Thursday, November 15, 2007

i have moved

for friends who are still interested and visits this ground ocassionally when you are bored in the office or at home, let me know... i have decided to start a new home for my many unsounded thoughts.

a blog where i can really feel comfortable expressing my inner most secrets.

seb at 4:42 PM

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Date Profiling test.

Date Profiling Result
Your profile is of type "ESTJ".
Please remember your colour code is Emerald Green.

ESTJ Relationships
ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Their priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends third. They put forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their obligations and duties, according to their priorities. They are dedicated and committed to their relationships, which they consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to be in charge, and may be very controlling of their mates and children. They have high esteem for traditions and institutions, and expect that their mates and children will support these as well. They have little patience and need for dealing with people who see things very differently from the ESTJ.

ESTJ Strengths
  • Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
  • Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for their families
  • Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
  • Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the house
  • Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
  • Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
  • Interested in resolving conflict, rather than ignoring it
  • Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
  • Able to move on after a relationship breaks up
  • Able to administer discipline when necessary
ESTJ Weaknesses
  • Tendency to believe that they are always right
  • Tendency to need to always be in charge
  • Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
  • Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
  • Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
  • May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
  • Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
  • Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
ESTJ as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

When an ESTJ says "I do", you can bet that they will put forth a tremendous amount of effort and energy into fulfilling their commitment to the relationship. They seek stability and security in their lives, and once they have made a commitment, it is lifelong and unalterable. They bring with them into the relationship a strong and dependable nature, which is oriented in traditions and security. They are highly energetic people, who never seem to lose their energy when performing duties and fulfilling obligations.

ESTJs usually feel very strongly that they are right and that if everyone else would listen carefully to what the ESTJ has to say, then they would understand the way things really are, and the world would be a better place. Such a strong, confident self-image is an asset in many ways, but can also be a detriment in close interpersonal relationships, if the ESTJ's mate does not feel valued for their contributions as an individual. This is a potential pitfall for ESTJs, who should try to be aware of the fact that other people have things to offer, even if they do not exactly follow the ESTJ's way of thinking. If it's not possible to do this on a larger scale, the ESTJ should perhaps focus on this area with respect to their partner's contributions.

Sexually, the ESTJ is likely to be robust, enthusiastic, and athletic. They will tend to be traditional, and to expect sexual encounters on a relatively scheduled basis. They're likely to approach intimacy as a physical experience of closeness, rather than as an opportunity to express and receive expressions of love and affection. The ESTJ will probably have to work on remembering to express their feelings verbally, but their mate's appreciation will make it well worth it for those who do.

In many ways, ESTJs are Guardians and Protectors by nature. They enjoy shielding and protecting their families, and are usually quite good at it. Their partners will appreciate and enjoy the benefits of the ESTJ's efforts in this respect, but they may also resent the more controlling aspects of the ESTJ's personality, which goes along with their strong desire to shield their loved-ones. The ESTJ may consider it their duty to instruct their spouses how to behave or what attitude to take in certain situations, which may not be appreciated.

Conversely, the ESTJ freely gives approval and affirmation when they are happy or impressed with their mate's behavior. Whether positive or negative, the ESTJ's expression can be taken at face value, because these individuals are very honest and forthright about how the feel.

ESTJs enjoy spending time with others socializing, and are likely to strongly desire that their partners also take part in these social activities. They are especially interested in any event which is associated with the family, work, or any organization which the ESTJ is part of. Since they are social creatures, they're likely to bring an emphasis on socializing to the relationship - but only after all of their work is done.

ESTJs are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and they may even tend to be very unobservant in these respects. This can cause problems with mates who have a Feeling preference, who may feel hurt or neglected by the ESTJ. If these feelings are pointed out to the ESTJ as an important dynamic of the relationship, rather than harbored internally by the Feeler, the ESTJ is likely to attempt to be more aware of their mate's feelings and emotions.

The ESTJ gladly performs their duties in life, and wants to be appreciated for doing so. This is the greatest gift that their mates can give them - gratitude.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTJ's natural partner is the ISTP (colour code is Ruby Red), or the INTP (colour code is Pure White). ESTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best matched with someone whose dominant function is Introverted Thinking. The ESTJ/ISTP combination is deal because it also shared the Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESTJ/INTP combination is also quite good.

seb at 10:41 AM

Thursday, September 06, 2007

i am really depressed. now the more i think that my future's bleak... and i fear whatever's coming to me even 5yrs down the road. it matters so much to me becos i think my life... my career will be at stake... like everything will be just so wrong.

everytime i look at myself into the mirror... the inner me is crying so hard. i never expect to see myself looking like that one day. especially now when every other thing isnt stable or not even solved... and yet i m put up to face new challenges.

i really dunno where else can i draw strength from... sometimes... i just feel like sleeping and never to wake up.

my heart aches for every other reason. its really not what most of you think it is. not that i wanna hide things... i just happen to not know how to express those complications.

God... i pray to you... i need a miracle... my Saviour....

seb at 11:33 AM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

quite a couple of changes lately... was promoted with effect from yesterday... studies assignments with deadlines drawing very near... just had a extremely screwed up hair cut just now after work... and i really hate to say this... but i cant hide it anymore... i am balding.

sad right? i have been trying to hard to keep my pride these while... now after that screwed up hair cut... which made it so obvious... how the fuck am i suppose to go to work for the next 2 mths... i have completely lost every single bit of confidence left in me... i have always been very conscious abt my own appearance all these while... and those who know me shld know... this truth really dealt a very big blow to me.

i m still trying to cope... but meanwhile... i wonder how will the people ard me feel when they see me tml. i can already feel those eyes staring at my head.


why me? why must i be a baldie?

seb at 12:18 AM

Monday, August 27, 2007

there are alot of things i dunno what to say or how to say. in every aspect of everything in life... sometimes there are just things that are just unexplainable. only when you are truly in my shoe... prolly you will know whats going on. its many factors that caused me to make a decision like this... it started way before where you thought it came from... where it just made me another fool as it seems that is. that inner struggle i had... you wun know... you will never know.

you can hate me if it makes you better. or even if someday i might prolly end up 10times worse den before. i bear no grudges... and i never will... i still live on with grace. i too, really would wanna find some peace of my own someday.


seb at 5:09 PM

been a very busy weekend... headed down to subaru on Saturday morning to get my super overdue second servicing... after that i went to Genconcept to do some decals... den i met up with mike in the afternoon for our last visit to the national stadium. the stadium will be pulled down in December and there marks whatever memories we used to have with that stadium. i really miss the times where me and my family were there for national day... and especially for the Tiger cup... but those we many many years ago. and also my national track and field meet... you can never imagine the kind of feelings that went through my mind at those moments... they were extraordinary.

went to pay my respect to my grandpa on sunday morning, den went to my church's service and after which i met up with weetiong to the fish farm to get the stuff for my fish tank at home. i am rearing cherry chrimps at home too... the lohan finally passed on after 3 long years. it was strong in a sense that it fought many illness... and now finally for a better place. back into God's kingdom.

i spent quite abit on the shrimps stuff at home... hopefully it will be rewarding.

so now's just some picture time... to share with you the last glimpse i have for national stadium... and of course my new car decal.

pretty sun screen decal
when vios meets subaru

seb at 9:19 AM

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

self reflection.

i guess we might have already experience many phases in life so far... well at least for me ... and i m quite sure that it aint all good. from time to time we do question ourselves about the rights and wrongs... about the choices we are about to make... even about what may come in future. we think about consequences of our actions and after every decisions we make. everyone faces such tests in life... just that some are more certain about their actions den the others.

i would often look back at what was given to me but later being taken away. i would ask why. He will always answer me in different ways, different forms. even at times where i am uncertain of many things ahead of me... i could even be so scared to take another step up... the only thing that is keeping me moving from now is the strength i draw from Him. the light amongst darkness. for i know that His love for me is pure.

Ps 121:8 - “The Lord will watch over your life no matter where you go, both now and forever.”

i would wanna think about having carefree days of my life, to find meaning in all that i do. i can also understand how tiring it is to face setbacks after setback... and uncertainties are still very much right infront of your face. i know it well becos i have been through it... and is still going through such mist. i wish i can trust everyone like the way i confide in Him. in His kingdom, i seek peace within myself. if only everything here now can be as pure as where He lives. if only everyone doesnt seem to be only living behind their masks.

Isaiah 26:3 - “Lord, you will give perfect peace to anyone who commits himself to be faithful to you. That’s because he trusts in you.”

and probably the last thing that i'm gonna share from the sermon last sun is about relationship... and probably thats one of the most heart wrenching knots that people often face all the time. above all that i have mentioned earlier... i find it kind of hard to trust someone completely... though i really wish that i can. what i want is someone simple... who thinks inline with me... share the same faith... the same kind of dream. but somehow... sometimes it seems as if its there... yet at other times... it just feels so far away.

Proverbs 3:3-4 - “Don’t let love and truth ever leave you. Tie them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and a good name in the eyes of God and people.”

despite all the disappointment i have felt... the kind of pain and frustration that my heart would feel from time to time... i do not try to strike back. with a gracious heart i try to learn from Him, i shall try to forgive.

peter 3:8-9 - "Be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing."

and i pray that all these for those that i care around me. amen.

take care people.

seb at 2:54 PM

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

decided to skip lunch today... dun really feel like eating... i cant explain why am i feeling moody... but i didnt like this feeling. the torments are as if that my heart was stabbed furiously as a sign on frustration. it was so real. my mind's all messed up... like a incomplete symphony... or a broken orchestra.

look at what the past have caused me now. a lifetime worth of insecurities.

sometimes i just feel like giving up altogether.

seb at 12:34 PM


hey peeps... actually there is nothing much about myself this far... and finally.. today's pay day. i'm dead broke for a damn long time... and yet soon i will be broke too shortly after pay day. too much commitments around... especially birthdays that are coming up. sometimes these birthdays just leave me breathless.

went shopping with gary earlier for his gifts to his dream girl la... honestly i wouldnt have spent so much so soon... but still... as long as he is happy la... thanks for the treat too! haha... will treat you when my cashflow is not so tied up ya! haha

anyway... here's a pic of claudia me and keith taken on saturday at oosh...
and yea... thats the latest one of me... ( think i m aging as the day passes... losing so much hair =( somemore pple say i look like 28 to 30. damn sad can... sigh )

take care folks

seb at 12:52 AM

Friday, August 10, 2007

school's starting =(

school's starting at the end of this month... which means that i will be busier on top of all the shit i have right now... projects... lessons... exams!!! argh... hopefully it will only be for the next 1 and a half years. i really cant wait to get out of school... and prolly even get out of this company... haha

anyway... happy national day to all... hopefully that the recent weeks are good for everyone... and to pray that better things are just soon to come...

gonna share with you a new addition to my tank... i added 2 more black CRS (diamonds) into the tank just to spice up the colors. cant wait for them to grow up and start mating... so i will have more shrimps! haha... no casualty so far... good news.

when the CRS meet the Diamond... with a baby snail in between... haha

in their respective lineup... from smallest to biggest... in alternate colors. haha

till den.. take care folks.

seb at 10:55 AM

Monday, August 06, 2007

new change?

some changes to my life lately... and i believe that they are all for the better.

first thing first, uni of south aus have accepted me and also exempted me from all the units that requires bridging! now i just have to wait to finish my loan application process and hoping that everything will go on just fine for me.

next up is about my promotion thingy right? my boss came up to me after a meeting earlier on telling me that they have recommended me for the promotion ans asked me if i am fine with it. i mean... who would mind being promoted right? haha... so now hopefully its gonna come true soon and i will have to discuss about my pay scheme with the HR people... and hopefully too... that i can get the desired pay i've been yearning for... (damn broke already la).. haha... carry on praying for me!

lastly... i've decided to rescape my tank... i thought that the white sand in the tank made everything look rather dull after awhile... went to buy a bag of black quatz yesterday after my run at bedok reservoir (its been a long time since i ran la... and now i've been running for 2 consecutive days!).... and here is how my tank looks after i'm done.
nice right? haha... and i tell you... the snails are reproducing damn fast lor... horny creatures... haha...

and i m really surprise that some of my friends are still reading this forsaken blog... thank you for dropping by still! take care people! miss u guys!

seb at 4:28 PM

Friday, August 03, 2007

He heard me

remember awhile ago i was talking about how tough it is for me now especially with all my financial burdens? i think He heard me... i was told that i am on the pending list for a grade promotion soon... and will prolly know the result in a month's time... wish me luck!

i know your presence is always felt around me... please get me through this and i really want that promotion badly... at least for now...

not a bad start today... meeting up with the rest of the guys at parkway after work for chuan fei's birthday. hope she brings kyan along! gonna have a meeting with my new VP soon... heard that she isnt an easy woman to work with. =/

anyway... take care folks!

seb at 8:43 AM

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