another chinese post.
its been awhile since i last posted anything in chinese (which was den criticised until damn lagi jialat). nevertheless, my 华语 had improved tremendously over the months, and is now ready to give it another shot (with my 字典 right beside me of course).so here goes.
这些日子里发生了许许多多一些我不根本没时间来发现的状况。
迷迷糊糊的就这样晃入了一场有一场的起起落落。
也许事情都来得太突然，没有太多的考录。
往往还是为了自己的从前，淹没在过去那些痛苦的回忆。
有时真的好想脱离苦海，给自己一个从新开始的机会。
但我的心还是不定，不能摆脱那些阴影。
多莫希望可以拥有自己的方向盘， 来控自自己的命运。
又有时好想回到过去，希望有个能改变历史的机会。
或能返回同年，从新来过。
我的回忆，太伤人呀！
把我折磨得惨不忍睹。
我甚至不介意过着单生的日子，因为我早已习惯。
但我真得好不甘愿！
为什么我就不能拥有一份我能渴望的爱情？
一份真的属于我的爱情。
再好好的呵护我的心肝宝贝。
对她说上一辈子的“我爱你”。
我到底遇见了吗?
是你吗？
真的是你吗？
若能让你实现一个愿望，你会选择遇见，还是随着自己的过去而消失？
心里有种要却不敢的感觉，不停地挣扎着。
现在的我，并不快乐。
要得并不多，却为何又离我那么遥远。
天捉弄人。
=~~~~(
seb at 8:33 PM
TGIF
finally... this is the moment i'm waiting for every week.very much have been happening to my life lately... struggling between work and studies... did i mention that i doubt i can make it through for my studies this year? my dad had been nagging alot at me... for not heeding his advice the other time. i got soooo frustrated just now that i just snapped him off. i dun mean to though... it just happened... i was sooo tired... and i had to rest... at least for my ride home.
its been a staged tragedy for my love life too since a couple of years back. also lots of ups and downs. but trust me... i'm trying hard to trust. its not easy... but i'll try as long as its worth me trying.
Thanks for baking me another cake =). and also for that CK Crave fragrance that i've been searching high and low for so long. i've no idea how did u manage to find it... and of course the strepsils for my sore throat. i really do appreciate all that you've done for me so far.
here's the pic of it... sorry if it turns out dark n ugly... my hp cam really cannot make it one.
TO ALL WHOM KNOW ME... I'VE CHANGED MY MOBILE NUMBER. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT SEBTOGRAPHY@YAHOO.COM.SG IF I'VE NOT INFORM YOU. THANK YOU!
there're still lots of uncertainties. you should know. but u've really been very nice... time will tell us more. once again... thanks for all that u've done for a lousy me.
seb at 10:53 PM
sick
i'm feeling so uncomfortable now in the office...my skin condition is becoming quite bad... my face feels stiff...
my throat still hurts so much...
i cant stop sneezing too...
argh... i'm feeling so terrible...
yet got so much to do at work.
and the worst part of all these is... i cant go home and rest cos tonight still got class...
its really tough to be seb.
my random thoughts
trust was never here for free. it requires a great deal of everything, physical affection, thoughts and much effort. it was never free, nor any amount of beautiful words could buy you trust. and from trust... there comes love... and thus from love... there'll be happiness. its all in a package.
to me i feel that to attain the enlightenment stage of true happiness... its not just about those sweet lil things that we can do for each other anymore. they're important... but they're not everything. should we also include considerations for our lifestyle, our goals in life, the way we think and do things. they're all growing in their own fair share.
till the day when there's someone out there who feels the same way as i do... i'll never be able to love like before.
so meanwhile... let me dream a lil dream of myself. (minus the many many sickness i've right now that is. i'm dyinggggg... help!)
seb at 10:37 AM
coffee addict.
i'm officially declared as a coffee addict. i live my life off cups of coffee... and if they're not available... i cant get myself to do anything at all. i cant read... i cant think... i cant work... feeling uncomfortable all over. ah... i need coffee..my mum's bd is actually around 2 weeks away from now. but i thought that since i'm rather free lately... maybe i should start shopping for her pressie first. as usual la... what else u can get for aunties right? just like every other year.. got her another gold chain lor. boring. haha... cant blame me la.. i'm boring myself to even begin with. haha. she kept it before i can take any picture of it la... =/
and also... i got a new fragrance for myself!
i was sniffing around the entire shop... and i finally decided to settle down with Hugo boss's Soul. smells sexy. for night dress. haha... lets wait and see if it works... gonna wear it to work tomorrow... heh
and here's me... feels like a new beginning. to start afresh. i wanna be prince charming to the woman i love. cos i know that i'm unique. very unique. =)
sweet dreams people...
seb at 10:56 PM
tired tired tired....
i've been feeding myself with alot of food lately. i wanted to set some restriction to those of wad i should and shouldnt eat. but it doesnt seem to be working. at this hour now in the office... i'm having beehoon kway teow... with a nice pan fried egg and fish fillet. and of cos, a cup of nice hot coffee to go with.my throat has been piercing for the entire week. i wanted to pop some pills for it... but i keep forgetting. seriously... the older one gets... the less thing they can remember... which sometimes... might be a good thing? hah
i think i need more sleep... and i really mean more sleep. yawns.
seb at 9:08 AM
bah
nothing but a pack of lies.you know what?
i think i'm just gonna move on without you.
seb at 8:16 PM
untitled
i dun mind the past... or even the present.i dun mind the many in betweens.
i dun care what was on your mind before.
i dun care if it was even true.
dun fall any deeper.
its for your own good.
if there's anything that i can help,
pls, dun let me be the last to know.
you've a choice.
you know what i can give.
dun throw it away.
seb at 11:02 PM
untitled
why cant things just be transparent...we could have kept it simple.
but why does it always have to turn out this way.
unless...
i haven mean a thing to you.
all that i've seen and heard from you...
tell me that its real.
how i wish i can see tear.
a drop of tear will do.
so miserable.
seb at 6:28 PM
untitled
i just cant give it up.he doesnt share his thoughts, not because he's selfish. maybe just not that expressive. he have so much to spill, but doesnt know where to even begin with. so much emotions, words, like a lump in one's throat.
den he asked, what on earth has he done to deserve such destiny??? he never knew abt destiny. he never believed in it before. he depicted this whole anatomy of human relationship as catastrophe.
he had never rested his mind for even a second, always thinking about every thing that is going on around him. struggling to be resilient. no wonder they're forever saying that resilient is futile.
should he just sit back and watch everything else goes by, as if there's nothing we can do about it. sad... but true.
because... in this world... noone's telling the truth. hiding secrets from hole to hole. and only those who didnt care... survives. you could prolly guessed how many times i've died.
think about it... you wouldnt wanna start a rs if we cant be completely honest with each other. no truth will ever hurt more den a lie.
very disappointed.
-------------------------------------------
everyone was drunk last night...
i drank quite alot too...
but the worst that have happened was weemin... who slept for 2 hrs on the floor... puking more den wad he've drank i suppose.
pic of the day.
seb at 2:46 PM
a big thanks to everyone
i never knew there're so many of you out there who cared.i never knew that you guys would remember.
i'm touched... very...
i wanna thank all my colleagues who treated me lunch... and the bd song. though i've just gotta join this family... you guys have treated me better den i thought it would be... thank you.
and also to thank my classmates... took the trouble for the cake and the song too. you guys are a bunch of real frens... never were selfish... who cared. i love you guys!
to my family... and relatives... cousins... for all the wishes and the cake! without fail.. over the years... you guys are always there for me regardless everything that have befalled on me. i wanna thank you peeps for ur love and patience... THANKS!!!
to gary who specially called me from korea! THANKS BRO!
to those many many many many smses and calls and tags and pm... i didnt expect you guys to remember me! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT !!!!
and to you... thank you for the effort... the time... and the much love. thank you for the wonderful cake... through the rain... you still came... i really do not know what to say... what to tell you. but i'm touched... really. noone was this nice to me since a long time ago. thank you.
thank you.me and my fam... with a new member.. for the very first year...
and here's the blazer that i promised to post...
seb at 11:46 PM
happy birthday to me.
hurmm.. i bought this blazer yesterday... had the pic at home in the desktop... will upload it tonight.oh btw... happy birthday seb.
thank you to all those who've promptly msged me since midnight till now. i'm glad to have met friends like you guys. you're the best!
my trash thoughts.
if only real tears would come.
if only i could be washed away in tears.
if i have a last thought,
if there's time for a last thought that is,
it would simply be,
so this tis wad a last thought is like.
and amongst chaos,
we find new life.
seb at 10:12 AM
why am i feeling so empty so suddenly.
it hurts...
i cant get it off my mind..
now not only my heart aches... my head's aching too.
SEB... WAKE UP... WHATS UR DARN PROBLEM?
simple isnt really simple afterall huh?
seb at 10:42 AM
fool.
i'm a fool.bigger den i thought i was.
like already running a marathon,
without my shoes on.
i cant forget your sweet sounding songs.
i seem to be humming them all day long.
but a fool i m yet again.
it shouldnt have happened.
my heart aches.
as badly as i thought it might be.
but i have to...
i'm so sorry...
it wasnt good.
it hurts me so too.
seb at 10:22 PM
birthday loots. sales loots.
just wanted to share with you guys some of the loots i've gotten today... and some of my birthday gifts... doesnt matter if i differentiate which's from who... becos they're all mine now! hahhere goes...
my dutti's top!
ok... maybe i should be contented for awhile... but still... i wanna get that cardigan from top man.... =( ... but so ex... and also that tag heuer off that damn display!
ok... dream on.
seb at 6:11 PM
my 10th birthday
I'm finally 10yrs old!!!today was a heart felt warming birthday celebration with my cousins and a couple of better friends.
thanks guys for everything today. i really enjoyed myself.
pics time!
me and my cousin with her husband. celebrating our bd together for the very first time. i'm only 10yrs old!
my baby cousin performing
dave
kwok leong
lokman
and jasmine
me and jasmine
the bunch of us with matthew who left earlier
this bunch of people today really brightens up my day. thanks guys.
seb at 2:18 AM
suddenly.
suddenly got the urge to settle down.as in a family i can call my own.
a tender sweet loving wife.
with our lovely children.
that sweet scent of home... beautiful.
den i thought of my birthday.
6days away from now.
whats gonna happen den?
or nothing. probably.
why cant everyday be the same day.
no special occasions.
no sweet nothings.
why cant everyone be the same one.
no discriminations.
no disparity.
i just wanna be happy...
simple and happy.
yet... why so empty?
seb at 3:18 PM
question.
is this suppose to be a good thing... or... otherwise?i dont know...
it was never right before...
now?
or the future?
seb at 9:16 PM
loof
i've been slumbering in my bed for the past 2 days... down with fever and flu... with a lil bit of sore throat. i felt that i was almost dead... literally. like who even bother these days. prolly when i'm already infested with maggots... and start to smell... den that might fetch me some attention. ohhh... i'm like a boy who's hungry for attention. perhaps.still... i crawled out of my sty today... and met up with some of my good time bmt pals. have yet to meet up with matt and dave ever since they're back from aus. we had a good laugh today... just like the old times... at loof.
we spent awhile listening to their aus adventure... from perth to melb. kwok's joining dave soon in feb... that makes me 1 less fren here. you can prolly feel my agony already. hah. lokman might be leaving too... now i'm beginning to feel the ice.
as always... we goof at almost everywhere we go. here's some pics...
lokman, me, matt and kwok
i dun even know when was this taken. nonetheless... lokman and yours truely.
kwok and dave...
lokman, me, matt, kwok and dave.
look at how time flies... we couldnt even breath long enough to witness how everything changes. from boys to soldiers... from soldiers to men. that part of my memories... i will cherish.
picture for thought
life (maybe alot like love) is like a menu. we often find ourselves left with so many decisions to make. and sometimes if you're lucky enough... to end up with something nice. well... not everyone's prolly that lucky i must say. most of the time... deceived by pretty names and descriptions. i'm not being pessimistic here. but that's exactly whats been going on.
at least i know how it feels. prolly u're just another passer-by who've shown me again... the exit. sigh.
seb at 11:58 PM
sick...
i am feeling so miserable since yesterday. was hit by a very bad throat... everything that i pour down my throat feels like acid.it took me alot of determination this morning to crawl out of bed from my medication. i was suppose to meet up with terence and yioyo at relc to pay up my examination fee. we waited for quite awhile for our turn. i wanted to pay with nets... but they keep telling me that i've exceeded my credit limit. i'm very sure that i've not drawn any cash at all for the past 24 hours... and that my default limit should be 2k isnt it?
the staff at relc told me to call up posb and check for the problem. it was already 12noon den... n they're closing at 1pm. i dun wanna make an empty trip down to waste my cab fare for nothing. the posb operator told me that i've requested my limit to be set to 200 awhile ago... now i'm really losing my patience (i'm rather short tempered lately). i remembered changing my card sometime back.. and tt lady must have missed a 0... i raised my voice a lil... i mean... it cant be that i've to bear the consequences of someone else's mistake right? i asked for an immediate solution and all they can tell me was to go to the nearest atm to draw.
it caused me so much inconvenience and embarassment. i'm still waiting for them to get back. i wanna see what they have to say about it. lucky yioyo offered to help me pay by cheque first.
after all the hassles... i've decided that i should be home... i'm still rather sick... or perhaps worse. i have been sleeping for the entire day.. it feels like shit. i think i can die on my bed without anyone knowing.
seb at 7:17 PM
new bag... finally...
i had been comtemplating if i should replace my 5yrs old bag for good... and finally today... i though that i should just give up thinking... cos thinking hurts...i settled for a simple sling bag from esprit... can use for general purpose... casual or formal... for a lazy man like me... haha
here it is...
and also... i'm damn proud of my watch la.. haha.. here's another pic of it on me.
till den... good night!
seb at 12:04 AM
untitled
work was already waiting for me in piles before i can even get my ass back in office. the reports and all are killing me. as much as i try to not blog anything about work at all... today... i cant help it. the stress was that much.i should be happy to know that i'm getting my watch today. finally after eyeing on it for so long. but somehow... i brought my workload along with me too.
anyway still... here's a pic of my new watch.
met up with gary and company for a coffee session later at night... after the purchse of my new watch. a farewell meet up for gary. all the best... and take care... dun forget my present when you're back aite. haha
sometimes when i get so tired from everything... i just wished that you could be by my side. but you just dun seem to realise... that i need you.
seb at 11:46 PM
happy birthday grandpa.
woke up pretty early this morning... to pay my grandpa a visit. its his birthday today. look how fast time flies... plus 1 more to your age grandpa.i took a long look at my grandparents urn. they're placed side by side. i saw both that familiar faces... once so close to me. for that moment... i could almost feel their concern... as if they were right beside me... hugging their beloved grandson. it must have hurt them somehow to know how i'm coping with life. they would never have wanted all these to happen to me i'm sure.
we headed back to grandpa's place later in the morning. i thought i could still see the old man sitting at the usual chair he's always on. looking back at me with that stern, yet very comforting look of his. his presence is dearly missed... at least by me. and i really do miss him that much.
to you grandpa:
i really hope to wish you blessed with good health still... but i guess we've just gotta settle with happy birthday. i miss your voice, your lessons in life, and every other lil things about you. because even if its just simple greetings... i know you truely care. and all the other hardships i've faced wouldnt have matter as much anymore.
its tough without you. things that you've ever said to me were priceless. now i'm almost left completely alone. sometimes i feel just pathetic.
now you're the only reason that i can still cry for.
take me with you will ya?
a heart can be ever so fragile.
seb at 9:27 PM
random thought.
suddenly realised that many out there aint exactly feeling great for this brand new first day of a brand new year. den it somehow triggered that tiny winy emo switch hidden somewhere within myself.i was just wondering... since its a brand new year... we should all somehow start afresh right? despite all the many many dumb things that happened... they all belong to the past now and there's absolutely nothing we can do to change nothing.
besides... this year to me... i suppose... can only end up better. i mean... i cant imagine whats it gonna be like if its gonna b worse. i started this year with nothing at all... it cant be worse... i hope.
i was lying on my bed awhile ago... reflecting on whats it gonna be like ahead of me... i used to know what i want... not that i've forgotten all about it now... but somewhat... i'm not as confident as of how am i suppose to get there anymore. everyone seems to have ditched me in a way or another.
here's my shutter for thought...
like a cage that's keeping me away from all the good things. where i am now, makes me weak. i could see thy light You've shine on me... but also... You've set me a barrier that i could never break free. me to You was nothing ever... nothing ever but a game. You gave me all the hopes... den you robbed them all away. oh cruel You. oh cruel You.
tomorrow.. i'm gonna see my grandpa for the first time this year. happy new year... grandpa.
seb at 7:12 PM
First day of 2007!
okok.. here're the photos la.. the rest didnt turn out too well.. so i post afew only lor.. hahhathey're the first group of people i see, i go out with and i talk to this year... LOL
me n the girls.
me n sisi
classic.
BEST WISHES TO ALL OF YOU
seb at 5:01 PM
Happy New Year !!!
First thing first... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. ITS FINALLY 2007 !!!Good luck and best wishes...
i just home from clinic... yea... clinic... not the one where u find doctors in though. haha. i'm still waiting for the rest of the guys to send me the photos we took today la... will upload them as soon as they're in my possession.
meanwhile... here's the chivas that we had earlier... CHEERS... TO 2007!
seb at 4:27 AM
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