sigh
i tell you... i really gonna fail so bad for this mock paper.nothing that i've studied seems to appear on that dumb senseless piece of paper. argh... now i'm really beginning to worry for the real one. sigh.
left the office at 4pm with xueling... wanted to do some last minute revision in school. end up chatting with her over dinner instead... she caught me using my hanky... and said:
x: wah seb, i didnt know u uses hanky too.
s: uh... wads the matter?
x: ay... i tot only sentimental guys uses hanky
s: well... that just proves me one...
x: u look more like a playboy.
s: ...
lesson learnt... never study with a chiobu.
now even my sister also finally attached again after so long. =/
seb at 11:35 PM
untitled.
just some random thoughts going through my mind this very instance. was reading up on horoscope for today... and they're telling me not to take the easy route out as only the tougher ones will teach me more. you gotta be kidding me... who on earth in the right mind will be that dumb to choose something more difficult when they know they have an easier way to solve a problem? ha.i'm prolly going through a string of pre-mock examination syndromes (PMS) now. i'm drinking more coffee den usual... knowing that i haven studied anything last night since i'm home late after work. picked up a lil here and there while revising with junwei... somehow i'm feeling confident... even though i'm knowing nothing. i guess this just shows that i'm pretty self motivated... self encouraging... self comforting. hah.
had a sudden conversation with mum last night... and it goes something like:
m: how's you and that girl coming along?
s: huh? what girl?
m: what you mean what girl?!
(i paused for a second...)
s: oh... that... ermmm... well... i'm single still... too busy for one.
(yea right... i cant possibly tell mum that i've been seeing the wrong kind of girl all these while right?)
m: you ah... no more monkey business... you shld find someone nice and start thinking about settling down.
s: (... right... i wish) ermmm ok.
wah kaos... i tell you... i cant even remember when was the last time i really had someone nice coming by. how does it feels like to love someone right? ok... maybe i was guilty of letting a few good ones to slip by... =(
met a few colleague from my other division for a casual meeting earlier on... we have been communicating through emails all these while... its our very first meet up. suddenly... one of them asked who's sebastian.
i was glad that someone remembered me. i smiled. den a few others, together, replied coincidentally... handsome young chap.
i dun care if they really mean it or not la... not that it matters.... but somewhat it just makes my day... at least its making me feeling better apart from all the exam hoo-has. haha
seb at 10:46 AM
idiots.
ah... i was so darn busy since morning till now... finally i can breath!anyway... i cant stand those idiots who blast their MP3s on their handphone. i keep bumping into people like that ALL THE TIME. DUN THEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EARPHONES? wah kaos... i tell you it is soooooo damn irritating when you're already dreading to get urself to work and these idiots think they own the bloody transport.... ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DUN UNDERSTAND THE SONG LA!
you know what??? i hope these idiots lose their handphone some day. in exchange for my peace while traveling.
*middle finger* (screaming infidelities)
bah... i think i'm really falling sick... =(
seb at 4:46 PM
bored in office.
despite the many many things that i've to do today in the office... i still feel kind of bored. den again... i think its prolly the pre-examination stress la. meeting up with junwei after work for revision... ok... maybe revision doesnt really apply to me... because i haven know anything to revise in the very first place... =/and out of boredom... took a snap shot of myself... so people... tell me if i suit a goatie or not? hahaha!
with goatie
without goatie
which which which??? hahaha
i cant wait till the exams are over... i need a break... ahhhh... hopefully i pass all of them of cos....
seb at 2:43 PM
weekends burnt...
ay.... i'm really beginning to gan jiong already la...i really can hardly get anything into my head.... i keep skipping chapters somemore... =/ sigh... trying to get some last min info into my head before i go to bed soon... sweet dreams people...
hurmmm... i wonder why am i still on this record. hahaha... weird....
seb at 11:43 PM
mugging
argh.... i've been trying so darn hard to get anything into my head. exams are drawing sooooo near that i can already feel it breathing down my neck. but i'm just so damn lazy. HOW HOW HOW.... ???now i'm addicted to this song i have here in my blog... someone sent me her version of it. such sweet lovely voice... haha... i'm mesmerised.
sweet dreams people... i shall try mugging for the next few days.... the paper is on wednesday... God... you've gotta bless me for this... haha
seb at 1:54 AM
friday night.
met up with gary and friends after work... and i cant believe i'm having sushi again so soon.
just look at how much we had for our starter.... its not even anywhere near to our main course... we're really atrocious la.
den we headed for jason's place after meal for mahjong... i tell you lor... i'm really losing my luck. we played 2 games of mahjong... in the first game... i won for the entire dong feng. and ever since that feng... i've only seal 2 times! argh...
i'm so tired now la... i need to go wash up and den sleep.
and i shall try to get myself started for my exams preparation... its on this coming wednesday... bravo.
seb at 1:36 AM
auntie rocks.
on the way to work this morning... on the train... this auntie sitting infront of me... was on her ear phones apparently listening to some music. after awhile... i realised that she's beginning to sway her head from left to right n right to left. so i thought was normal... you know... sometimes we do get abit carried away with our favourite music la... den later... she started shaking her head... and i really mean shaking her head! and her lips' trying to match the lyrics i think... everyone had their eyes on her.she's cool. haha
seb at 9:13 AM
health issue
i think age is really catching up with me la. so tired so easily??? people will come telling me... "ay pls la... seb... you how old only...." eh... sad... but true... now i'm even feeling numbness at a side of my back... i'm trying to watch my diet very closely... sighjust caught Letters from Iwo Jima with brenda after work. its a must watch movie i must say... not that much about the victories... the focus is more on the feelings of the soldiers back den when they're in a war knowing that they will lose eventually... something good about history that you peeps should catch when you have the time.
met up with gary and jason after the movie for supper. now i'm super tired... gonna sleep soon.
here's one from me today in the toilet. (i'm beginning to like taking pics in toilets la... its like a kingdom to myself. hahah)
later peeps. =)seb at 12:12 AM
journey to work
first thing first when i board the bus at my place... it is a new bus... a brand new one... but i tell you... the air con was hitting you like the water in the car wash! wah kaos... den you can see everyone "dodging the air-con" to avoid messy hair. damn weird la the design of these new buses. stupid engineers.den when i arrived at the train station... i went into the gents... this indian fella was washing his dick in the sink! you tell me am i suay or wad.... washing his dick in the sink leh!!! tt guy's sick lor. i left without even using the toilet.
den i reckoned that singapore is a very stressful place to live in.
seb at 9:19 AM
oosh restaurant
just got home not long ago from the meet up with my cousins. we were at singapore's largest alfresco F&B outlet in Tanglin Village called the Oosh retaurant. The food and drinks there were pretty tasty, but they're pretty pricey too though.but you pay peanuts if you want monkeys... =)
i never really like eating in food courts anyway... i wun mind paying for a place like Oosh.
http://www.tanglinvillage.com.sg/highlights.htm
check out the splash before they were fully established. its still a pretty new place... started in december last year...
i'll rate a 4star for it.
seb at 11:50 PM
back to work
hurmm... it doesnt feel like a working day today... the office is so damn empty. luckily xueling still around la... at least got some chics to keep my day going. hahathis morning was greeted by lee hsien yang with his group of colleagues at the lobby with oranges. they even have lion dance there... not that i'm very impressed la... but they got everyone choked at the enterance to the lift... taking this opportunity to slack around and waste a few minutes off official working hours. but its always a good excuse to slack when your ceo is there with you.
meeting up with my cousins later after work to chill... ah... i feel like sleeping already. haha
seb at 9:28 AM
norbit
caught norbit just now with a bunch of jokers... its a damn hilarious show la... must watch. hahai certainly had a good laugh for awhile... its been awhile.
i wish i can laugh like how i laughed during the show just now all the time. it feels good. so lets just pray... God... in your name of all goodness... please make us all happy people. and we thank You. =)
seb at 11:33 PM
part 2
Was at chongchee’s place earlier on. Everything felt exactly the way it was a year ago. Clara and I both agreed how fast time flies. Remember back den when chuan fei told us that she’s pregnant… and now keiyan is already a couple of months old.Somehow the mood there and den reminds me of you. Prolly just a lil… but was bad enough. But dun get me wrong… that you i once loved was long gone into my book of history. Not that it matters that much… but it was a lesson bad enough for me to learn.
I took on the stumble with a couple of better friends… I literally crawled my way through hell… it was so tormenting that even till now… I could still feel you. Den again, without you… I wouldn’t have grown so much. And if its not for you… I wun have realised how important those people around me are.
Time took us part… and only if time can still bring me further away from agony.
I wanna meet someone right… just one… to share my everyday with. Prolly dreaming though. Who in the right mind would catch a sick man like me?
Now you know… why I’m hoping for a miracle. =)
seb at 3:08 AM
part 1
sometimes i wish i know why am i still living in the past. perhaps just a tad of me still misses that missing piece.perhaps i got kind of bored somehow... i went digging for my diaries... flipping through pages of history. tears suddenly tingles within me... wasnt i happy before? my heart weigh more after each page that i'm reading. realising how much things have changed over time. that reality speaks clearer den anything we've planned before. they were all fantasies now.
yet all that i can do now... is nothing at all.
we've all grown so much... so soon. every bit of me is tearing apart. den i thought... it was our story that became a joke which others would laugh at.
why did time move on so soon without me? i dun wanna be left behind... it feels so lonely.
seb at 5:56 PM
day 1
just got home not too long ago... and i'm dead tired... i should really watch my diet... if i continue the way i eat those chocs... my blood pressure might just reach its peak anytime soon. hahand also... its been awhile since i really won any money on chinese new year... i guess its a good start this year huh... not too bad for day 1... may the luck be with me!
在这寂寞空虚的夜里。。。 不知道为何你尽在我脑海里出现。我们并没有任何的从前，也大概不会有以后。。。但我就是想你。也许你猜不透我内心深处的那点点滴滴，也看不见我对你脸上所带着的微笑。。。 可是，你知道吗。。。 我无法解释这一切的感觉。。。 一个很美好的感觉。
你在我最低若的时候，鼓励着我。仿佛像是在提醒着我，这世界还有你能给我的温软。
我真的好想见到你。
不在希望什么， 只求能永远拥有像这一秒钟的感觉。。。 我真的幸福了。
seb at 4:04 AM
happy lunar new year
happy lunar new year people.i hope... someday... a miracle will change everything in my life.
a lil abracadabra... a miracle... is all i can hope for now...
seb at 1:44 AM
Last day of this old lunar year.
time flies... before we can even realise that 2006 was long gone... this lunar year is just in time to bid us all good bye. new year... new hope...Thanks to all who've sent me wishes via sms... but sad to say that i've a lousy phone ya... cant read chinese... and all of the smses i've received... are all in chinese... =/
nevertheless, i would like to extend my wishes to everyone out there... even to those whom i've never seen before... to those who believes... =)
Wishing everyone of you out there a prosperous new year... and most importantly... good health!
seb at 9:57 PM
untitled
sigh... another 200bucks gone for medications.God... if you hear me... save me...
我无法用言语来表达出我心中的无奈。。。
seb at 12:37 PM
depression
I think I’m in a depression which I’ve failed to notice.I did an analytical breakdown on my own behaviour... and I realised that the split personalities are the exact symptoms of what we call a depression.
I know my own body better den anyone else… I’ve been trying every single way there is to prevent all these from happening… but nothing seems to work. And I think the greatest cause to this pain that I’ve been going through day and night… is the fear of turning old and ugly one day. It’s really very depressing… so tormenting… just like how maggots are feeding on rotten wounds.
I guess noone can really understand how I feel huh. Just when I needed my fair share of understanding… noone was here for me.
if You had made me to serve my purpose in this world... let me serve You happily. all i ask for is to be happy and healthy. and i'll honour you with my afterlife.
seb at 10:04 PM
2 sebs?
a colleague of mine told me that he realised that sometimes i'm not myself. you know... like having split personalities... which i'm not surprised at all... because he isn't the first who told me so. i cant explain how it happens... but the change can be quite noticeable... even to myself.sometimes i can be happily talking about something... and the very next moment... the melancholy side of me starts to show.
sometimes i can tell myself how thrifty i should be... and after that... i can spend like there aint gonna be any more sales in future.
sometimes i can be so sweet... yet other times i can sound too heartless.
sometimes i wish i am attached... so that i can start planning on starting a lil family of mine... but also... at times i would think that i'm better off single.
is this serious?
seb at 11:14 AM
spree part 2
headed down to cityhall after work wanting to get myself a man united jersey from peninsula. but after much consideration... that piece of jersey cost me 95bucks... which i thought that it might be more advisable for me now to get something else... something more practical.jason joined me soon after... and we settled for marina square... i got a tee from the topman there. have been wanting to get a tee for a long long time... those that i like are either out of size or its too expensive... i just want a tee to match my jeans and my blazer for the DnD. its a mask party! haha
den we were back at the esprit in raffles shopping center... when i realised that the shirt that i've been wanting to get the other time (U.P $89.90) is now at $39.90!!! luckily i've asked the SA... because the sizes on the display are all at the extremely huge end. it took awhile for her to get back to me... but at least she've found my size. best buy la... haha
looks normal here... but trust me la... damn nice.... my taste never goes wrong one... hahahaha
只有在这迷迷糊糊的状态下， 自己产生了些自我安慰的话题。
把信中那种不开心的感触， 全都化成了物资上的欢乐。
也许这样会好过一些。
seb at 10:23 PM
lunch spree
hey people! show you the new jeans i've gotten from Levi's during lunch... i was planning to get one for ages... finally decided to settle down with one today. haha... wanted to buy another top for my DnD... but it was already wayyyyy passed lunch hour.maybe after work =)
anyway... here it is... hehe
its supposed to be abit more bluish la... but my hp cam cannot make it one... so just bare with it.
seb at 2:27 PM
心痛
我真的好不开心。当我知道你和他开始恋爱了，虽然嘴边挂着我一生的祝福， 但心里总是还有点酸酸的。
也许我不善于表达，或也许我想说的也以迟了一步， 应此无法平息我心中的遗憾。
手里握着我一份纯真的爱，真的希望能和你分享。但我想，还是来得太晚了。爱情总是突然的出现，也往往都不告而别。
难道，你就不曾看透我的心吗？还是，你早已明了，但同时也做出了选择。
单生也有一段时日了吧。。。 即使想爱， 也不知如何开始。
就像是个迷了路的小孩。
心好痛。
seb at 10:18 AM
it finally over.
say goodbye to a happy silly valentine's day.when i usually see couples along the street i would have most probably ignore them. but today... it seems exceptionally difficult to not notice each and every single one of them. they're like a sandwich infested with ants. all over the place.
valentine's day this year is prolly unforgetable. i spent this faithful day which others perceived to be romantic... with a bunch of guys. we've den decided to kill ourselves with a huge feast... and i swear that i'm so dead even till now.
here's a pic of what we had.
i guess you wouldnt wanna know what more can a bunch of guys can do when they're really lonely, sad and hungry.despite all the very provoking stuff you can ever encounter today for a single man, still, a lil nice something may happen too. surprisingly audrey had baked a tub of choc cookies for me.
i finished half of them in less den an hour. they tasted fantastically great. =) thanks! till den... sweet dreams peeps... thankfully this dumb day's finally coming to an end. hah
some may just know what they've done. choosing to give up eternity over ignorance. life's all about choices... you've made yours... blame noone.
seb at 11:29 PM
Valentine's Day
had quite abit of fun with jit and his angmo friend from aus yesterday at the coffee club. i'll prolly drop by melb for a visit in oct this year. =)btw... today's is prolly one of the lousiest day in a year. who on earth created valentine's day anyway? jackass.
but still... have decided to get rochers for all the ladies in my department. can you imagine... i've 23 headcounts and 19 of them are women? only now that i've realised. i came back with 3 rochers short. =/ i'm just so bad with numbers.
anyway... a sweet lil valentine's day note to all multi-timers:
screw you... and may u burn in hell =)
not that i mind alot about today... but it just reminds so much about the past.
suddenly... i wanna be nowhere else but home... in a corner of my room... with sugar.
i had a wish first thing when i'm up today... i wish... really... sigh
nevertheless, a very happy valentine's day to the rest of you.
seb at 11:39 AM
lessons
i was talking to a friend of mine earlier... about some matter on her relationship. both of us broke up with our exes about the same time last year... and ever since den... for about a year... so much have changed.i wun settle with any details but certainly the relationship she's in is bound to end up bad. but somehow i just wun understand why people still bother to carry on a relationship when in the first place they know that its never gonna turn out good. worse still, when you know that you're being used. prolly just like how i used to be.
sadness is inevitable... part and parcel of a relationship. i cant help falling for the wrong kind of gal... and thats inevitable too... becos you'll never know what kind of shit you're in untill you're in it.
but nevertheless... my sympathy to all victims. it was never your choice to fall... neither can i stop you from falling. like how babies learn to walk... all i can do is to pick you up each time after you tumble.
sweets, there are alot of idiots out there who enjoys having more den a lover. you just have to stop at times to realise who these idiots are.
i've had my fair share of falls. and only after every fall... i know i'm stronger. if you think that the seb you saw a month ago was too realistic... you should den see the seb today. people made me who i am today. you know it.
seb at 11:17 AM
exercise
can you believe it?i got home and the first thing i did is to change into my running attire and went for a jog? man... i couldnt believe myself for a moment too... but its real.... because my legs are aching damn badly now.
i'm sooooo tired.
meeting up with regina and jit tomorrow after work for dinner...
tiff asked me to join her on valentine's day... feels kind of wierd... but i suppose that its better den staying at home? afterall... its my first year since a long time ago that i haven had a date on valentine's day.
my legs are wobbly. i need to sleep. sweet dreams.
seb at 8:33 PM
in office
ay i can blog again in office la... only now that i realised its IE that suck.i'm actually quite annoyed when i hear people to say that love is not everything in that tone that as if it doesnt even worth a cent.
of course we know that love is not everything! who doesnt understand that bit should be terminated from earth... seriously. but you cant deny that when you're out of love... when the god damn wound is still so raw... it hurts! it could hurt so much that nothing else around you seem to matter for awhile... but that doesnt mean that its everything, get it?
so i've concluded that anyone who meant that love, in general, doesnt affect you much in any way, could just be that you have yet to experience anything worth remembering. and without a real relationship... you will never understand those tormenting nights... neither will you know how much that "worthless" bit can do to you.
you know nothing about it at all. =)
have to make a trip all the way down to school to pay my revision fees.... dun even know if its worth the money at all... i've been struggling with my studies... and if i dun make it through this year... can you just imagine the amount of money that i've wasted?
i cant give that up now. argh.
seb at 9:41 AM
啊。。。 真的好痛。。。 好痛。
真的好想结束一切。
为何现实对我们这么的残酷？
我的真心。。。 你是否从没看见。 还是或许我掩饰的太好了。
也许我真的爱错了。
seb at 11:24 PM
Sugar
haven been posting sugar's pic for a long long time...
here's a collage of it.
life has been really harsh on me... but thanks to you... i survived.
seb at 7:14 PM
sunday
here's a post for my ever lonely sunday. i remember i came across this article on feng shui... there's an abstract from it which says that "never ever paint your room red unless you've found the one. painting your room red marks an end to your love life." thus, i tink that explains pretty well why my kind of luck. not that i'm really into this kind of things though... its just that when you fail to get an answer from anywhere at all... people tends to make myth a legend. i'm no exception.den it comes to another controversy where God's involved. they said that He had have everything else planned forth... and only the best would have happen to anyone. Ok... i was taken in... i took the liberty to rephrase what they meant into something i thought it could be more comprehensive... so here goes:
He told everyone that he had plans for us... simply to keep us waiting. He had so many prayers to answer all over the world everyday... so we cant blame Him for this wait that seems forever. sometimes He does get frustrated too... over His workload where noone could share. He is a perfectionist... where He would spend light years preparing the best for some, that the rest of us would have already join Him in His kingdom before we could receive our best. I preached once again for all your understanding... He may be God... but He is just one God.
makes sense ay? i might be suffering from sickness... poverty and heartbreaks. i might not be able to know how kings and princes lead their everyday. i might not know how beautiful love really is. but doesnt matter... cos i know... when i die... in my afterlife... He had plans for me.
very much comforting... like how those holy books would wan us to feel. spiritually detached from reality. hurmmm... doesnt that makes you wonder if J.K Rowling is one of those high priests who contributed to the many sacred books we get to see from The Lifebook Store? probably.
i'm not mocking life nor any thing in particular... its just from what i've understood from things people say all the time. =)
i used to have fire of life burning like a blazing forest. used to. if only you knew how disappointed i am... to know that i'm not the one. where we didnt even have a chance to try making things right. sad.
there's a part of me that lingers.
anyway... here's 2 lousy pics from my lousy phone cam on furby.
he's 5yrs old already... 4 years more senior den sugar. =)
seb at 4:28 PM
pre-valentines mood.
i'm seriously dreading that silly day to come.i hate my luck for the kind of girls i've to meet all the time.
some are players... nuf said. some are really nice ones... but they dun like me la...
so much for valentine's day... my only wish for this valentine's day is to have a valentine. a real one. guess i'm just gonna stay so late in office until the train stops its service... and the frequent security checks will find me and chase me out of the building... den i'll quickly rush out for a cab and be home light speed... bury myself under my nice cosy blanket. thats my plan for vday... tentatively... hopefully not... but should be it. =/
i'm so tired... the older you get ah... the more you cannot stand late nights. sweet dreams. people...
sigh.
seb at 3:19 AM
untitled
i just wanna be happy... everyone else that i care to be happy too...i feeling like marrying. to have my own family. a wife who can be both my lover and best friend... for me to spend the rest of my life with. my own kids.
sigh. den again... i suppose that the more i want something... the further it gets... the more it seems like its out of reach.
seb at 11:55 PM
Happy Birthday Mummy!
now that blogger forced all of us to convert... i can no longer blog when i'm in the office...work... is becoming so much of a burden. the politics and stuff is getting pretty visible to me. i can already feel it breathing down my throat. sigh.
anyway.... Happy birthday to my dearest mum! thanks for giving us all your tender loving care over the many many years. i know you prolly might need nothing at the moment... but certainly hope you love the pressie that we've gotten for you... and of cos the abalone feast just now! haha
may your health only gets better always. Love ya!
Picture time!
sugar with her cheeky smile. she said her side profile looks better la.
den my sister tried to have a pic with her... but sugar's hungry.
so my dad tried to hold her too.... now i think she meant that she wans the cake.
My mum
Happy Birthday =)
i wish that i can bring more hope and happiness to all around me. and thats all that matters to me. everything single lovely thing in life above myself.
seb at 10:49 PM
sigh.
sometimes... you just have to know how hard it is to accept a fact that you totally didnt expect for. where the pain comes in so suddenly... that you wish you could just break down n cry. well... at least for me...maybe gary's right. not too bad being a complete jackass afterall. you get a full package of happiness and topped with pleasure... yet there aint any visible price tagged to it i suppose. so prolly i shouldnt just hang in there hoping that someday i'm gonna meet my cinderalla at the most romantic moment in time.
sigh... den again... you're just another passerby... but you're one passerby that i thought could be the one who's gonna stay and spend the rest of my life with.
---------------------------
here's what i had with my phone's cam on the way to attend a meeting at raffles.
a busy street at use to exist.
where everyone works hard to earn for what they have today.
where some may want to share their adventures... the way better den i did.
yet and some.... would just look at you with this sissy look....
=)
i wish... that if i cant be happier... i would be better off dead.
seb at 10:15 PM
materialists
ok now i wanna see a raise of hands... who here isnt a materialist?so i guess everyone of us is.
its not wrong to pursue materials. i'm sure that everyone will definitely have things they wish they could possess. but to me... what matters most isnt what we're hoping for... instead... the process of acquiring them. its not wrong to love diamonds, brandeds and expensive gadgets. it was never the point to begin with. so what differs a rationale being and a material driven person is the means to your end product.
i'm a very rational person... or at least i've learnt to become one. we do it the right way. the way that you know you would never regret... not betraying even a tad off your own self consciousness. i hold well my own esteem... for one should never even think about giving up their own dignity for materials because its priceless.
ok... no more preaching for tonight. can you imagine that i've just finish working? i'm dead tired by now. sweet dreams people.
you're prolly just another passer by.
seb at 1:00 AM
new workstation
my company was nice enough to give me a new laptop to work with. my old work station really cannot make it anymore. imagine running on windows 2000 still. so i told my clerk yesterday regarding the procedures of condeming my current desktop. and this is wad she asked,h: ohh... so u wanna condemn ur old set ah? ermm... wait ah i check for u.
paused for a minute...
h: but urs is pentium 4 leh... still so new....
s: yea... pentium 4 came out 6yrs ago...
h: huh? so long already ah... wah... ur IT knowledge v good ah.
s: -_-""""
sometimes... these people just brightens up my day. heh
here's a pic of my lappy... now can bluetooth pic to com when i'm at work already. haha
seb at 10:43 AM
untitled
the same old feeling lingers around the edge of my soul once again. i could feel it breathing down my neck... anytime would be ready to pounce. human're such complex creatures. so many dimensions that one being may be in at one time. where logical thinking no longer feels logical. where what we perceive rationality to be has now become an abstract of another tale.we leap from places to places like hungry hyenas, searching for the next carcass available (prolly one who died from a heart malfunction too), where we can den slowly enjoy the rest of whatever is remaining (how good can that be anyway). well... its like a cycle... you may call it a vicious one... where the weaker hyenas would die... which den become carcasses themselves... where others will only devour them bit by bit.
how much we should honour words we speak depends on who we're speaking to. some may deserve all due respect... some... believe to be the greatest nemesis of all innocent beings... where we need not explain further. i've been unfortunate enough to meet many of such creatures. where they sing lies with tune like melody. i'm often baffled by these many unpleasant exposures.
Good Ol' Daddy, grant me a wisdom not less den yours, for me to understand hypocrisy behind those pathetic souls. and also vision as clear as wad you see, den i fear no darkness. ay... i do not pray for anything more den just an oasis of serenity amid chaos. so heaven please have pity on me.
seb at 10:35 PM
untitled
every week of my life is always an exciting week. so much things happening 24hours around the clock. pack of lies... ugly truth... bullshits. haha... but den again... whats new right. everyone just refuse to wake up from such hypocrisy... choosing there after... to have their everyday living in delusion.i suddenly happen to come out with an analogy that love/human relations is exactly like a plate of char kway teow. who wouldnt agree that its a simple dish that everyone would love to have. but if we were to give a breakdown to the ingredients, we have mee, kway teow, fish cake, sausage, hum, taogay and garlic, all mixed and fried in black sauce which we no longer can tell which is what.
den they say they always regret losing something that they knew they should have cherished. why bother regretting if in the first place you should have knew what you really wanted? and if you really wanted something... make sure you work for it? haha... the part about fate is really true la.
okok... haha... having said that... i have to repeat this again... everyday is a new beginning! so screw all the bullshits... !
amen.
seb at 10:06 AM
Saint James.
yesterday was the first time i stepped into Saint James Power Station. that place is incredibly big. it was big enough to let me realise that its prolly even worse den the route marches i used to have when i was in the army.met up with many many old friends and i certainly had alot of fun. and i really do cherish every single moment of yesterday. =)
somehow... time freezed. i've forgotten every single unhappy memories for that night. which den made me realise... that i'm about to filter out those who shouldnt deserve to remain in my mind. seriously. =)
though i may not meet anyone suitable now... in the future... or ever... but it doesnt matter. it doesnt even matter if i end up all by myself for the rest of my life. it doesnt matter if noone loves me. yes... i really meant that it doesnt matter anymore. because if i do marry someone... i'm gonna make sure that the someone is worth me marrying... den i'll love you for ever and ever. hah.
hey... is that you? i wish.
anyway... picture time!!
wah... am i lucky or what... hah
a pose for heneiken.
till den... thats all for that day! haha
seb at 11:32 PM
saturday
just woke up not too long ago. went drinking with gary and company.i cant explain why this feeling... but is life all just about what others want or hope to see in you? always saying things that people expect you to speak. behaving the way that everyone deemed fit. and if so... isnt it that all of us are just living in a world nothing but beautiful lies?
den i realised... as easy as it may seem to just be yourself truthfully... most of the times... lies just have to sit in helplessly
我以为这一切就只是那么简单。
here's a song by ping guan... check out the mtv...
黄品冠 - 我以为
你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他有那么好
你说会懂我的失落
不是靠宽容
就能够解脱
我以为
我出现的时候刚好
你和他正说要分开
我以为你
已对他不再期待
不纵容他再给你伤害
我以为我的温柔
能给你真的愉悦
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生
我以为终究
你会慢慢明白
他的心不在你身上
我的关心
你依然无动于衷
我的以为 只是我以为
我以为我的温柔
能给你真的愉悦
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生
他让你红了眼眶
你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好
你要留在谁身旁
我以为我够坚强
却一天天地失望
少给我一点希望
希望就不是奢望
却输得那呢绝望
seb at 5:01 PM
untitled
i've been repeating this new song by ping guan since morning. feels so real. its a pretty sad mtv too...now... amongst all my troubles... it left me feeling worse. suddenly i feel like being nowhere else but in my bed. yes... at home... in my bed. want to do nothing at all... its where i feel most comfortable. the safest place on earth to be, especially when you're facing a storm like now.
why m i feel so dejected. so alone. could feel those lil ticklish tingles right at the core of my heart.
seb at 3:23 PM
a paradise?
as much as i want to rant about those lil somethings at work... i cant... or perhaps... i should better avoid.i've been dreading for the past few days... especially today since its a friday. usually the worst day of my week. i'm in search of a paradise. somewhere for me to run away for sometime. where i'll feel comfortable, safe from all. where i could feel love, warmth.
i'm so tired... especially this period of time. when everything else seems like they're all crumbling. all that i've planned forth. everything went nothing but the otherwise.
embrace me forever... like you'll never let me go...
seb at 10:18 AM
tired.... very...
i tell you... as you age... you really cant stand anymore late nights.my body clock is constantly reminding me of my time to knock out everyday after 10pm.
i'm too tired to blog anything more for today...
just that i met up with gary (back from korea) and qiqi earlier for dinner... den good'ol qiqi gave us a pair of complimentry tixs at engwah... den me and gary end up catching Apocalypto. its a damn cool show to catch la i tell you... so much blood... i like. hah.
anyway... here's the pic for today. sweet dreams peeps.
seb at 1:20 AM
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