farewell... 2006
today finally marks the last day of this very depressing year. i'm not too sure how good this year is to many of you out there... but its definitely a heart wrenching one for me.but amongst my despair... i realised many friendships... who's true to me and who's just another. i've learnt many lessons in life... that makes me who i am today.. and who i will be. some taught me how to love... some made me realised that kinship is unconditional... some made me understood the importance of dignity that one should keep.
this man of dreams... realised how different reality can be... picking himself up each time he falls. he fought many unspoken battles... countless. living each day to his fullest... for he know that some day... someone... will share this same dream.
this entry will be a tribute to everyone who have made a difference in me.
especially to my late grandma... and both my grandpas who left us this year. i know i'll never had a chance to tell you how much i love you folks... nor to show you how much i miss you. i beg for your forgiveness for the incompetence i've shown. i've failed you... i'm so sorry. if there's ever an after life... i'll see you den... i really miss you guys. i teared.
a minute of silence. for you... grandpa... you'll be dearly missed... eternally.
lets forget and forgive the past... its a fresh start tomorrow. there's nothing that i can offer to anyone right now. only my photos.
just like a clock, it tells us all kinds of stories. and from each story... it speaks a lesson.
seb at 5:43 PM
my snapshots.
i'm really tired after a long long day... from everything.here's some abstracts i did today... in the office and on the way to meet gary n company.
to start off with my office series. they're all in black and white... just the way i was feeling.
and here's the series on my way to meet the peeps. they're in color... noise and blurness are all part of my intentions... they tell something.
they're all taken with my phone's cam. though they look kind of dumb... and i doubt anyone would know wad they mean... but this is my kind of art... they speak. hope you enjoyed the photos.
seb at 3:39 AM
untitled
why's time passing so slowly ah...??? hahahatoo tired to go out... haha... i just wanna be home... asap.... hahah =D
dunno if i can get myself connected to the net when i'm home... but i should be sleeping la... so anything just text me aite... dun call.. hahaha...
seb at 4:15 PM
untitled
i feel like going on a photo trip... even if its ard sg.this sudden surge of inspirations. i've never had it for a long long time. prolly emotions r just overwhelming. my photos always do my talking. well... at least i can read what i shoot myself.
i'm gonna name my daughter faith... and my son zackary. wad says you?
seb at 11:33 AM
untitled
suddenly my world kind of freezed. suffering from internet withdrawal syndromes. i would just sit infront of my computer at home every night.. desperately trying to get myself somewhere in the all cyber era.if only i'm more capable den what i am right now. if only i'm better den what i've always wanted to be. i wish i can do more, cant you see... sometimes its like a love bird without another... a me without my limbs.
i genuinely wished tt everyone ard me could be much better off. at least happy. even if it means for me to give myself up... like how He loves us. for you know that my life would never be a life without people i care for.
to me... love doesnt only live for now... the past... nor the future... as long as u believe in it... love exist. =)
seb at 10:52 AM
lunch hour
| Your Birthdate: January 18 |
 For you, love is a feeling that lingers for really long time - even after a relationship is totally over. In fact, you still make have strong feelings for the first person you fell in love with. You usually are reluctant to end relationships. And sometimes you're the last to know that things are ending! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 9th, 18th, and 27th of the month. |
-__-"
| You Are Lightning |
 Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing |
-____________-"
anyway... msn is blocked in my office la... so ya... can email me at my office's mailbox instead...
seb at 1:25 PM
the inauguration
we who believe in love will live, even though the distance.and whoever lives n believes in love, will never die.
do you believe this? i asked.
i wondered if its a moment thing for you too. i wondered if this was intended. everything just came in almost too beautifully that i wonder. 4.5yrs may be quite sometime, but time is no measuring tape. for as long as our hearts knit, no oceans will tear us part.
you might be right, maybe this is what we've been waiting for.
time will tell...
seb at 12:11 AM
The Xmas Party
the Xmas countdown last night was fun. its always good to be able to spend a day like this with your closest friends... and of cos... a special someone. it was cool. haha.. prolly one of the better xmas.here's 2 of the pics tt gary took for me last night at safra town club.
my bestest buddy gary. eh we can start planning for NYE... everything's gonna be much better for sure! you know i'm always with ya!
eh i dunno why i always end up with silly expressions la... always spoil the picture. but anyway, she kept me smiling. =)
seb at 4:37 PM
Merry Xmas!
wonderful white xmas.i couldnt have been happier without you.
thank you so much.
seb at 4:27 AM
After grooming
Sugar's finally back from grooming!!!when i left her with the groomer this afternoon... i could feel the pinch in my heart that i'll have to leave her with a complete stranger. i was quite worried that they are gonna ill treat sugar. cos sugar is rather playful la... so not many pple can stand her.
but well.. she's back home safely... and pretty.
here's some pics of her now...
Merry Xmas everyone..! i wanna thank seb daddy for my new xmas tee... and of course my new hair cut...
Signing off,
Sugar
seb at 4:49 PM
merry... xmas?
Most guys advertise by making eyes and telling lies. if only i could see it... if only i knew that this would help. i could have just face reality, lie to love, lie to the world. prolly that would make my life so much easier.xmas is just 3 days away from now. i used to not having to bother about how i'm gonna celebrate, or who to celebrate this special day with. now for a moment, i feel as if i'm left with nothing.
i remembered clearly when i was still a boy. in that lil chapel of my alma mater.. they preached that if i were to go to him, i'll never go hungry. and for me to believe in you... i'll never be thirsty. i dunno how much of a sinner i am... but i've definitely not sinned that much did i?
someone told me today, that in this season of joy and sharing, you'll be taking away our sins, the pain that i'm feeling. but i thought that they werent necessary. i used to talk everynight... my daily encounters. i'm not sure if u heard me... but one thing's for sure... noone responded.
this year, is prolly the year that i've ever receive so many xmas pressies. those who cared around me... truely touched my life in many ways... least did you people know... it meant so much to me.
thank you people. thank you.
sigh... my health's in pretty bad shape too... losing alot of hair... sigh... doctor says its stress. that's something i think i cant avoid can i?
if given a choice... would you not care?
seb at 11:51 PM
the answer.
i met up with her earlier on in school.as i've mentioned in the previous posts... that she came back to me telling me tt she lost feelings for her bf... den tell me that she misses me.
i thought that i owe her quite abit in the past... so i was comtemplating between moving on and giving the rs a second chance. den i've decided that the best way to make up for all my wrongs in the past would be leaving it to her to decide on how impt i am.
i dun think i was asking too much when i said tt she can only choose either me or her bf. cos in the first place... i dun think she has the right to choose anyway. but still, i owe her that.
she knew that if she couldnt decide by tonight, she's losing me for good. and guess what.. when we met up... as expected... she told me that if only she knew wat to do. and best of all.. SHE'S CLUBBING WITH HER BF AFTER SCHOOL. traumatised.
if i was that impt... you wun even need a second to think if you should leave your bf. and your reason stinks. you just wished tt you can have the both of us dun you? in the past, i might be dumb enough to wait patiently for that answer. in the past i might...
i always thought that i wasnt good enough for you, that is why you've been complaining. BUT... you knew i could have given you everything. my love for you was definitely generous. and it could have been never ending. you knew that you could have depended on me for the rest of your life.
silly you... to think that i wun make it... now i tell you... i will definitely turn out much more den what you've ever thought of me. silly me... its you who dun deserve me.
for the very first time... i told her to leave me alone.
seb at 10:51 PM
loop
why am i always your option and not your priority? if i meant as much as you claim... why do you hurt me so? you dun know wad you want. and wad you want is definitely not me.if you meant well... leave me alone... let me move on...
lets drop this topic for now...
today in the toilet.. this guy in my office came running in... he prolly had to shit soon. he went dashing into a cubical and a second later i could already hear it splurting. i wanted to stop him from using tt cubical... not because i didnt want him to make it on time... but i was there earlier and there aint no toilet paper in it.
it took him awhile to come out... i dunno how.
seb at 9:26 PM
rainy days... the usual
rainy days now seems to make me stronger. i think.she has been constantly peeking into my life... somewhat wanted to remind me that i should remain the way i am forever. whats the point of having to tell me those empty misses when you're already attached.
enough. cant you see... i'm no longer the seb you think you knew. things have changed quite abit... time flies. just in case you've not realised.
in this lil corner of my room, is my very own kingdom. i'm the king of my very own empire, where there's noone to govern. noone but only myself. its where i'm safe from this ugly ugly world.
katie melua soothes my soul.
seb at 12:12 AM
untitled.
just came home after meeting clara... its been awhile... hahaguess i had fun today...
anyway... did i mention tt we had a guest on jac's wedding? spot her yourself.
time for bed... sweet dreams peeps.
seb at 1:08 AM
Jac's wedding.
Best wishes to Jac and Jonathan.i'll let the pictures to do the talking.
enjoy.
seb at 5:44 PM
Photoshoot
damn tired now... have to complete the shoot i did today... before i get tonnes of other new photos to edit after tomorrow. i promised my cousin to her be backup photographer for her wedding... and i've to actually be at her place by 5.30am... and yet i'm still awake at this hour...looks like tomorrow's gonna be a long day for me...
anyway... here are some of the pics i've taken today.
DISCLAIMERS: Please note that these photos are ONLY for viewing purposes. i, as the blog owner as well as photographer, reserve ALL rights to do whatever i want with the photos. Legal actions will be taken if anyone is caught using MY photos for any other purposes.
enjoy!
Sweet dreams.
seb at 1:05 AM
TGIF... NIGHT
i would like to improvise the line "Thank god its friday". i really hated friday alot. have been working for 5 full days... 3rd day of lesson.. and econs. i'm completed depleted. always having problems concentrating in class... i'm glad its friday night now... having a long weekend... meeting my dearest clara finally, on monday for her friend's gig.and ever since i've explored my curiousity with people taking photos in the toilet... sub-conciously... i think i'm obsessed with it myself... haha
here's another one today in the toilet...
p.s. are the pictures too dark? cos they look damn bright on my lcd.
seb at 10:45 PM
My LCD!
ok... work today was very hectic... but since now i'm home... i shall try to do abit of homework later. haha.nothing much to blog about today anyway. just wanted to make an entry for my new LCD! hahahhah.
here it is!
and also... i've noticed alot of pple like taking pics like this in the toilet la... so i just wanna follow the crowd. haha
seb at 8:35 PM
NEW MONITOR.
remember i mentioned earlier that my monitor gave way?i took another loan off my dad to pay for my new 19"" wide screen LCD monitor tomorrow. HAHAHA.... freaking happy...
den on the other hand... though lately life's been on the very down side for me... somehow... i've been attracting a lil bit of attention from the opps sex. i m not sure if its a good thing... but i'm totally not very excited abt it... in fact... its getting into my way sometimes... =/
anyway... i want to whine about my job la... but den again... better not... god knows who's gonna bump into this deserted site anytime.
here's a pic of me today in the office.
seb at 11:11 PM
in the office.
first time blogging from my office.everything seems to be happening so quickly late. and if you've decided to take a sec away to breath... you'll prolly end up missing a whole chunk of everything.
emotionally, i do not know if i'm stable yet. but sometimes... those dreams still haunts me. and only recently a friend of mine happen to start calling me. we went out twice... she told me that she kind of like me. i dun exactly know what is wrong with me, but the feeling isnt anywhere near great. you know... more like some mix feelings. i told her that i aint ready for anything. not that i know i'm not ready though. its kind of tough to tell anyway. the feeling just wasnt right. the feeling when we were together just wasnt strong enough to help me drop those other pieces that i'm still holding on to.
ah... to sum everything up... i'm a big mess i think. i just cant seem to find someone who can give me that kind of feeling that i've been looking for. to wash away my pain. there's a scar on me that someone will have to help me heal. there's no way tt i can ever do it myself. i needed an embrace tt can save me from everything now. i'm so exhausted.
seb at 12:59 PM
last night was the night.
as i've casually addressed the many downs i've faced lately in my previous post, last night, was the night when i've finally decided to take a break away from everything. its been awhile since i've clubbed anyway. met up with gary and joel later at night yesterday. initially we wanted to go MOS, but the Q there was incredibly, amazingly unbelievable. we ended up at dbl O.its nice to always chill out with a couple of better friends. bumped into quite a few of those whom i have yet to have a chance to meet up for a long long time. they were all my childhood friends and it almost felt as if that our teenage days were just yesterday.
i seriously had alot of fun. thanks guys.
do i look drunk here? haha
lynn and i
seb at 7:36 PM
what my horoscope says.
i was too tired last night to remember this...was reading my horoscope in the office yesterday and i saw this.
One of your most admirable characteristics is that even when you feel like giving up, your internal drive keeps you going. Someone gives you a boost today, and you find that with some encouragement, your creativity takes off.
things are definitely getting kind of tough right now. i'm not sure how am i gonna get myself out of it... but i will. i'll prolly break down once in awhile... but i know i will.
seb at 3:55 PM
when life wans to put you down.
you know there're so many factors in life that often revolves around you everyday. some are obvious, so we can react the way we should, better still, that we can prevent them from happening. not den again, not everything's as obvious as it should be. those underlying ones are usually the ones that kill.lately for me, many of those underlying problems are beginning to surface. and it seems to me that life's really out to put me down. but being the seb i am... you know that i'll never give up with a fight. though it may seem that this time... i'll most prolly have to pick up a long battle.
not that i'm full of praises for myself, but i just dun understand what's there that's holding me back for so long... diminishing all thoughts everytime i tell myself that maybe its time to find a soulmate. its like everytime when i think i might fall in love again... reminiscences will always remind me of the cons i might face in a rs.
i hate to put myself back into that never ending loop over and over again. i'm not sure how successful i'm this time... but at least... i think i'm. just in case if some of you might wonder what loop am i now refering to... those who know me better will know.
though right now it may seem that since my career is picking up... and also having to cope with my studies... leaving me with no time for anything else at all. but if you people could only see... despite how hectic one's life may seem... a person is never complete without a balance. right now i think i realised that i'm pretty much off the equilibrium.
nevertheless... i am still fighting. if life wans to put me down that much... den it just have to try harder (which i hope not... pls!).
seb at 11:26 PM
lost of words.
suddenly... everything all seem to have went wrong.everything starts crashing in on me all over again. everything.
my pc is down. the monitor busted.
and there's something else... something else that is hurting me so much more. god knows me well. that pain... you would have already expected. i am totally speechless. really.
seb at 10:53 PM
its heating up already.
i've a class test tomorrow... exams are drawing near... i'm left with about 8 more lessons for each units... yet still... i cant seem to get myself into the right kind of mood. everything seems to be happening just the way it had like yesterday. nothing's changing... nothing's moving... only that time's passing me very quickly.work, on the other hand, is picking up faster den i expect it to be. each day i spent in office is another learning day. and of course... i arrived 15mins earlier today in the office just to catch a clearer view of my work station and my office as promised. and here it is.
anyone of you here watch that superstar series? its my first time today for this season... and i have to say... they're not very amazing... nothing near amazing in fact.
seb at 8:22 PM
monday blues.
i could definitely understand how monday blues actually come about... least that i realised today when i stepped into the office... not only tt most of the men in the office were in blue shirt... even i'm in blue too... so tt concludes a blue beginning. hahai cant believe that i'm actually going to bed now. i'm extremely exhausted. gonna accompany yashi to PS tml during lunch to buy mirror. my desk isnt exactly positioned at the best corner in the office... so i've to see who's behind me... hahah
whats more to say when i have class tml night. argh.... i'm already dreading school...
seb at 9:15 PM
weekends are for shopping.
my weekends these days are purely used for shopping ya. i needed to get myself some new tops for my fridays. since we get to dress down on fridays yet they dun allow tee shirts. so i've decided to use this as an excuse to pamper myself again.i wish i can buy more... but due to my low credit limit... i only manage to buy 2 pieces la... so here's it...
call me the shopping king. noone can beat me in shopping ya. haha
had dinner with gary at 85 market. you'll be impressed by the amount of food we had la... but den again... 2 single man... what's there to lose anyway? haha
seb at 10:45 PM
office flu.
i dunno if it has to do with the season or what... but flu in the office seems to be the in thing now. i've just recovered not too long ago... but now... i'm down with it again.its definitely tougher den i thought to juggle between school and work. i could hardly keep myself awake during classes most of the time. headaches... flu worsen... cant even absorb 20% of what was taught. if i ever gonna pull through my studies this year... it has to be god's gift for sure.
friday's the day where we get to dress down... not very dressed down though... meaning i have to spend more money to buy more "dressed down" tops. darn broke now.
this morning i shared a common lift to the office with mr lee hsien yang. while i was standing beside him... the screen in the lift displayed the carnival where we get to dump our CEO mr lee hsien yang into a tank of water. i looked at him... den the screen... and i smiled.
anyway... here's half of my huge desk in the office... i tried to get a whole view of it... but i have to stand a distance away from it... which is rather noticable to everyone... so i would rather not be a clown...
here's it...
i'm still thinking of ways to deco my area... any suggestions?
seb at 11:15 PM
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|
| |
|
