Happy Birthday Clara!!!
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Clara.... Happy birthday to you!may ur dreams come true.
seb at 12:11 AM
just some thoughts.
was catching this series called "top on the forbidden city" on vcd earlier on. den i realised some lines they spoke do mean something afterall.life's like a mirror, when you smile, it smiles. when you cry, it cries. women are like our shadows, it runs each time you try chasing after it. but when you choose to walk away from it, it'll always be walking beside you.
suddenly, i realised that its not just about winning anymore, because i've yet to even challenge myself.
have a lil faith in me, for you people will see me shine one day.
seb at 10:53 PM
never did like rainy days.
just came back from eric's place. not everything was according to what i was hoping for actually, but i guess i still have to do with it. starting work tomorrow instead. kind of disappointed actually.his son grew quite abit since the last time i saw him. amazingly charming now. here's a couple of candids. enjoy.
here's evan. 1.5yrs old, or somewhere near there. he can already run by now!
cute isnt he? he's in a man's world now.
and here's some fatherly love. forgive me for the technical side of these shots. wasnt really in the right mood to think today.
the motion was intended, but didnt expect it to turn out this way.
when eric was tickling his tummy.
father and son. lucky him, such a bubbly boy. didnt have a chance to catch min min today. perhaps some other day, i'll show you how much that lil princess had grown.
this weather is really killing my mood. i wish there's someone here for me to hug right now. need to find that comfort zone of mine, which i once had. sigh. life's a tough nut to crack. being ur own director was never easy. gotta try harder next time.
seb at 6:32 PM
the time has come.
after 2 years plus of life long struggle, today i've finally taken another big step front, pertaining to the big 'O'. i no longer have to wake up during wee hours just to get my ass into camp, wasting beautiful moments of my life away. kind of looking forward to meet up with eric tomorrow, cant wait to see that 2 bubbly kids of his.today also marks the day, that neither me nor you, could ever turn back.
i was checking up on the meaning of my name and my horoscope in the office today. didnt know my name means respect and leadership. and also did my horoscope says that i've been in a misanthropic mood lately. i wonder how true this is (remember that my earlier post was saying that i really dun feel like going out at all).
lets just sit back and await for whatever's ahead of me. i know i'm all set for this.
if life's a stage, i will be the director. you'll see.
seb at 6:35 PM
dogs to soup...
check out this linkhttp://www.koreananimals.org/dogs_p1.htm
those mother fucking koreans should burn in hell. i'm very sure those dogs do not deserve such treatments.
in the name of God, save those doggies. those people are sick. dirt sick.
seb at 11:51 PM
monday blues.
i'm tired... but i cant sleep... i dunno why.somewhat... feeling empty.
noone to blame. its just me.
like an empty bottle being left all alone at the end of this long long corridor.
just feel like giving up.
seb at 3:54 PM
today was...
woke up early in the morning for the Army Half Marathon. rush here and rush there, end up didnt even manage to step out of city hall MRT because it was already raining. they end up calling me that we can go home already. basket, if i know i dun go.we den headed towards sun tec for breakfast and along the way...
my fun loving colleagues decided to play water! haha... its the fortune fountain actually. i made a wish there.
met up with huiyin in the afternoon for a shoot at fort canning. i wanted to try out my new camera actually. and she agreed to be my test tube baby. lucky me lor, a babe for model, dun envy. HAHA! here're 2 shots from the shoot...
check out my album for more of it.
here's one special edition
i think she got annoyed with me that i keep asking her to shift here and there to pose, its my turn to pose! haha... i just have to give her that monkey face....
at the end of the day, nothing beats a nice chill glass of coffee and of course, her brownie.
today was kind of ... FUN!
seb at 11:30 PM
sugar's fascinated with the speakers.
mum and sis were watching vcd on the home theater system in the living room. and sugar was barking away, at the speakers. she just couldnt understand why are there people in that lil black box. tilting her head from left to right, den right to left.we had a good laugh. =)
seb at 10:49 PM
Sugar
its been awhile since i snapped some pics of sugar... since i'm dateless today... here they are:
she was happily chewing on that dirty bone of hers, when i've decided to drag her to a photo session, which of course, she's always reluctant to, dun ask me why (she hates to be on the chair).
here she is... looking so helpless once again on that chair... haha... i just enjoyed it la...
i put on that bell qiqi gave her and told her to give me an act cool pose, here it is... haha
isnt she just so cute? haha
den, i said cheese! and she smiled. =) . dont you people just love her? well, i do.
and here's a quote from keith's msn nick,
to the world you may be just one person. but to one person, you may mean the world.
if only you knew this.
seb at 5:01 PM
what is wrong with myself?
i'm becoming so short tempered that sometimes, i have problems controlling myself. i flare up easily, gets grumpy, always irritated over the slightest thing. i know sometimes that i might have over-reacted, but i just cant help losing it! maybe when they say not only an hungry man thats an angry man, but also a man without love makes an angrier man.i lost my cool when my dad was driving me home earlier on, over my temp job i've found while i'm clearing my leave. i know he's telling me all those out of concern, but i just dun understand why is he still treating me like i'm not sure of what i am doing. haven i proven myself so many times? even till now, i've given up the idea of having a new car. sometimes, the more you expect something to come your way, the more disappointment you'll face when things dun turn out the way you expect it to be.
just when you people think that there's nothing that i would be stressed up for, you're wrong! doesnt mean that if you're not the sole bread winner means you're free from stress. i face stress all the time, be it necessary ones or those redundant ones. i worry for my studies, when i have problems catching up with the syllabus since its been 3yrs that i've left school. i worry that i cant find a job i am happy with on time, means no money to fund whatever i'm liable for. i worry that i might put on weight as i'm becoming lazier so to speak. i worry that i'll never meet the right one someday! i miss those people i've lost over these few months, especially my grandpa. see? i'm not exactly happy go lucky as all of you might think i am.
maybe i should try working on it myself. i have no idea how to, but i'll try. its so not me. sigh.
seb at 10:55 PM
new loots.
was checking my letter box when i just got home from work and realised that qiqi's mail had arrived. everybody loves sugar. qiqi bought this neck bell for sugar and mailed it over to me. i'll try to get a pic of sugar with it when i have the time for it, but as of now, here's the bell:
its nice being cute isnt it? haha
and also... cheng sing called me up as soon as i picked up the bell from the mail box. he saw my ad on the forums on the lens i wanted to buy. den he offered me his lens at a very very attractive price which i would hate myself if i ever turn down that offer. and so, my good old mum decided to lend me some cash, together with all that i have, that tack sharp lens is now in my possession! i'm soooo broke. here's it:
with this, i officially declare that i'm penniless. any kind soul would like to fund my next purchase (a flash)? i'll love you for sure!
ok i'm still feeling kind of sick, but come to think about it, 2 more days in the camp, and i'm free to do whatever i want to. how sweet.
seb at 11:05 PM
Tamron AF 17-35mm f2.8-4 Di LD Aspherical
i'm still feeling a lil sick even though i was practically sleeping for the entire day.i'm having this urge to get this tamron lens that i've been yearning for all these while.
but sad to know that my bank account doesnt like this lens very much. sigh.
there're so many stuff that i wan to buy, and they're not really very expensive. money's not really a problem, the problem's that i got no money!
thoughts for the night:
its not about how wrong things have been for me, its about how am i gonna make them right. one's level of maturity doesnt comes by with the number of years you live, its about the number of adversities we meet and the willingness to learn.
i know that the sky is never too high for me, i'm gonna make it. you'll see.
seb at 10:28 PM
sick.
i'm not feeling well again. maybe too much stress lately. haven been sleeping well. but i guess i'm gonna sleep through today, like nothing else ever happened.i was brave on that msg, like we're just friends. the happy birthday, the well wishes for your trip, with him. when you said nothing else more den me to rememeber your present. i will. you'll see the change in me soon enough. i'll be different. take care.
let me dwell a lil longer. just a lil longer.
seb at 2:04 PM
i'm tired.
i lost all the zest i used to have. no longer find every day as interesting as they used to be. soon i'm going to ORD, yet i cant find anyone to share this joy with me, or maybe there isnt any joy left i suppose. i'm so tired, i needed a quick getaway.nothing seems to be right, even for photography. it seems like i'm stagnant with this new cam. i cant seem to overpower this cam, just like how i cant handle my own life. you know how helpless it feels to have zero control over your own things, especially things that you have a passion for.
its her birthday tomorrow. and she's leaving for aus with him in a week's time. maybe i should just drop her a msg? whatever happens including the things that she've said the other day still haunts me. not that i'm not over her, but somehow its affecting my confidence for the next relationship.
i should be putting up at eric's shop for the next one month or so, till i get myself a new job. suddenly the thought of leaving the army scares me. like a new born being left all alone in this whole new world.
grandpa, how's everything for you up there? still doing well? just to let you know that i miss you.
just took this... dun you think i need some sleep? didnt shave for 2 days... and i already look horrible.
still waiting up till mid night.
seb at 9:35 PM
when they're all just photos and memories.
i went on without much sleep for two consecutive nights. i didnt wanna fall asleep, because i know i only have this much time with grandpa. 7 days have passed with just a blink of an eye. now the only time we get to see grandpa is only through photos and memories.his coffin was very well decorated with flowers all over. i could see him at peace. i teared quietly when they sealed the window. for then i know, they're taking him away. i didnt break down too hard, but trust me, i very much would love to. i have to get hold of myself first before i could calm my cousins down. in fact, i might be feeling much worse den most of them. i love grandpa.
when we were on our way to the crematoria hall, flashbacks of grandpa and i came flushing through my head. you know how it feels, its killing me softly, slowly. but now, grandpa's safe in god's arms. reunited with grandma after this 7 long years of seperation (i've always have a thing or two with the number 7). i'm just disappointed that he didnt make it to see me get married. but he's somewhere better now.
i'm glad to be your grandson all these years. its my honour to have a grandpa like you. if given a choice, i would wanna be your grandson still. rest well grandpa, i know you'll watch over us from up above. you're the best. i love you.
24 dec 1924 - 15 aug 2006
will always be remembered.
seb at 9:49 PM
I CANT STAND THIS NONSENSE!
WHO SAYS I M NOT GOING OVER TO SYDNEY. CLARA... DID I TELL YOU THAT I WILL BE GOING OVER TO FIND YOU IN SYDNEY?its damn freaking childish of you. to act like you knew everything in this fucking world. who do you think you're? just because i ONCE loved you doesnt mean i'm a push over to you forever! you can think whatever you wan about me for all i care. you and your mr-chao-kaypo-who's-always-acting-smart-together-with-you-so-that-he-can-start-breaking-people-up-with-those-filthy-money-of-his-just-because-he's-UGLY.
argh... i'm sorry i've to stoop low for this. i'm flaring up like a kid i know... BUT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO TAKE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU CANT LISTEN. IF YOU CANT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM DEN LET IT BE. DUN GO AROUND ACTING LIKE DICK TRACY FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOUR BRAIN RECEIVES. HAVE YOU GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO? GROW UP!
seb at 3:34 AM
time flies.
today's the 4th day of the wake. in less den 3 days time, i know i will never ever see grandpa again. the chemicals injected into him is losing its effect, his skin tone's changing. it hurts me so much to even think about it.i wanna thank those who've smsed and tagged me after reading my entries. and also to thank my dearest friends from camp who've came down earlier on. also to those who didnt come but contributed to part of the sum of money. especially to keith who've prepared something extra as words of encouragement.
here's a picture of it.
this is wad it reads inside the card:
Just remember that it's true: it takes rain to make rainbows, lemons to make lemonade, and sometimes it takes difficulties to make us stronger and better people. The sun will shine again soon... you'll see. - Collin McCarty
i hope and i'll wait to see.
keith also shared this part of a lyrics by Corrine May who wrote it for her mum who's suffering from cancer.
you can fly so high, feel your gaze upon the sky. i'll be praying every step along the way. even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart, i'll love you, too much to make you stay. baby fly away... - Fly away
i'll beginning to miss not only my grandpa, but also all the wonderful friends i've made during my army days. also sadness amongst my happiness, this journey in the army, is almost over. but i'm sure that these are friends to keep for life. thank you guys, for being here for me all the time.
seb at 5:59 PM
life after life.
do you believe in life after life? like do we really go to heaven or hell after death? i was just wondering earlier on during the ritual, seeing grandpa in that beautifully furnished brown coffin, oblivious of everything around him. 3days passed just like that, and we're in the 4th now. everything seems so sudden, like how i was talking to him a week ago, and now, he's gone. i stood there without a word, having flashbacks from the times when i was still a kid, till recently. i'm gonna miss the old stern deep voice of grandpa. tears inevitably welled till the brim of my eyes.she came down earlier on. her mr know-it-all-plus-the-nicest-fucker-in-the-whole-wide-world drove her down. its been awhile since i last saw her. nothing really changed, except for her new permed hair style. we chatted like usual, laughed like usual, everything was as usual, just that we're no longer related in every sense of that word. she belongs to someone else. i shook her hand before she left, it felt strange, as if i didnt recognise that hand at all.
sometimes, my heart could tear as badly as anyone else, or even worse. but i've always tried covering them up for the sake of everyone else around me. seb's cheerful, seb's jumpy, seb's anything goes. well sometimes true, but you see, i've been covering so much stuff these days that now i'm pretty confused myself. good thing to know, sugar's with me.
seb at 12:50 AM
people changes.
she's coming down to pay her last respect to my grandpa later. with the other guy. i'm actually quite bothered about it. i dunno whats really up my puny lil brain but i couldnt help thinking about it. i wun say that i've completely moved on, maybe just that i still do think of her once in awhile, on the sweet lil moments where we use to hang around town doing nothing.tell me that i'm not good. i dun feel good. isnt a faithful guy who can love you all his life that you've always wanted? i could be the one... why give me up? people change fast dun they?
why am i still holding on to silly lil things you've made for me when nobody even cares about it?
you dun understand me at all. i'm hurt.
seb at 5:36 PM
thank you
just got home not too long ago. i'm totally worn out. its prolly one of the worst times i've had this year. i wanna thank those who've sent their regards, including ting, clara (for that overseas call), tiff, huiyin, cynthia and jamie (for the wreath), jacq, keith, shaun, vincent, gary and stella (thanks for coming down).now i really wish there's someone here for me to embrace. i needed it so badly.
i knew you for the past 22years 7mths. you've taught me the morals we share in life. the courage to face the many downfalls. you're a great mentor to me, a great role model. i wanna thank you for the many precious moments that we've shared together. this journey with you is priceless. now that you've reunited with granny, i wish you well for your new life elsewhere. now you're safe in God's arms, where i know you'll be somewhere, looking over all your loved ones. you cried softly on granny's departure 7 years ago, and today, after you passed on, i've seen your tears once again. i know you can still hear me, i know you cared. i miss you grandpa, all the time.
seb at 3:28 AM
it happened.
grandpa just passed away. so many thoughts are running through my mind. i do not know how long more can i hold on to this. they say times in army is lowest point of a man's life, i have to agree. lost 2years plus of freedom, a girl i loved, and now, within 3 months, i lost 2 grandpas. life's a bitch.as soon as i received the msg from my sister this morning, i rushed down as soon as possible. i was running helplessly towards the ward you're in. i couldnt run any faster. i'm sorry that i'm a tad too late. i'm sorry that i couldnt make it on time. you look so pale. not like that strong man i used to know you to be. i blame myself for not being able to tell you my last goodbye.
i miss you grandpa. i really do. i'm so down. i'm feeling so terrible. cant believe all these are actually happening to me. i miss you. i miss you.
seb at 11:35 AM
this ugly world we live in.
was browsing thru someone else's blog this afternoon and i caught this other blog which i tot i should share. a hit and run incident, caused a life of man's best friend. people these days dont even have the courtesy to get their ass of their fucking car seat to even take a look at what they've hit. just because they're not human doesnt mean that you are free from bars, cause god knows what u've done and you're gonna pay for it.shame on you, mother fucker.
hershey fought hard, he's a fighter. i'm sure that your mummy didnt wan this to happen either. i'm sure she could feel your pain too. rest in peace my lil one, for there're other friends who're waiting for you on the other side of the rainbow bridge. send my regards to Rover, and tell him i miss him too. take care, hershey.
here's a link to the site: http://weprayforhershey.blogspot.com/
and to top this up, try reading the straits times today. some son of a penis brutally murdered a cat. are these people sick in the mind or what? they should all be hanged. i thought that the laws should ought to be reinforced.
i'm utterly disgusted by Singaporean these days, or at least those who're living in Singapore to be fair. is this us humans or just this country alone? apart from all the fucked up service attitudes we've here, moral education we've learnt obviously didnt work at all. feelings changes like nobody's bloody business, and now to make things worse, people dont even feel at all!
i think i need a break from all these nonsense... might be going on a short trip to either vietnam or thailand with a friend. a quick run away.
seb at 10:10 PM
something about sugar.
nothing much about this sunday actually. nothing much happening. went to visit grandpa with my sis this afternoon. though he's having a fever of 38.1 deg, somehow i felt that he's getting better. i wiped his face, brushed his hair, tidy up his eye brows. he's gonna be impressed with what i've done for him once he's awake.back to the topic, i realised that everytime when sugar shits, it always comes in 3 pieces. weird isnt it? she counts. she's chewing much lesser after dropping 3 teeth. still as irritating. paper trained. just bathed today. forever so adorable. thats my sugar.
i cant imagine life without you. thanks for keeping me so busy all the time. and i love you!
seb at 9:46 PM
jamie's birthday
just got home not too long ago. i know things have not been too good for me lately, but still, i've to embrace myself today, especially on my cousin's birthday.woke up earlier today to do some shopping with my sister at ntuc. we're suppose to be in-charge of the snacks. as promised, i also bought the necessary ingredients for baking jamie's birthday cake. here's the final product.
doesnt look that bad isnt it? except for the melted chocolate. they finished it up eventually.
my bubbly baby cousin, alicia. she's really a laughing machine. a very haughty one though.
xavier (my nephew), keline (my niece), and of course, my sister.
people says 3 women makes a market. i couldnt agree more to it. pauline, jacqueline and the birthday girl, jamie.
cynthia and han bin (her husband). both are successful young working executives. cynthia's the one that really pull the bond between us cousins closer.
my aunt and gavin. they, family members of jeysey's, owns 340578340957 dogs altogether. i salute.
this is kyla. one of my cousin's, jeysey, many dogs. he's a handsome chap, very well mannered. like i've always love to compare, i wish sugar can be half as good as him. they asked me why didnt i bring sugar along with me. my answer was pretty simple, to get her out of trouble.
today was pretty enjoyable. but no matter how much fun i had, grandpa's always on my mind. gonna visit him again tomorrow.
and also, to you, though i haven exactly moved on, but i'm beginning to accept life without you. you were never here for me too. grandpa likes you. but you didnt even bother to ask further, or even send ur regards since that day we msged. for that pack of lies you've honoured me with, i saw beauty in another. through my darkest moments, i see light. hope its not gonna end up another fake flare, though its highly possible that its just another lost soul with a torchlight finding her own way out.
god, you hear me? i've been talking to ya every other night. spend some time answering my questions sometimes will ya? good night.
seb at 1:24 AM
regrets.
just a brief summary of my day.spent the entire afternoon at tampines safra for archery. its something new to me and i thought was kind of interesting. here's a montage of the event.
i apologise for the tone in this post. i am not exactly in the best mood. just got home not too long ago from the hospital. the doctor was telling us that grandpa's not gonna make it, its just a matter of these couple of days. ITS EXACTLY WAD THE OTHER DOCTOR SAID ABOUT MY OTHER GRANDPA. is that all they can tell us? is there any thing else that they can do about?
grandpa was there lying frail, breathing very hard. officially declared brain dead. you know how much it hurts me to see him in such a state? he's someone that i've always been looking up upon. an emotionally strong man, stern yet possessed the kindest soul you'll ever find.
i regret for the times that i've not been there for you grandpa. but you know you meant so much more to me. i'm sorry that i took something else before myself for awhile. as much as i wish that you can stay, i dun wan you suffering like that.
i couldnt have taken it any easier, its been only less den 3 months since i lost someone dear. i dun wanna go through this shit all over again.
i love you loads grandpa. get well soon.
p.s. thanks for calling... thanks for being here for me, i needed that desperately. you've always been the sweetest being. thank you.
seb at 12:37 AM
double bliss!
first of all... SUGAR DROPPED HER SECOND TOOTH! this time she was bleeding badly. i was frantic for awhile till my sister exclaimed, "TOOTH! TOOTH! ITS HER TOOTH!". we dived before sugar starts chewing on it. here's a picture of it.....
as for the second good news that i've to share.... I'VE GOT MYSELF A NEW BABY! ok... not exactly new... BUT NEW!!!! HAHAA..... extraordinary. now i've to start loving grass. this new babe is totally awesome! ok seriously, i finally get to stick to a decision. this cam owns. hope it doesnt break down on me though. i'll master this piece of equipment in no time.
isnt she simply gorgeous?
was msning with this lil girl, so silly of her... miss me until she got really upset. hahahaha. sneak another screen shot of her...
so cute.
doing archery tml... damn tired now... going to bed... sweet dreams...
seb at 10:41 PM
that universal controller.
i think i need to find myself a new camera soon... i've been thinking about it the whole day. i'm feeling crippled without it. even when i know that i'm not using it now. suddenly the lack of security, like how i need to know that someone's there for me readily whenever i need her. god, that feeling suck.caught click today. it was a damn fantastic movie la. thumbssss up for it. makes me realised how much i've been missing out on my own life too. i was especially affected by the part where adam sandler was at the graveyard, weeping away. suddenly my life was running through my mind, like wad will happen years down the road. i felt old, and that i'll lose everyone slowly, and i'll die eventually. its kind of scary. and after all those shit, i wish i can wake up like him, as if it was all a dream. nothing bad ever really happened. sigh.
"will u still love me in the morning?"
"forever and ever, babe."
here's one before i left home today. no wonder i couldnt find her.
sleep until so ugly.
seb at 11:40 PM
my precious... gone.
my beloved d70 left me this afternoon. i had no choice, you just have to go. i've outgrown the power you've given me, we're no longer suitable for each other. but trust me that i love you still. the moments we used to capture together, were priceless. now that you're in someone else's possesion, i've to move on.just when i was trying to convince myself that i can find a better piece of equipment someday, the msg tone interrupted. it was you. you asked if i would like to share your joy in that wonderland of yours. why wouldnt i? i would love to! but you know i've been trying hard to move on. if i'm not the one for you still, its best that we will never meet again. for each time i see your pretty face, i felt as if there's someone slitting my throat, gouging my eye balls, stabbing my heart. in fact, the pain was even more than that. i cant describe. i've yet to move on.
even the 2 nicest people in the world might not be right for each other. wads more is there to say about us.
lets hope all of us, clara, huiyin, tiff, yiru and many others out there, could meet someone right, real soon, like maybe tml, or even tonight!
a sugar a day, brings the boredom away.
seb at 8:16 PM
this is saddening.
yet i've to emphasize again, life's short. i came to know about the departure of a good fren's dad. he lived a good life i must say. the entire family's filled with life and with love, my friend and his siblings grew up to become great individuals. with my deepest condolences, be strong my friend, even if you're not gonna see this, you know that i'll be around if you ever need me.a minute of silence.
grandpa's not doing well either. he's becoming like my other grandpa. no longer aware of what's going on around him. unconcious. god knows how hard it is for me to face all these. its like one after another. i've lost her, my dad's dad, now all i wish for is grandpa to get well soon. dun give up on me. please.
even the saddest truth about a friend of mine who ORDed today, a diploma grad, got himself a job as a dish washer. yes, a dish washer. why on earth do we need to even study den? i'm beginning to question the flow of life where god created us for. to lead a purpose he've intended. like we can have cleaner utensils to dine with if its washed by a diploma holder?
the fact that we slog for those senseless papers is because we all hope to be better off. to at least be where we deserve to be. to see our effort pay off. we work hard so that we can afford to get stuff that we yearn for, and not let taxes have a piece of ur sow. is it life or is it just this country? i'm getting tired of all these nonsense.
was exchanging a few smses with huiyin this afternoon, and i realised that i'm really dying for a love to me mine. ONLY mine. wouldnt it be nice if we can all share the same apartment with our destined partners, where we can decorate the interior together. to wake up every morning having someone u love right beside you. we cook together, eat together. have our very kids to share our weekends with. i wan that dreamy family of mine to come true.
but all these now seems to me like it'll never come true. being in a situation i'm in now, even my best bud disappointed me. when all i need is just someone to give me a pat on my back, to tell me carry on fighting, assuring me that everything will pay off. i wish i can find that courage to break down for awhile, but i cant seem to find my tears. i'm really tired you see. have been pretty stressful lately.
to share a quote from vincent's blog:
i chose to love you in silence, for in silence, i find no rejection. i chose to love you in your loneliness, for in your loneliness, noone owns you but me.
that dream girl of mine, do you even hear me at all? wad's taking you so long to come to me?
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anyway, i've giving up my most trusted Nikon d70 to fund my upgrade.
if anyone of you have friends who's interested in getting a good yet cheap set of equipments, please give me a call at 90705161 for me to furnish you with further details. prank calls will be redirected to the police. thank you.
seb at 10:32 PM
i vent on cooking.
when i'm unhappy... i cook... when i'm happy... i cook too. i've always like to cook. just happen that i'm kind of sad today. you know why. but den again, she lost a great chef i must say. haha.here's my latest invention, called the seb-sudon (originated from kat-sudon, improvised version that is). my lunch.
1. ingredients: eggs, minced meat, cong, crab meat, abit of sliced prawns to mix with the meat, light sauce, pepper.
2. mix the mince meat, cong, light sauce, pepper and crab meat together first.
3. den pour the eggs unbeaten over them. when the egg white starts to turn white, burst the yolk.
4. mix rice in shortly. make sure that the eggs are still not cooked. add abit more light sauce over the rice.
5. there you are... the final product. seb-sudon.
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i've decided to cook dinner too. mum was exceptionally happy (she gets to rest).
here's my omelet fried rice.
1. ingredients: crab meat, prawns, char siew, garlic, eggs
2. damn lazy to take photos for the process. bascially we cook the omelet first... put it aside... den fry the rice... put the fried rice on a plate when its ready to be served, and place the omelet over it with some chilli sauce. this is wad you should be getting.
3. to show you wads beneath the omelet.
4. a close up.
sometimes... i wish that you could be here to try my dishes. i've improved, alot more. but den again, you chose someone uglier over me. your lost. i'll not only work harder for my career, i'll also be the best boyfriend, husband and father to my next partner.
seb at 7:21 PM
no more of her. pls.
i do feel the pain afterall. even for the least bit of details on how you're doing now. when i thought everything was fine for me already. i'm glad that i did not turn up for that party yesterday. but still, glad to know that you're doing well, without me. proves my incompetence.i have been trying very hard to break off all contacts with her, and i really wish i would never hear anything about you again. so guys... please... i knew enough of whats there for me to know. she's a different her from that first day i set my eyes on her. she's no longer mine now. someone else's. therefore i wish to hear no more of her.
i wan to move on.
to add on... just saw keith's msn nick... and i find it a must share...
dun cry because its over. smile because it happened. sometimes looking at things in a different light hold back those tears.
i'm glad that it happened. because if its not for you, i wun even have those many unforgetable moments to even smile at. if its not because of you, i would still be the same old childish seb who didnt know what love was, didnt know how to love. if its not because of you, i wun even know what women really wans. and if its not because of you, i wun be wad i am today.
seb at 12:57 PM
lord, i pray.
grandpa was admitted to SGH early yesterday. went down to visit him this afternoon. knowing that he hardly even have the strength to open his own eyes really starts making me worry. he cant move, cant talk, cant eat. we dun even know if he's still conscious. i dun wan any more wrongs for now. its too much to handle all at once.i had a hair cut (a sucky one). hoping that things would get better.
just when i tot things are getting better...
i really need a shoulder to rest on... where're you... the one?
seb at 12:24 AM
something special.
friday is as usual, hectic. i hate to rush as if i'm mad or something. i'll normally end up with some kind of stinky mood. but today's different. someone made a difference. even if it was just a short simple doesnt-mean-anything kind of conversation. i stumbled with my words. hahaha. i always do anyway.i know its not possible anyway. you're too perfect. too perfect for an imperfect person like me. besides, ur heart's still occupied i think. i'll b around, thats if u'll ever realised that i've been readily waiting to help.
i wished i had the courage to let you know how i feel... so i can do more den just staring into the screen everyday. but den again... out of reach la... out of reach.
sweet dreams.
seb at 12:27 AM
lazy me.
definitely not because i'm out of love... but i noticed that i've been becoming lazier after sometime. i'm starting to not do my tutorials. starting to not even want to go to school (i've yet to skip a lesson yet, contemplating still) !was talking to clara earlier on msn. we were webcaming... or rather... i dun have a webcam. its good to see someone you know behind the screen isnt it? wads more to say if its a sweet bubbly girl like her. i think i'm pretty funny, clara was laughing at her screen half of the time. i manage to get a screenshot of her (though she's not laughing in this)... here it is...
isnt she cute? haha
anyway... here're the bands that i was shooting for yesterday.
inked out.
denvil.
last but not least.... ben's band (notice the rhyme again... haha) ... flybar.
in my honest opinion... i think they're all very talented la... singing technique wise i really know nuts about it, but for the overall feel that i get, they played well. especially ben's band la, since its the second time that i've been seeing them play, they've improved quite abit since the last time.
lets hope that there're more of this kind of lobang for me to shoot in future. haha.
seb at 10:11 PM
woah...
i'm extremely tired by now... went to do a photoshoot for a gig earlier on. ben's band was playing. hurrmm... ben's band... rhymes. but anyway, it turned out pretty well la. just finished editing two thirds of the pics i took today... will finish up the rest tomorrow when i'm home.till den... sweet dreams everyone.
seb at 1:43 AM
superfox
that book i'm reading does make quite abit of sense. so there're actually so many people around the world going thru the same shit as i'm going through now. and its pretty normal for me to feel like shit for awhile.weixiang was telling me that the serotonin level for people who've fallen out of love is 40% lower den a normal person, same as those who has compulsive disorder. maybe this explains why we're all obsessed with the sad things when we just broke up, and still constantly looking for more sad stuff to be sad about all the time. if u get what i'm trying to say that is. haha.
i'm feeling alot better these few days actually. i'm better off without you? let someone else be your clown den. =)
dear dream girl,
you dun even know that i've been admiring you these while do you? haha... maybe you really don't. but thats not the point la... you're nice and sweet... at least i think you are. and i guess its perfectly normal for any other guys including me to feel a thing or two for you. though i shall keep my distance. cos you dun even know that its you! haha. i shall save the purest of me for you. a love that never meant to start, therefore never made to end. sweet dreams to ya.
seb at 10:53 PM
cookies.
first thing first.... i'm DAMN irritated with this blogger's image uploading thingy... its ALWAYS not working.... i've been spending the past 3 hours trying to get those pictures uploaded.... and now i m here... STILL TRYING... CHEESE PIE. but den again... its free la... suck thumb lor.today... i tried taking a step out of baking cakes. decided to try baking cookies instead.
step 1: mix all the shit that u've prepared.
step 2: use a teaspoon to get the dough onto the tray.
step 3: now its ready for the oven.
step 4: and after baking if you realised that its too much butter... prepare urself for step 5.
step 5: try again... ready to be baked. this time... i added more baking powder.
step 6: if u think that your cookies still taste like shit... we shld just dump them into the bin.
and thank god i finally got them all uploaded... its been hours....
huiyin said she will bake me some cookies by this week... i hope its gonna taste better den those i've baked. hahah.
the kind of girl that i'm looking for should be sweet, gentle (at least to me), understanding, mature in her thinking. she needs to be good with her time management and intelligent enough to give me more constructive advises as we proceed on with our daily life. i need someone whom i can pamper, and pampers me in her own ways. i need someone with a kind heart who loves all animals, which includes my dearest sugar. i need someone who can readily be nice to everyone in my family. den she's the one whom in return, deserves my love. i'm not too sure if i'll ever have a chance to be with someone like that... but i'm sure she's just around me. i'm not thinking of what ifs now, because there's someone i know whom i think is like this. and so... she exist.
seb at 12:08 AM
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