这决定
想了好久，好苦。决定放弃这份没有结果的恋情。
也许也是我一厢情愿，但心里真的好痛。
有一天希望你能明白一切。
爱的河流，就离你那么近。
还是做以前的我，可能会比较好过一些。
至少没有任何无奈的牵挂。
seb at 3:24 PM
missing sound
you're the missing sound... from my life.and i'm missing part of me.
now i wish i'm deaf.
有些时候我真的想过逃走。
抛弃这些回忆，放下所有的你。
迷失方向的我们，努力寻找着勇气，就为了等待一个自己的决定。
seb at 9:31 AM
untitled.
yet again i'm sitting here infront of the screen... all alone by myself... wondering what should i do next. when i thought that everything else was dark enough... it just got darker. seems like i've been bumping around without a clue... hoping that someone out there might just shine me a beam of light and lead me out of all this blackhole. its been a period of controversy with very much down time. what would you have done if the life you're in is giving you too many options? especially when its all a heart game. how much would it matters to you knowing that the person you like/love isnt exactly feeling the same way about you? one thing's for sure that i'm not feeling good at all.i've been commanding so much attention over the past 1 yr or so. i appreciate all my friends around me who lifted me when i was down. and i also do cherish for those who've loved me. every single relationship i swear is a lesson to me. very valuable lessons. i really hate having to make decisions like these all the time. especially when i know it hurts. i would have easily rated emotional setbacks as the number 1 killer over cancer. it just keeps your mind spinning without even knowing why. whats more to say that i really didnt want to leave. this i dont really have a choice.
all that i've with me at this hour of the night is sugar and the good ol jack daniels which i know will never fail me. why wouldnt i be happy, if madness had laughter. why do i wish for the sun, when the moon is just so captivating. its gonna be a quick-long night for me i'm sure.
cheers to the broken hearts, and my joy to sorrow. tomorrow will be a brand new day.
seb at 9:30 PM
心动心痛
在好的借口也应藏不了最终的事实。那种悲伤就像千万把刀在往心上插，生不如死。有一种说不出的思念在我脑海里徘徊。我真的累了。真的好累。最简单由单纯的爱情，竟是如此伤人，复杂。这牵肠挂肚的感觉，好难受。
也许我早该放弃。试着离你而去。
seb at 2:05 PM
爱的交易
check this out... http://www.tokidoki.com.tw/here's a quote from it that kept me thinking.
"我没有办法给你承诺，所以不想你为了一个不确定的未来，而错过生命中的许许多多。"
hmmm
到底真，又有多真？
爱，又能带我多深。
视线已经变得模糊。
感情也许真能令人如痴如醉。
疲惫的心灵，真的不想再挣扎。
我们偶然相遇。
证明了我们之间的缘分。
甩不掉的梦想，只令我越陷越深。
让我像一个迷了路的小孩，
在你怀里入睡。
seb at 10:26 AM
car wash
just came home not long ago after washing my car. it is damn tiring to wash your car alone la. anyway.... nothing much to say about for now... too tired anyway.here're some pics of it lor... anyhow take one la... so dun expect too much from it. hah
when i just arrived at the car wash bay.
sparkling clean. haha wanna know why the car all look like different color? cos my handphone cam suck lor.
i miss you.
seb at 7:11 PM
装傻
不想知道的问题，我会选择听不到，也看不见。不能避免的事实，我会倘然面对。
只希望在我的能力范围之内，给你留下至少这一时的美好。
因为，只有回忆，才会是永恒的。
也就是因为如此，我才能一辈子地在你心里逗留。
if it could always be that simple.
dont ask me why have i been babbling so much of chinese lately... i'm suddenly feeling damn poetic la. dont try to stop me. you cant anyway. hahah
=)
seb at 2:20 PM
心理游戏
just got home not too long ago... finally got the neck rest i wanted for my car. Manchester United is always the way to go! too bad they ran out of stock for the belt cover. but as always... good things are always out fast... better grab them as soon as its available. so i guess i just have to wait patiently for the arrival of the next batch of stock. hahsometimes i wonder what on earth am i here for. forever being at this cross road which i hated most. its almost like a crossroad i have to pass everyday on my way home. the familiar tune on my old record player led me to a train of thoughts as usual. more or less like the unchain melody.
想对你付出的一切从没想要得到回报。
日夜的思念，是我爱你最好的证据。
你那甜美的声音，和在我记忆深处那美丽的面孔，真让人陶醉。
即使得不到你的天长地久，至少这也算是我们之间的曾经拥有。
在你还没发觉我的存在时，也就是我们那最好的距离。
你明白吗，我就是你的守护天使。
seb at 11:43 PM
思念
每当你在我脑海里出现时，心里总是觉得酸酸的。不知怎能解释，也不知从何开始。
肉体上的距离，到底还是不比心灵上的差距来的远。
思念真是件残酷的心情。
心里填满一万份想见你的理由，却又不知如何发泄。
好想把你紧紧抓着不放，拥抱在怀里。
守护着你。
不善于表达的我，只求你能明白我对你那份独一无二的感觉。
但愿我们之间这普通朋友的关系，会永远是我能呵护你的借口。
seb at 11:14 PM
心情
此刻的感触是我所给自己再一次的考验。时间也只不过是另一种用来衡量岁月的工具。人的一生没多少机会再从头来过。如果这是我和你之间最好的距离，我会这样的陪伴着你左右，一直走到生命的终点。
只求你能天天陪我说上一句话，我也就很幸福了。
seb at 12:26 AM
fatigue
i had a long train of thoughts last night. perhaps its no longer an issue whether i need to know what i want to do anymore... cos i know what i want to do. i'm facing pressure from all around me... especially my family. i didnt speak a word to anyone at home yesterday. i left my bag on the table and headed straight for east coast. i would always star gaze when i'm not feeling any good. but this time... i just blank out infront of the sea.like an eagle who was too eager to fly... fell off the cliff from its nest. exactly how i would describe myself. always wanted the fastest best way i can ever find... and yet i didnt expect to face such failure eventually. yet another obstacle i've to face... and i'm disappointed with myself.
life is all about choices isnt it? the food u eat, the job you take, the friends you know, the girl you choose to love. i used to know exactly what i m doing and why is that so. like i've said, i used to. things are no longer as obvious anymore. i've been through too much... too soon.
i woke up this morning... feeling such hangover from yesterday's aftermath. i'm really tired.
seb at 9:09 AM
lost.
i woke up this morning... with a heart so heavy. shouldnt i suppose to feel better after a good long sleep? i dunno. haven felt this way for a long long time. status quo for some time actually... in all aspects of life. just when i thought that i had everything i need in life... i realised that everything might not be everything afterall.the pressure on me is intensive. i could always feel it breathing down my neck. to decide if i should really give up my studies with UOL now is really a huge turnover at this point in life. you know... more or less like you're moving out. people around you will always try to persuade you to hang in there... but i just dun see the point of hanging in there... wasting more money den i would have already wasted... when i know it i cant cope. i've yet to decide still though. lots of thoughts are running wild. i was never this lost before.
i could have always handle stress well anytime. i've always been a very jovial guy haven i? but this time... i could feel the arrows all around me. i'm facing this alone. and i'm doubting myself for my abilities to bring myself through now. there are times when there would be a spark of thought... the urge to give u a ring... or to text you. i wanted to tell you so much... or at least to spill it all out. anything from you would have made me feel better. really. yet so many reasons are holding me back... some were even so obvious. but i guess to hear/text/msn you in such wierd intervals, is more den i can ever ask for.
terrible. feeling so terrible. why is this so... why?
seb at 9:20 AM
feelings.
i guess i'm quitting school. UOL at least i think. was thinking of picking another deg with more exemptions... hopefully an easier deg. like some of those aussie degs which my frens are taking... and some would have called those the "mickey mouse" or user-friendly kind of degree. i just wanna get over with it... that darn piece of paper.i spent the entire afternoon looking for those head rest pillow for my car... i've been searching around the entire jurong, bedok, clementi and bugis... can u believe it... none of the above mentioned places have the kind of head rest i want lor. i dunno if its just me or wad... whenever i wanna find anything... it always seems to b not available. and only when i dun need it anymore... you'll start seeing it everywhere you go. life's a bitch isnt it? a big fat bitch.
prolly a good analogy we can bring out too for love. the right one was never the right one when you've been searching high and low. and when you least expect urself to be in love, someone right might have just missed you.
somehow... i think i'm having some kind of mix feelings right now. i dunno why am i feeling this way... i dunno why should i. but u've been on my mind. i'm not very good with expressing myself most of the time when it comes to relationship matters... doesnt mean that i will anyway. but this time... i really feel like seeing you. i really do.
if only u can read my mind.
maybe i'll forget about all these first thing in the morning. maybe.
seb at 11:00 PM
happy?
sorry peeps for not being able to update for the past few days... i've been extremely packed with my very silly schedule. imagine... school... work... socialising... ah... sometimes i really wish that all i will ever have to do is to sleep all my life away.
anyway... firstly.. yes i've gotten my car... and i really had a very bad experience with that bastard. ok... and i really meant bastard.... F**ker. argh... he is the most irresponsible SE i've ever heard of. didnt even bother to call me when he already had my car ready. i call him he missed my calls... i msg him... he didnt reply. until when the cows are all back home den he finally decided to drop me a call. and before i started scolding him real bad... he told me that my car is ready for collection. when i was there to collect... i asked if i can find him if there is any problems i happen to face for the next couple of days. he simply snapped me off with... "No! go straight to toa payoh subaru's workshop urself". bloody asshole. PEOPLE... AVOID BUYING FROM HUAYANG AT ALL COST.
ok... friday after work i met up with benjamin, gao, violet and wendy for ktv... got home at abt 11.45... called my sis down wanting to let her familiarise with the car... and i tell you... its prolly one of the worst rides i've ever had... i dunno if its just her or ALL female drivers la. haha
woke up damn early for school today... dropped by HDB to get my season parking first... met up with my cousins after school, picked up my sis... and we all headed down to lim chu kang for sun set... but too bad it was raining la... me and zhongliang taught my cousin, cousin in law, vynn and my sis on the basics of their cameras. after that we headed to upper thompson for jap food.... den altivo for a drink. damn happening la... (besides the fact that i got a 6/100 for my econs mock paper). i'm so damn tired now... dunno if i should even feel contented. meeting up with tiffany to wash our cars together tomorrow evening.
now picture time.
hiya... just shooting this for fun... look at the look on vynn's face. haha... she's such a cranky beauty. =P
my cousin in law, hanpin. also another joker. haha
hanpin playing with zhongliang's camera.
all knock out at altivo.
lastly... my new wife. damn heart pain ah today... keep driving over rocks. den that stupid zhongliang keep bringing me to those sandy muddy roads... argh.. haha... going to get my car washed tomorrow after school. that time never check properly also... my spoiler got one small little paint chipped off. =(
seb at 1:59 AM
boring.
it suck to know that i've a fucked up agent. he told me that he had scheduled the car to arrival on 11th april... supposedly to be tomorrow la... never give me a call or anything until i have to call him up myself yesterday. den he told me that he have forcast the delievery to be on the 11th... but might have to wait for another 2 to 3 days due to dunno wad delay la... i'm damn annoyed by it lor.
anyway... i realised i've been rather self obsessed lately... haha... 2 more pics of myself today.
in toilet again lor... cos u know why... seb's a damn shy guy la... outside so many people around... too shy to take photos... have to sneak into the toilet when noone's ard to take photo lor... so yea... haha
ok la... me at my desk la... also faster see noone around den i take one lor... just to show u people that i dont take photos in the toilet only... hahatill den... adios
i was actually thinking of jogging earlier on... but after it started to rain... i think i've just found an excuse to not go anywhere else but to stay in my comfortable lil red room. haha.
seb at 7:19 PM
mood swing
its been a long day at work... as usual i'm feeling extremely jaded...
on the train home earlier... i was practically staring into blanks. so much thoughts were all running wild in my mind. my soul felt heavier den the usual. i didnt feel like talking at all. den i begin to wonder why are things around me happening just the way they are. i asked myself if this is really the kind of life that i would enjoy. i used to think it is... not saying i'm certain enough to label a no to it now... but i really dun know.
i m not exactly feeling unhappy... neither am i happy. its like me going about in circles... sometimes i thought i knew where i was going... yet always coming back to where i was the day before today. i'm crestfallen. the seb where everyone see to be... a man who knew every reason behind his actions... is actually just another pathetic lil boy who's lost somewhere out there. not just my love life is stagnant... my career path is seemingly bleak too.
time's catching up... i wish i knew who i am and what i'm meant for.
just look at how fast time changed me. losing the youth in me faster den i thought it would be. i wish i was like before. sigh.
seb at 8:43 PM
bah
counting down count down... i am getting all perked up before the arrival of my car... i've been thinking of so many possible mods i can do to my car... but it all cost money!!! can someone pls be nice enough to donate me some cash so that i can doll up my wife? hahaanother 2 more weekends to burn in school before the real thing starts... i guess i really need someone to force me to study la... my engine still isnt warm up yet. went for a hair cut after lesson today. just to keep myself awake for the upcoming exam preparation.
rainy days always seem to make one feels more lonely isnt it? =)
and for those who's interested in sugar's development... here're some of the pics i've just taken.
and more...
i love her so much!
seb at 8:23 PM
no life no life no life no life...
this weekend shall be another weekend wasted. i've been basically spending last weekend... this... and the next... and the one after next in school... for revision lessons... which simply means that exams are really drawing damn freaking near... YET i'm still not freaking out at all? something must be damn wrong... we all know... but right now all that i can feel is wrong is that i have no life at all!!! every other day is all just about school work work and school. nothing juicy abt anything.good friday wasnt exactly good too.. went up to beizhen's place for mahjong... lost some peanuts there too.... haha.
am looking forward to the arrival of my wife to be soon the next week hopefully. i've been planning on the stuff that i could and might add on to the car. but all these cost a bomb la... hopefully lets just say that i can strike some toto soon... i might even cross this car to my sister's account... and i would have just get myself a rex for all i care... hahaha
also i've been preaching to some needy souls about my personal experience on my past relationship. the last one that is. trying to inspire them hoping that they can see some light like wad i've seen not too long ago. life's pretty much better in general for me now compared to the past... but of cos... being single... there are moments every now and den where you would wish u just have someone here for you... a sweet lil simple hug can do so much.
well.... i guess thats life... move on dude... tomorrow's gonna be a much better day (prolly not during this period of time la... cos tml's school day too).
bah
seb at 6:58 PM
bah.
you know wad? i seriously am beginning to hate coming out with post titles each time before i blog. sometimes i just want to say wad i want to say... nothing in particular... but since the education here in singapore all these while have been emphazing on a title each time before you start writing something... its been instilled in me since young... and i feel damn uncomfortable without one. hence... bah.had the pontian wantan mee at heerens earlier with a colleague of mine. we were walking towards heeren when she suddenly called out for me...
her: eh seb... i show you a sms... i bet its gonna make ur appetite better shortly.
me: ???
(reading the sms which says... "handsome guy")
me: what abt it ah?
her: my friend saw you with me before we crossed the road... and she said you're handsome.
me: wah... dun like that leh... i shy le la... ask her over i treat her coffee.
(we laughed... hhaha)
ok la... it did make my day somehow la... but that doesnt make any difference to anything besides just having that short laugh we had.
i took some time off earlier before lunch thinking back at the changes i had in my life these far. realised that its been quite a journey for me. surprisingly how much i've changed over time. sometimes i wonder if this have been really wad i've always wanted. i cant quite tell still though. its very true that men do get more attractive as they age... especially when their career starts to bloom... and i only have my career to work on for now. lets just say that i hope that i'll become more attractive over time la... HAHAHA
feeling damn sleepy now... yawns.
seb at 2:24 PM
lucky poo.
my parents depicted sugar's divinci code and end up striking 4d today... haha... sugar was shitting all over my house this afternoon and each pile of poo she left looks like a number. my parents took their chance on the numbers and thats how they won... sugar had a very filling dinner today. hahanothing much besides this i think... my life's sooooooo boring. haha. i mean.... wad else can u expect from a guy who's single yet so busy right? especially when you body clock's ticking away faster den you would want it to go.
sweet dreams !
seb at 8:49 PM
bah
"nobody owes you anything."this just came to my mind every once in awhile. well you can say that i'm treating this very much as an alarm for every other sickening day of my life. and YES OF COS... noone owes me anything... and if i want something... i WILL get it myself. people these days are so fucking stuck up i must say, that they think money just fall from sky, bloom with the flowers or mailed to you in that god forsaken letter box of your home. WAKE UP KIDS! BARNEY'S OVER!
jesus... those morons just wun learn. whine and whine and whine about things that they want from their bf this and that... dont they ever realise that they should be glad that they're still at a non-zero value? oh my... i could have easily splurged on any other girls la... but definitely not on girls like that? silly boyfriends. haha (note: i was one of those fools before).
seb was prolly a nice
i know exactly the kind of girl i wan in mind. and only she deserves my kind of love.
and as for now... career comes first. =)
seb at 10:12 PM
DIET DIET DIET !!!
i die die must go on diet this time... keep eating eating and eating everyday.... all the chocs... having a portion as big as what 2 people can eat every meal. not because i scared i not healthy... that i cant be bothered.... i just dun wanna look ugly!!!
just came back from a jog... trying to make it a point to run at least twice a week for now la... my schedule is damn pack. no time for extra stuff... and from today onwards... until i'm satisfied with my weight loss program... i shall have only 1 meal a day... and thats lunch.
DISCIPLINE!
dying a ugly man is so much worse den dying unhealthy.
anyway... was surfing through gary's friendster and i saw this pic we took a couple of months back at changing appetite. here's it
the 4 musketeers... haha... i look at gong ah... hahahha... who cares.seb at 8:58 PM
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