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Friday, August 18, 2006
do you believe in life after life? like do we really go to heaven or hell after death? i was just wondering earlier on during the ritual, seeing grandpa in that beautifully furnished brown coffin, oblivious of everything around him. 3days passed just like that, and we're in the 4th now. everything seems so sudden, like how i was talking to him a week ago, and now, he's gone. i stood there without a word, having flashbacks from the times when i was still a kid, till recently. i'm gonna miss the old stern deep voice of grandpa. tears inevitably welled till the brim of my eyes.
she came down earlier on. her mr know-it-all-plus-the-nicest-fucker-in-the-whole-wide-world drove her down. its been awhile since i last saw her. nothing really changed, except for her new permed hair style. we chatted like usual, laughed like usual, everything was as usual, just that we're no longer related in every sense of that word. she belongs to someone else. i shook her hand before she left, it felt strange, as if i didnt recognise that hand at all.
sometimes, my heart could tear as badly as anyone else, or even worse. but i've always tried covering them up for the sake of everyone else around me. seb's cheerful, seb's jumpy, seb's anything goes. well sometimes true, but you see, i've been covering so much stuff these days that now i'm pretty confused myself. good thing to know, sugar's with me.
seb at 12:50 AM
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