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Monday, April 16, 2007
i woke up this morning... with a heart so heavy. shouldnt i suppose to feel better after a good long sleep? i dunno. haven felt this way for a long long time. status quo for some time actually... in all aspects of life. just when i thought that i had everything i need in life... i realised that everything might not be everything afterall.
the pressure on me is intensive. i could always feel it breathing down my neck. to decide if i should really give up my studies with UOL now is really a huge turnover at this point in life. you know... more or less like you're moving out. people around you will always try to persuade you to hang in there... but i just dun see the point of hanging in there... wasting more money den i would have already wasted... when i know it i cant cope. i've yet to decide still though. lots of thoughts are running wild. i was never this lost before.
i could have always handle stress well anytime. i've always been a very jovial guy haven i? but this time... i could feel the arrows all around me. i'm facing this alone. and i'm doubting myself for my abilities to bring myself through now. there are times when there would be a spark of thought... the urge to give u a ring... or to text you. i wanted to tell you so much... or at least to spill it all out. anything from you would have made me feel better. really. yet so many reasons are holding me back... some were even so obvious. but i guess to hear/text/msn you in such wierd intervals, is more den i can ever ask for.
terrible. feeling so terrible. why is this so... why?
seb at 9:20 AM
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