sebtography.

i have moved

2007-11-15T16:42:00.000+08:00

for friends who are still interested and visits this ground ocassionally when you are bored in the office or at home, let me know... i have decided to start a new home for my many unsounded thoughts.

a blog where i can really feel comfortable expressing my inner most secrets.

Date Profiling test.

2007-09-26T10:41:00.000+08:00

Date Profiling Result
Your profile is of type "ESTJ".
Please remember your colour code is Emerald Green.

ESTJ Relationships

ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Their priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends third. They put forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their obligations and duties, according to their priorities. They are dedicated and committed to their relationships, which they consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to be in charge, and may be very controlling of their mates and children. They have high esteem for traditions and institutions, and expect that their mates and children will support these as well. They have little patience and need for dealing with people who see things very differently from the ESTJ.

ESTJ Strengths

Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for their families
Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the house
Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Interested in resolving conflict, rather than ignoring it
Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
Able to move on after a relationship breaks up
Able to administer discipline when necessary

ESTJ Weaknesses

Tendency to believe that they are always right
Tendency to need to always be in charge
Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories

ESTJ as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

When an ESTJ says "I do", you can bet that they will put forth a tremendous amount of effort and energy into fulfilling their commitment to the relationship. They seek stability and security in their lives, and once they have made a commitment, it is lifelong and unalterable. They bring with them into the relationship a strong and dependable nature, which is oriented in traditions and security. They are highly energetic people, who never seem to lose their energy when performing duties and fulfilling obligations.

ESTJs usually feel very strongly that they are right and that if everyone else would listen carefully to what the ESTJ has to say, then they would understand the way things really are, and the world would be a better place. Such a strong, confident self-image is an asset in many ways, but can also be a detriment in close interpersonal relationships, if the ESTJ's mate does not feel valued for their contributions as an individual. This is a potential pitfall for ESTJs, who should try to be aware of the fact that other people have things to offer, even if they do not exactly follow the ESTJ's way of thinking. If it's not possible to do this on a larger scale, the ESTJ should perhaps focus on this area with respect to their partner's contributions.

Sexually, the ESTJ is likely to be robust, enthusiastic, and athletic. They will tend to be traditional, and to expect sexual encounters on a relatively scheduled basis. They're likely to approach intimacy as a physical experience of closeness, rather than as an opportunity to express and receive expressions of love and affection. The ESTJ will probably have to work on remembering to express their feelings verbally, but their mate's appreciation will make it well worth it for those who do.

In many ways, ESTJs are Guardians and Protectors by nature. They enjoy shielding and protecting their families, and are usually quite good at it. Their partners will appreciate and enjoy the benefits of the ESTJ's efforts in this respect, but they may also resent the more controlling aspects of the ESTJ's personality, which goes along with their strong desire to shield their loved-ones. The ESTJ may consider it their duty to instruct their spouses how to behave or what attitude to take in certain situations, which may not be appreciated.

Conversely, the ESTJ freely gives approval and affirmation when they are happy or impressed with their mate's behavior. Whether positive or negative, the ESTJ's expression can be taken at face value, because these individuals are very honest and forthright about how the feel.

ESTJs enjoy spending time with others socializing, and are likely to strongly desire that their partners also take part in these social activities. They are especially interested in any event which is associated with the family, work, or any organization which the ESTJ is part of. Since they are social creatures, they're likely to bring an emphasis on socializing to the relationship - but only after all of their work is done.

ESTJs are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and they may even tend to be very unobservant in these respects. This can cause problems with mates who have a Feeling preference, who may feel hurt or neglected by the ESTJ. If these feelings are pointed out to the ESTJ as an important dynamic of the relationship, rather than harbored internally by the Feeler, the ESTJ is likely to attempt to be more aware of their mate's feelings and emotions.

The ESTJ gladly performs their duties in life, and wants to be appreciated for doing so. This is the greatest gift that their mates can give them - gratitude.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTJ's natural partner is the ISTP (colour code is Ruby Red), or the INTP (colour code is Pure White). ESTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best matched with someone whose dominant function is Introverted Thinking. The ESTJ/ISTP combination is deal because it also shared the Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESTJ/INTP combination is also quite good.

2007-09-06T11:33:00.000+08:00

i am really depressed. now the more i think that my future's bleak... and i fear whatever's coming to me even 5yrs down the road. it matters so much to me becos i think my life... my career will be at stake... like everything will be just so wrong.

everytime i look at myself into the mirror... the inner me is crying so hard. i never expect to see myself looking like that one day. especially now when every other thing isnt stable or not even solved... and yet i m put up to face new challenges.

i really dunno where else can i draw strength from... sometimes... i just feel like sleeping and never to wake up.

my heart aches for every other reason. its really not what most of you think it is. not that i wanna hide things... i just happen to not know how to express those complications.

God... i pray to you... i need a miracle... my Saviour....

2007-09-05T00:18:00.000+08:00

quite a couple of changes lately... was promoted with effect from yesterday... studies assignments with deadlines drawing very near... just had a extremely screwed up hair cut just now after work... and i really hate to say this... but i cant hide it anymore... i am balding.

sad right? i have been trying to hard to keep my pride these while... now after that screwed up hair cut... which made it so obvious... how the fuck am i suppose to go to work for the next 2 mths... i have completely lost every single bit of confidence left in me... i have always been very conscious abt my own appearance all these while... and those who know me shld know... this truth really dealt a very big blow to me.

i m still trying to cope... but meanwhile... i wonder how will the people ard me feel when they see me tml. i can already feel those eyes staring at my head.

suicidal.

why me? why must i be a baldie?

2007-08-27T17:09:00.001+08:00

there are alot of things i dunno what to say or how to say. in every aspect of everything in life... sometimes there are just things that are just unexplainable. only when you are truly in my shoe... prolly you will know whats going on. its many factors that caused me to make a decision like this... it started way before where you thought it came from... where it just made me another fool as it seems that is. that inner struggle i had... you wun know... you will never know.

you can hate me if it makes you better. or even if someday i might prolly end up 10times worse den before. i bear no grudges... and i never will... i still live on with grace. i too, really would wanna find some peace of my own someday.

sorry.

2007-08-27T09:19:00.000+08:00

been a very busy weekend... headed down to subaru on Saturday morning to get my super overdue second servicing... after that i went to Genconcept to do some decals... den i met up with mike in the afternoon for our last visit to the national stadium. the stadium will be pulled down in December and there marks whatever memories we used to have with that stadium. i really miss the times where me and my family were there for national day... and especially for the Tiger cup... but those we many many years ago. and also my national track and field meet... you can never imagine the kind of feelings that went through my mind at those moments... they were extraordinary.

went to pay my respect to my grandpa on sunday morning, den went to my church's service and after which i met up with weetiong to the fish farm to get the stuff for my fish tank at home. i am rearing cherry chrimps at home too... the lohan finally passed on after 3 long years. it was strong in a sense that it fought many illness... and now finally for a better place. back into God's kingdom.

i spent quite abit on the shrimps stuff at home... hopefully it will be rewarding.

so now's just some picture time... to share with you the last glimpse i have for national stadium... and of course my new car decal.

pretty sun screen decal
when vios meets subaru

self reflection.

2007-08-22T14:54:00.000+08:00

i guess we might have already experience many phases in life so far... well at least for me ... and i m quite sure that it aint all good. from time to time we do question ourselves about the rights and wrongs... about the choices we are about to make... even about what may come in future. we think about consequences of our actions and after every decisions we make. everyone faces such tests in life... just that some are more certain about their actions den the others.

i would often look back at what was given to me but later being taken away. i would ask why. He will always answer me in different ways, different forms. even at times where i am uncertain of many things ahead of me... i could even be so scared to take another step up... the only thing that is keeping me moving from now is the strength i draw from Him. the light amongst darkness. for i know that His love for me is pure.

Ps 121:8 - “The Lord will watch over your life no matter where you go, both now and forever.”

i would wanna think about having carefree days of my life, to find meaning in all that i do. i can also understand how tiring it is to face setbacks after setback... and uncertainties are still very much right infront of your face. i know it well becos i have been through it... and is still going through such mist. i wish i can trust everyone like the way i confide in Him. in His kingdom, i seek peace within myself. if only everything here now can be as pure as where He lives. if only everyone doesnt seem to be only living behind their masks.

Isaiah 26:3 - “Lord, you will give perfect peace to anyone who commits himself to be faithful to you. That’s because he trusts in you.”

and probably the last thing that i'm gonna share from the sermon last sun is about relationship... and probably thats one of the most heart wrenching knots that people often face all the time. above all that i have mentioned earlier... i find it kind of hard to trust someone completely... though i really wish that i can. what i want is someone simple... who thinks inline with me... share the same faith... the same kind of dream. but somehow... sometimes it seems as if its there... yet at other times... it just feels so far away.

Proverbs 3:3-4 - “Don’t let love and truth ever leave you. Tie them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and a good name in the eyes of God and people.”

despite all the disappointment i have felt... the kind of pain and frustration that my heart would feel from time to time... i do not try to strike back. with a gracious heart i try to learn from Him, i shall try to forgive.

peter 3:8-9 - "Be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing."

and i pray that all these for those that i care around me. amen.

take care people.

2007-08-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

decided to skip lunch today... dun really feel like eating... i cant explain why am i feeling moody... but i didnt like this feeling. the torments are as if that my heart was stabbed furiously as a sign on frustration. it was so real. my mind's all messed up... like a incomplete symphony... or a broken orchestra.

look at what the past have caused me now. a lifetime worth of insecurities.

sometimes i just feel like giving up altogether.

updates

2007-08-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

hey peeps... actually there is nothing much about myself this far... and finally.. today's pay day. i'm dead broke for a damn long time... and yet soon i will be broke too shortly after pay day. too much commitments around... especially birthdays that are coming up. sometimes these birthdays just leave me breathless.

went shopping with gary earlier for his gifts to his dream girl la... honestly i wouldnt have spent so much so soon... but still... as long as he is happy la... thanks for the treat too! haha... will treat you when my cashflow is not so tied up ya! haha

anyway... here's a pic of claudia me and keith taken on saturday at oosh...
and yea... thats the latest one of me... ( think i m aging as the day passes... losing so much hair =( somemore pple say i look like 28 to 30. damn sad can... sigh )

take care folks

school's starting =(

2007-08-10T10:55:00.000+08:00

school's starting at the end of this month... which means that i will be busier on top of all the shit i have right now... projects... lessons... exams!!! argh... hopefully it will only be for the next 1 and a half years. i really cant wait to get out of school... and prolly even get out of this company... haha

anyway... happy national day to all... hopefully that the recent weeks are good for everyone... and to pray that better things are just soon to come...

gonna share with you a new addition to my tank... i added 2 more black CRS (diamonds) into the tank just to spice up the colors. cant wait for them to grow up and start mating... so i will have more shrimps! haha... no casualty so far... good news.

when the CRS meet the Diamond... with a baby snail in between... haha

in their respective lineup... from smallest to biggest... in alternate colors. haha

till den.. take care folks.

new change?

2007-08-06T16:28:00.001+08:00

some changes to my life lately... and i believe that they are all for the better.

first thing first, uni of south aus have accepted me and also exempted me from all the units that requires bridging! now i just have to wait to finish my loan application process and hoping that everything will go on just fine for me.

next up is about my promotion thingy right? my boss came up to me after a meeting earlier on telling me that they have recommended me for the promotion ans asked me if i am fine with it. i mean... who would mind being promoted right? haha... so now hopefully its gonna come true soon and i will have to discuss about my pay scheme with the HR people... and hopefully too... that i can get the desired pay i've been yearning for... (damn broke already la).. haha... carry on praying for me!

lastly... i've decided to rescape my tank... i thought that the white sand in the tank made everything look rather dull after awhile... went to buy a bag of black quatz yesterday after my run at bedok reservoir (its been a long time since i ran la... and now i've been running for 2 consecutive days!).... and here is how my tank looks after i'm done.
nice right? haha... and i tell you... the snails are reproducing damn fast lor... horny creatures... haha...

and i m really surprise that some of my friends are still reading this forsaken blog... thank you for dropping by still! take care people! miss u guys!

He heard me

2007-08-03T08:43:00.000+08:00

remember awhile ago i was talking about how tough it is for me now especially with all my financial burdens? i think He heard me... i was told that i am on the pending list for a grade promotion soon... and will prolly know the result in a month's time... wish me luck!

i know your presence is always felt around me... please get me through this and i really want that promotion badly... at least for now...

not a bad start today... meeting up with the rest of the guys at parkway after work for chuan fei's birthday. hope she brings kyan along! gonna have a meeting with my new VP soon... heard that she isnt an easy woman to work with. =/

anyway... take care folks!

update

2007-08-02T17:31:00.001+08:00

Hey hi, guess its been rather quiet here too ay? haha. everyone's busy i know... its just only recent that i happen to find more free time to do some personal stuff while i'm in the office.

i would say that there are quite alot of things happening around me... and also to myself. many things just came to me unexpectedly... some for the better... some have left unknown. nothing too bad so far, prolly it cant get any worse from where i started, but i guess He heard me somehow. and i would only pray that it will still advance from here... till when i find it comfortable enough to be displayed online... this should be it for now.

have i mentioned that i have set up a small aquarium in my office not too long ago rearing shrimps? just another method that i've adopted to keep my mind from straying. at least it could be my alternative from work huh? haha.

here're 2 pics of it... not very clear la... but at least u get the idea of it.

this is my basic set up of my tank... its a very small tank... and just in case u are wondering wad is those black spots at the bottom of the tank... they are snails... to clean up my tank.
here's a closer view of my CRS (the name of the shrimps)

anyway... thats all for now... take care peeps.

the lost and injured lamb

2007-07-26T10:35:00.000+08:00

i felt as if i'm already crippled. so much stress from everywhere... my work is in a mess. i can hardly breath. on the other hand is my studies. i've kind of decided on the course i wanted and have registered for it. its the money part that is killing the other side of me now.

how can i ever hang in there for so long... the heart's ever more heavy... much heavier den before. whats right seems so wrong. and whats wrong haven seem to be resolved. i need to find my way to my shepherd... where i know He would be able to keep me safe from danger. and only Him can correct the wrongs.

i wanna break down from everything at all

the test

2007-07-25T09:53:00.000+08:00

i face a test that maybe was necessary. a test that once again not leave me. it feels bad...

have to decide on the degree program soon. and most probably will be taking BA from University of South Australia. there's a stigma in me that probably was there after i left UOL. i fear that history will repeat. i'm really worried.

i need an answer... and to You i pray. tell me that i've made a right choice this time.

slacking

2007-07-24T15:29:00.000+08:00

hurmm... life seems to suddenly be slowing down for awhile... i'm usually rushing my head off at this hour...

was browsing through some of the other University courses on the web and i saw this course offered by Northumbria on International Business management. its a 12mths degree with 6modules to complete. direct honours... its so tempting for me to just do that program, now hopefully the person i've emailed will give me some positive feedback. argh... decision... decision... =(

life's pretty much moving on well for me as it seems. nothing more that i would wanna think about except for everything else to happen just the way it should be. a very simple one i'm having now i guess.

had dinner with my cousins last night to celebrate jamie's birthday. i initially made a reservation at oosh to dine in the gardens, but cynthia said that maybe we should try the jap restaurant this time instead. the jap restaurant looks rather authentic... and the ambience was truely jap... contemporary jap. however, the food was rather normal... prolly the better ones were the sashimi... which obviously cost us more den 200bucks for 5servings (about 4slice per serving). its freaking expensive. at least we know how's it now dont we? haha

its been awhile... and here's a picture of sugar

till den... take care peeps.

back?

2007-07-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

its lunch time now and finally i think that now's prolly the best time for me to sneak in a post or 2... really wanna patch up the missing entries for a month or so. it seems like there're alot that happened, so busy, so little time to even do anything, but yet it seems like there're nothing much to even tell you about.

work is extremely crazy because of the new launch of my project. silly request comes in almost all the time... work seems ever more like brain teasers. usually leaving me jaded even its just after lunch. i no longer am able to sit back and enjoy lousy jokes with my colleagues... or even to gossip a lil about people at work. though i would most likely the one to hit the headlines in the office chatzone. some knows why. argh... to think that work is busy enough, now i have to even deal with those small talks about me.

mum was admitted to tan tock seng a week ago for lung infection as well as food poisoning. only gotta discharged lately and am glad that she's much better already. during that week when mum was not around at home... i had to do the laundry, dishes and the floor. and seriously... be glad that you have a mum at home doing stuff like that... definitely not easy at all... trust me.

soon i will even have to think about my studies already. i am really not looking forward to it at all. but i know that no matter how hard i have to toil for my success oneday... He had it all planned for me. when my world is falling in... i know in You i'll be found. what will come... will come.

busy

2007-07-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

hurmm... well prolly i've really been too busy lately to update. but doesnt really make a difference isnt it? everyone's busy... or at least it seems quiet here. nevertheless... work lately is really very screwed. i'm so stressed up about all the load that's piling up on my desk. totally wearied every nite when i'm finally home. left me with no time to breath.

here's 2 more of me (i know i know... all my photos look the same right? becos all in the toilet wad... somemore all no smile no pattern.... but no choice... i'm that boring. haha)

to those who's still passing by... take care.

war against time.

2007-06-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

i've been extremely busy lately... work piled up higher den you think you can imagine. deadlines are as close as just beside you. late nights in the office, with projects on my mind before i go to sleep each night. had some kind of argument with my dad these couple of days... which really wears me out completely. i really dont feel like doing anything at all for now.

and i believe that most of us would have been fighting against time for a long time. but after every single saga, time is and will still be the winner emerged. time had won for centuries. even though technologies have been improving tremendously, constantly seeking for ways to outsmart this myth about age... little did they know... the prizes for either party who wins... is death.

not that i care alot about death. i just dont wanna die ugly. i dont wanna die looking old and haggard. wrinkled skin, broken teeth and botak! i cannot imagine myself one day to be as old as my grandpas (though they're no longer around). argh... the thought of it sends a shiver down my spine.

btw, i'm currently on a few types of supplements.

vitamin E, vitamin B 1 5 6 9 and 12, cod liver oil (which contains omega 3, DHA and vitamin A), centrum multi-vits, zinc, biotin (vitamin B 7)

still finding ways to not age so soon.

take care peeps

bah

2007-06-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

today's prolly the earliest day that i'm home from work. was at singapore expo for the annual communic asia exhibition with jason... i cant comment too much about the exhibits... but one thing's for sure is that the chics there over at the samsung booth are hot! haha. and before i even knew it, i'm home by 6pm.

nothing much lately except for being busy. deadlines are drawing sooooo close that its breathing down everybody's neck. the darn air condition in the office is always either too cold or too warm. its tough to not fall sick sometimes.

haven been posting pictures of myself lately i know... so here's one to update just in case everyone else forgotten how i even look like.

i look retarded... i know... but who cares. hah

here's my sweet rice ride before i left home from work. rise and shine.

thats all for now... dinner time.

marriage

2007-06-19T10:08:00.000+08:00

mum brought up to me the issue of marriage this morning before i left home for work. a relative of mine is getting married and his wife to be is already giving my auntie trouble. or should i say... they just cant get along well already. den my mum started coming out with alot of what ifs, so much that i just told her that i wun be marrying. i mean... if marriage is such a chore... why bother right? honestly... i dont care if i marry or not. it doesnt matter that much anymore... both my parents kept quiet la.

have you wonder why people get married despite knowing all that might happen? some say its because of trust. but as you get older... you will begin to wonder if its really trust or simply just cant be bothered. i can anytime let my gf go out with her friends the entire day without me even calling her up. does that mean that i trust her? might not be the case i'm sure. i just cant be bothered. i dont like to care so much for things that i cant control.

take people around me for example. people in their 30s... you cant possibly tell me that have not been through enough to learn lessons i'm sure. whether how well do they pick up those lessons is another thing altogether. both the couple each having their own affair out there... and they jolly well know about it... yet they can still maintain the marriage. i'm sure they are really very "trusting" isnt it?

so you see... marriage is not just about love. those who marry because of love when everything else about them seems to repel, will only end up miserable. which is what i do not want. the only problem with me now is that i've become so rational... that i've lost the simplicity that i've always wanted. its a win some lose some situation i guess.

till den... take care

injured finger

2007-06-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

just came back from father's day celebration at no signboard restuarant, the outlet at the oasis. not too bad la... just that i pricked my finger while eating crab. told that silly jane abt it... and look at what she had for me.

how nice hor... dunno whether purposely laugh at me or really wanna help me bandage... haha... but see she draw until so xin ku... so dun waste her effort lor... haha

sweet dreams.

rainy days

2007-06-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since i slept till this late... woke up at 4.30 today... totally exhausted. sitting back on the arm chair in my room... thinking of what have happened for the recent months. despite all the company i have had... there is still a tinge of emptiness in me. sometimes... i really hated myself for who i am today... other times... i would think that this is the best way to keep myself far away from storm. i'm neither happy... nor am i really hurt anymore.

i'm guilty. of everything. i've never wanted all these to happen. i just cant seem to sort things out no matter what. i felt so helpless most of the time. for once... i truly felt like crying. life definitely will never be like a bed of roses. especially for a someone like me. i dont think i deserve anyone at all. at least for now. there are so many things that i wish i could make it sound sweeter and better. there are things that i would like to do to make things right. yet on contrary... the second me hates all of these.

don't play tricks on me again.
Don't make me go insane, I can't take the pain.
i want to be that child of Yours in Your arms again.
take me away to that never land.
i praise You, in the name of love.

stumbled.

2007-06-15T09:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday i felt so down after a day's of work. i tot i would definitely need to calm myself down. to chill out. to take a breeze walk by the beach. to go blading. and end my day with a shot of jack daniels.

well, perhaps i was just tired. everything. physically. i didnt know what happened when i was blading. i just stumbled. it was a unexpected fall in a very awkward position. i fell flat down on the road with my whole body facing down. yes flat down. it felt so bad. i hurt my ribs and my ankle... with bruises on my elbow. it hurts. but not as much as the hiccups i faced at work and life lately. oh god. argh...

frustrated... i think i need a psychiatrist.

=(

2007-06-14T11:21:00.000+08:00

i the midst of such chaos... i lost myself.
why is it that when i dont even have time for myself... with so many pple around me... yet i'm still feeling so empty?
i just want to be simple. yet why it seems so difficult.

wad do i really want? =(((
i'm tired... my job suck

cheeeeeeeee gen pie.

2007-06-14T09:44:00.000+08:00

seriously... if you wanna know what busy giddy dizzy feels like... try my life style. day in day out i feel as if i'm floating... sometimes i think i know what i am doing... sometimes i dont. well but i guess not everything needs a reason to it. i mean... after all... its still not too late for me to feel this adventurous huh? hah

it takes time to find the right kind of person for you to spend the rest of your life with. rest of your life doesnt sound quite unimportant to you isnt it? there are all kinds of people around you all the time... some may be nice... some are purely out there to have fun. i've seen my fair share of them... which is why it makes everything so scary altogether. you know... its like putting your foot into a tub of water to test if it is hot. the kind of anticipation that you're about to feel the next moment is totally subjective. you cant be so sure about what will happen. so yea... moving along with the flow... should we not close all doors until we are so sure that he or she is exactly the right one for you. i guess this should be it.

and as i've said... i dont need to owe anyone any explanation... becos to those who know me well... do not need an explanation. they just know me.

i'll try not to blog too much about my love life in future... not that it is exciting anyway... i'm just concerned about any more misunderstandings. and i think i've shrunk a lil more lately... i felt intruded.

here's the pair of blades i've bought last week.

well... i'm only able to spare this lil time to do this entry... back to another day of action. take care people. know what is best for yourself... =)

women

2007-06-12T10:06:00.000+08:00

of cos as the title... women... they are the last being on earth that i believe anyone can ever understand... not underestimating how complicated men can be though. i would say... women are more mentally challenged. haha. complex perceptions about relationships that these women have are already a hit down the last blood vessel in my already burnt out brain... but one thing that truly puzzled me is about bags.

these ladies spent hundreds and even thousands on a bag. you know... those carriers that you put ur handphone and wallet in. yes those bags. den they starve themselves everyday at lunch just to save up for one... and when questioned... they will always say that they are on strict diet. fine... finally they had their dreams come true... its them with their LV GUCCI PRADA COACH... whatever. they spent their free time admiring their bags... even though it means that they have to miss their favourite tv series. and most of the time... you will find their bags sitting on a clean nice comfortable sheltered spot in the coffee shop while they dont mind to be on dirty stools elsewhere.

amazing isnt it? women.

hi

2007-06-11T11:27:00.000+08:00

hello people... sorry that i've been missing out for so long... i've no idea how many of you is still sticking to this silly place i have here... but nevertheless... i've decided to go on.

its been very much like a roller coaster ride for me recently and definitely been through some kind of emotional rumblings... many thoughts needed to be sorted out... even till now. very much becos of the past that haunts... we're so afraid to move on too fast... den into another wrong step. we're also afraid to move on at time just becos we dun wan to lose some that we have this very instance. a moment of it you made me feel so certain... so sure that you might just be the one... but sometimes... you just left me baffled.

i wanna fall crazily in love. i wanna enjoy how it feels all over again. i wanna find my way back into love. i need someone right to feel this with me. else i'll just back off slowly... so quietly that you wouldnt even realise that i'm gone for good. bits and pieces of now reminds me of the the pain i used to know... overwhelming my senses... that familiar ground which i used to fall on... revisits. wondering if there will ever be a change somewhere... i want it to be different from how it used to be.

other den that... i'm pretty much into blading these days... so if anyone of you wanna join me for blading on friday nights or sundays... please let me know. work is pretty taxing lately too... i'll see if i can find another time to blog again... take care people... to those who're still around. =)

and i love this song

I have been living with a shadow overhead
I have been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I have been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can not seem to move on

I have been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I have been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can not make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I have been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I have been searching but I just do not see the signs
I know that it is out there
There is got to be something for my soul somewhere

I have been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I am open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can not make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I am hoping you will be there for me in the end

There are moments when I do not know if it is real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can not make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I am hoping you will show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I will be there for you in the end

这决定

2007-04-27T15:24:00.000+08:00

想了好久，好苦。
决定放弃这份没有结果的恋情。
也许也是我一厢情愿，但心里真的好痛。
有一天希望你能明白一切。
爱的河流，就离你那么近。

还是做以前的我，可能会比较好过一些。
至少没有任何无奈的牵挂。

missing sound

2007-04-27T09:31:00.000+08:00

you're the missing sound... from my life.
and i'm missing part of me.

now i wish i'm deaf.

有些时候我真的想过逃走。
抛弃这些回忆，放下所有的你。
迷失方向的我们，努力寻找着勇气，就为了等待一个自己的决定。

untitled.

2007-04-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

yet again i'm sitting here infront of the screen... all alone by myself... wondering what should i do next. when i thought that everything else was dark enough... it just got darker. seems like i've been bumping around without a clue... hoping that someone out there might just shine me a beam of light and lead me out of all this blackhole. its been a period of controversy with very much down time. what would you have done if the life you're in is giving you too many options? especially when its all a heart game. how much would it matters to you knowing that the person you like/love isnt exactly feeling the same way about you? one thing's for sure that i'm not feeling good at all.

i've been commanding so much attention over the past 1 yr or so. i appreciate all my friends around me who lifted me when i was down. and i also do cherish for those who've loved me. every single relationship i swear is a lesson to me. very valuable lessons. i really hate having to make decisions like these all the time. especially when i know it hurts. i would have easily rated emotional setbacks as the number 1 killer over cancer. it just keeps your mind spinning without even knowing why. whats more to say that i really didnt want to leave. this i dont really have a choice.

all that i've with me at this hour of the night is sugar and the good ol jack daniels which i know will never fail me. why wouldnt i be happy, if madness had laughter. why do i wish for the sun, when the moon is just so captivating. its gonna be a quick-long night for me i'm sure.

cheers to the broken hearts, and my joy to sorrow. tomorrow will be a brand new day.

心动心痛

2007-04-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

在好的借口也应藏不了最终的事实。那种悲伤就像千万把刀在往心上插，生不如死。有一种说不出的思念在我脑海里徘徊。我真的累了。真的好累。最简单由单纯的爱情，竟是如此伤人，复杂。

这牵肠挂肚的感觉，好难受。

也许我早该放弃。试着离你而去。

爱的交易

2007-04-23T10:26:00.000+08:00

check this out... http://www.tokidoki.com.tw/

here's a quote from it that kept me thinking.

"我没有办法给你承诺，所以不想你为了一个不确定的未来，而错过生命中的许许多多。"

hmmm

到底真，又有多真？
爱，又能带我多深。
视线已经变得模糊。
感情也许真能令人如痴如醉。
疲惫的心灵，真的不想再挣扎。

我们偶然相遇。
证明了我们之间的缘分。
甩不掉的梦想，只令我越陷越深。

让我像一个迷了路的小孩，
在你怀里入睡。

car wash

2007-04-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

just came home not long ago after washing my car. it is damn tiring to wash your car alone la. anyway.... nothing much to say about for now... too tired anyway.

here're some pics of it lor... anyhow take one la... so dun expect too much from it. hah

when i just arrived at the car wash bay.

sparkling clean. haha wanna know why the car all look like different color? cos my handphone cam suck lor.

i miss you.

装傻

2007-04-20T14:20:00.000+08:00

不想知道的问题，我会选择听不到，也看不见。
不能避免的事实，我会倘然面对。
只希望在我的能力范围之内，给你留下至少这一时的美好。
因为，只有回忆，才会是永恒的。
也就是因为如此，我才能一辈子地在你心里逗留。

if it could always be that simple.

dont ask me why have i been babbling so much of chinese lately... i'm suddenly feeling damn poetic la. dont try to stop me. you cant anyway. hahah

=)

心理游戏

2007-04-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

just got home not too long ago... finally got the neck rest i wanted for my car. Manchester United is always the way to go! too bad they ran out of stock for the belt cover. but as always... good things are always out fast... better grab them as soon as its available. so i guess i just have to wait patiently for the arrival of the next batch of stock. hah

sometimes i wonder what on earth am i here for. forever being at this cross road which i hated most. its almost like a crossroad i have to pass everyday on my way home. the familiar tune on my old record player led me to a train of thoughts as usual. more or less like the unchain melody.

想对你付出的一切从没想要得到回报。
日夜的思念，是我爱你最好的证据。
你那甜美的声音，和在我记忆深处那美丽的面孔，真让人陶醉。
即使得不到你的天长地久，至少这也算是我们之间的曾经拥有。
在你还没发觉我的存在时，也就是我们那最好的距离。
你明白吗，我就是你的守护天使。

思念

2007-04-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

每当你在我脑海里出现时，心里总是觉得酸酸的。
不知怎能解释，也不知从何开始。
肉体上的距离，到底还是不比心灵上的差距来的远。

思念真是件残酷的心情。
心里填满一万份想见你的理由，却又不知如何发泄。
好想把你紧紧抓着不放，拥抱在怀里。
守护着你。

不善于表达的我，只求你能明白我对你那份独一无二的感觉。
但愿我们之间这普通朋友的关系，会永远是我能呵护你的借口。

心情

2007-04-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

此刻的感触是我所给自己再一次的考验。时间也只不过是另一种用来衡量岁月的工具。人的一生没多少机会再从头来过。

如果这是我和你之间最好的距离，我会这样的陪伴着你左右，一直走到生命的终点。

只求你能天天陪我说上一句话，我也就很幸福了。

fatigue

2007-04-17T09:09:00.000+08:00

i had a long train of thoughts last night. perhaps its no longer an issue whether i need to know what i want to do anymore... cos i know what i want to do. i'm facing pressure from all around me... especially my family. i didnt speak a word to anyone at home yesterday. i left my bag on the table and headed straight for east coast. i would always star gaze when i'm not feeling any good. but this time... i just blank out infront of the sea.

like an eagle who was too eager to fly... fell off the cliff from its nest. exactly how i would describe myself. always wanted the fastest best way i can ever find... and yet i didnt expect to face such failure eventually. yet another obstacle i've to face... and i'm disappointed with myself.

life is all about choices isnt it? the food u eat, the job you take, the friends you know, the girl you choose to love. i used to know exactly what i m doing and why is that so. like i've said, i used to. things are no longer as obvious anymore. i've been through too much... too soon.

i woke up this morning... feeling such hangover from yesterday's aftermath. i'm really tired.

lost.

2007-04-16T09:20:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning... with a heart so heavy. shouldnt i suppose to feel better after a good long sleep? i dunno. haven felt this way for a long long time. status quo for some time actually... in all aspects of life. just when i thought that i had everything i need in life... i realised that everything might not be everything afterall.

the pressure on me is intensive. i could always feel it breathing down my neck. to decide if i should really give up my studies with UOL now is really a huge turnover at this point in life. you know... more or less like you're moving out. people around you will always try to persuade you to hang in there... but i just dun see the point of hanging in there... wasting more money den i would have already wasted... when i know it i cant cope. i've yet to decide still though. lots of thoughts are running wild. i was never this lost before.

i could have always handle stress well anytime. i've always been a very jovial guy haven i? but this time... i could feel the arrows all around me. i'm facing this alone. and i'm doubting myself for my abilities to bring myself through now. there are times when there would be a spark of thought... the urge to give u a ring... or to text you. i wanted to tell you so much... or at least to spill it all out. anything from you would have made me feel better. really. yet so many reasons are holding me back... some were even so obvious. but i guess to hear/text/msn you in such wierd intervals, is more den i can ever ask for.

terrible. feeling so terrible. why is this so... why?

feelings.

2007-04-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

i guess i'm quitting school. UOL at least i think. was thinking of picking another deg with more exemptions... hopefully an easier deg. like some of those aussie degs which my frens are taking... and some would have called those the "mickey mouse" or user-friendly kind of degree. i just wanna get over with it... that darn piece of paper.

i spent the entire afternoon looking for those head rest pillow for my car... i've been searching around the entire jurong, bedok, clementi and bugis... can u believe it... none of the above mentioned places have the kind of head rest i want lor. i dunno if its just me or wad... whenever i wanna find anything... it always seems to b not available. and only when i dun need it anymore... you'll start seeing it everywhere you go. life's a bitch isnt it? a big fat bitch.

prolly a good analogy we can bring out too for love. the right one was never the right one when you've been searching high and low. and when you least expect urself to be in love, someone right might have just missed you.

somehow... i think i'm having some kind of mix feelings right now. i dunno why am i feeling this way... i dunno why should i. but u've been on my mind. i'm not very good with expressing myself most of the time when it comes to relationship matters... doesnt mean that i will anyway. but this time... i really feel like seeing you. i really do.

if only u can read my mind.

maybe i'll forget about all these first thing in the morning. maybe.

happy?

2007-04-15T01:59:00.000+08:00

sorry peeps for not being able to update for the past few days... i've been extremely packed with my very silly schedule. imagine... school... work... socialising... ah... sometimes i really wish that all i will ever have to do is to sleep all my life away.

anyway... firstly.. yes i've gotten my car... and i really had a very bad experience with that bastard. ok... and i really meant bastard.... F**ker. argh... he is the most irresponsible SE i've ever heard of. didnt even bother to call me when he already had my car ready. i call him he missed my calls... i msg him... he didnt reply. until when the cows are all back home den he finally decided to drop me a call. and before i started scolding him real bad... he told me that my car is ready for collection. when i was there to collect... i asked if i can find him if there is any problems i happen to face for the next couple of days. he simply snapped me off with... "No! go straight to toa payoh subaru's workshop urself". bloody asshole. PEOPLE... AVOID BUYING FROM HUAYANG AT ALL COST.

ok... friday after work i met up with benjamin, gao, violet and wendy for ktv... got home at abt 11.45... called my sis down wanting to let her familiarise with the car... and i tell you... its prolly one of the worst rides i've ever had... i dunno if its just her or ALL female drivers la. haha

woke up damn early for school today... dropped by HDB to get my season parking first... met up with my cousins after school, picked up my sis... and we all headed down to lim chu kang for sun set... but too bad it was raining la... me and zhongliang taught my cousin, cousin in law, vynn and my sis on the basics of their cameras. after that we headed to upper thompson for jap food.... den altivo for a drink. damn happening la... (besides the fact that i got a 6/100 for my econs mock paper). i'm so damn tired now... dunno if i should even feel contented. meeting up with tiffany to wash our cars together tomorrow evening.

now picture time.

hiya... just shooting this for fun... look at the look on vynn's face. haha... she's such a cranky beauty. =P

my cousin in law, hanpin. also another joker. haha

hanpin playing with zhongliang's camera.

all knock out at altivo.

lastly... my new wife. damn heart pain ah today... keep driving over rocks. den that stupid zhongliang keep bringing me to those sandy muddy roads... argh.. haha... going to get my car washed tomorrow after school. that time never check properly also... my spoiler got one small little paint chipped off. =(

boring.

2007-04-10T19:19:00.000+08:00

it suck to know that i've a fucked up agent. he told me that he had scheduled the car to arrival on 11th april... supposedly to be tomorrow la... never give me a call or anything until i have to call him up myself yesterday. den he told me that he have forcast the delievery to be on the 11th... but might have to wait for another 2 to 3 days due to dunno wad delay la... i'm damn annoyed by it lor.

anyway... i realised i've been rather self obsessed lately... haha... 2 more pics of myself today.

in toilet again lor... cos u know why... seb's a damn shy guy la... outside so many people around... too shy to take photos... have to sneak into the toilet when noone's ard to take photo lor... so yea... haha

ok la... me at my desk la... also faster see noone around den i take one lor... just to show u people that i dont take photos in the toilet only... haha

till den... adios

i was actually thinking of jogging earlier on... but after it started to rain... i think i've just found an excuse to not go anywhere else but to stay in my comfortable lil red room. haha.

mood swing

2007-04-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

its been a long day at work... as usual i'm feeling extremely jaded...

on the train home earlier... i was practically staring into blanks. so much thoughts were all running wild in my mind. my soul felt heavier den the usual. i didnt feel like talking at all. den i begin to wonder why are things around me happening just the way they are. i asked myself if this is really the kind of life that i would enjoy. i used to think it is... not saying i'm certain enough to label a no to it now... but i really dun know.

i m not exactly feeling unhappy... neither am i happy. its like me going about in circles... sometimes i thought i knew where i was going... yet always coming back to where i was the day before today. i'm crestfallen. the seb where everyone see to be... a man who knew every reason behind his actions... is actually just another pathetic lil boy who's lost somewhere out there. not just my love life is stagnant... my career path is seemingly bleak too.

time's catching up... i wish i knew who i am and what i'm meant for.

just look at how fast time changed me. losing the youth in me faster den i thought it would be.

i wish i was like before. sigh.

bah

2007-04-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

counting down count down... i am getting all perked up before the arrival of my car... i've been thinking of so many possible mods i can do to my car... but it all cost money!!! can someone pls be nice enough to donate me some cash so that i can doll up my wife? haha

another 2 more weekends to burn in school before the real thing starts... i guess i really need someone to force me to study la... my engine still isnt warm up yet. went for a hair cut after lesson today. just to keep myself awake for the upcoming exam preparation.

rainy days always seem to make one feels more lonely isnt it? =)

and for those who's interested in sugar's development... here're some of the pics i've just taken.

and more...
i love her so much!

no life no life no life no life...

2007-04-07T18:58:00.000+08:00

this weekend shall be another weekend wasted. i've been basically spending last weekend... this... and the next... and the one after next in school... for revision lessons... which simply means that exams are really drawing damn freaking near... YET i'm still not freaking out at all? something must be damn wrong... we all know... but right now all that i can feel is wrong is that i have no life at all!!! every other day is all just about school work work and school. nothing juicy abt anything.

good friday wasnt exactly good too.. went up to beizhen's place for mahjong... lost some peanuts there too.... haha.

am looking forward to the arrival of my wife to be soon the next week hopefully. i've been planning on the stuff that i could and might add on to the car. but all these cost a bomb la... hopefully lets just say that i can strike some toto soon... i might even cross this car to my sister's account... and i would have just get myself a rex for all i care... hahaha

also i've been preaching to some needy souls about my personal experience on my past relationship. the last one that is. trying to inspire them hoping that they can see some light like wad i've seen not too long ago. life's pretty much better in general for me now compared to the past... but of cos... being single... there are moments every now and den where you would wish u just have someone here for you... a sweet lil simple hug can do so much.

well.... i guess thats life... move on dude... tomorrow's gonna be a much better day (prolly not during this period of time la... cos tml's school day too).

bah

bah.

2007-04-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

you know wad? i seriously am beginning to hate coming out with post titles each time before i blog. sometimes i just want to say wad i want to say... nothing in particular... but since the education here in singapore all these while have been emphazing on a title each time before you start writing something... its been instilled in me since young... and i feel damn uncomfortable without one. hence... bah.

had the pontian wantan mee at heerens earlier with a colleague of mine. we were walking towards heeren when she suddenly called out for me...

her: eh seb... i show you a sms... i bet its gonna make ur appetite better shortly.

me: ???

(reading the sms which says... "handsome guy")

me: what abt it ah?

her: my friend saw you with me before we crossed the road... and she said you're handsome.

me: wah... dun like that leh... i shy le la... ask her over i treat her coffee.

(we laughed... hhaha)

ok la... it did make my day somehow la... but that doesnt make any difference to anything besides just having that short laugh we had.

i took some time off earlier before lunch thinking back at the changes i had in my life these far. realised that its been quite a journey for me. surprisingly how much i've changed over time. sometimes i wonder if this have been really wad i've always wanted. i cant quite tell still though. its very true that men do get more attractive as they age... especially when their career starts to bloom... and i only have my career to work on for now. lets just say that i hope that i'll become more attractive over time la... HAHAHA

feeling damn sleepy now... yawns.

lucky poo.

2007-04-04T20:49:00.000+08:00

my parents depicted sugar's divinci code and end up striking 4d today... haha... sugar was shitting all over my house this afternoon and each pile of poo she left looks like a number. my parents took their chance on the numbers and thats how they won... sugar had a very filling dinner today. haha

nothing much besides this i think... my life's sooooooo boring. haha. i mean.... wad else can u expect from a guy who's single yet so busy right? especially when you body clock's ticking away faster den you would want it to go.

sweet dreams !

bah

2007-04-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

"nobody owes you anything."

this just came to my mind every once in awhile. well you can say that i'm treating this very much as an alarm for every other sickening day of my life. and YES OF COS... noone owes me anything... and if i want something... i WILL get it myself. people these days are so fucking stuck up i must say, that they think money just fall from sky, bloom with the flowers or mailed to you in that god forsaken letter box of your home. WAKE UP KIDS! BARNEY'S OVER!

jesus... those morons just wun learn. whine and whine and whine about things that they want from their bf this and that... dont they ever realise that they should be glad that they're still at a non-zero value? oh my... i could have easily splurged on any other girls la... but definitely not on girls like that? silly boyfriends. haha (note: i was one of those fools before).

seb was prolly a nice ~~fool~~ guy before. wasting his life away for some princess leyla wannabes. some nice friends i have were asking me if they should introduce their nice single female friends to me since i've been single for quite some time... i appreciate it la... but i believe that i should be better off alone for now? i hope you guys dun mean that i'm that bad till i have to be matchmake ay? haha

i know exactly the kind of girl i wan in mind. and only she deserves my kind of love.

and as for now... career comes first. =)

DIET DIET DIET !!!

2007-04-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

i die die must go on diet this time... keep eating eating and eating everyday.... all the chocs... having a portion as big as what 2 people can eat every meal. not because i scared i not healthy... that i cant be bothered.... i just dun wanna look ugly!!!

just came back from a jog... trying to make it a point to run at least twice a week for now la... my schedule is damn pack. no time for extra stuff... and from today onwards... until i'm satisfied with my weight loss program... i shall have only 1 meal a day... and thats lunch.

DISCIPLINE!

dying a ugly man is so much worse den dying unhealthy.

anyway... was surfing through gary's friendster and i saw this pic we took a couple of months back at changing appetite. here's it

the 4 musketeers... haha... i look at gong ah... hahahha... who cares.

jaded. VERY.

2007-03-31T20:38:00.000+08:00

considering that i had only like 4 hours of sleep... for an old man like me... is obviously not enough. i had a hard time crawling to school... and was late for close to 2hours. just in time for lunch. haha. i cant understand why... i know nuts about econs... and yet i'm not really as panicky as before? when exams are just a month away. got my results for the stats mock today... in my group of 7... without saying... i m definitely the least hardworking of all. but i am the 4th out of them. i scored better den i thought actually... still failed though. 27 out of 100. not too bad for a start. hahahaha

oh yea... bumped into ericia in school too... pretty pretty. hahah

met up with the guys for soccer after school... and i have an announcement to make... i had decided to step down from professional soccer. HAHA... wah... i think too long never exercise... its damn tiring lor! i guess sitting back and get fat is so much easier. haha

well... i still have to go to school tomorrow... there goes my weekend. gary's gonna be away to china for work too... bon voyage!

till den... sweet dreams!

Eat eat and eat.

2007-03-30T20:50:00.000+08:00

its hard not to put on any more weight when you're working in a company like mine. not only you have friendly colleagues who keep baking and cooking for everyone in the team... the company itself is trying to kill all of us with food. haha.

we were having our annual budget release today at meritius mandrin. we had this buffet style lunch which actually includes the chatterbox chicken rice! the food there is damn nice la... i cant stop myself from eating even though i really wan to. lunch finishes at abt 1pm... we had some team building games like building the tallest structure with straws. my team won the first prize. another few boxes of rochers for us to munch on... den we had tea reception at about 3pm... the makes it another round of food fest.

back at the office... my colleagues keep offering me pastries... and shannon even peeled me an orange! haha. today's actually lee hsien yang's last day in the organisation too. we had our third round of buffet at the lobby with him... can you imagine... 3 rounds of buffets in a day... this is crazy. haha

yashi's last day at work too. though she had been a nuisance to me at times... still... its sweet of her to have us a farewell gift (chocs again.... sinful). well... i might just miss her... and also... looking forward to meet my new colleague... if there's ever one to come. haha

photos time!

thanks la thanks la. haha... all the best to u.

shannon and christine... i was just trying to be funny and spoil their photo la... haha... end up getting scolded =(

hurmmm... lets just say that these r only some of the girls sitting around me.

i'm so tired la... so little time to do my job proper today. keep having to attention all these stupid functions. but i dun mind going to another buffet session in mandrin la. haha

till den... signing off... lifeless seb... home on a friday night. =/

lunch in

2007-03-29T13:01:00.000+08:00

its raining quite heavily outside now... my usual lunch kakis are all in the gym. as usual... seb's just too lazy to do anything about it. besides having a meeting with the vendors later at 2pm... leaving in about 30mins time i guess.

nothing too exciting happening these days.. nor there's anything too different. everyday's basically very similar to the day before... prolly just wearing different clothes... putting on a different mask each day at work. saying the same old stuff to colleagues just the way that i think they might wanna hear. basically waiting for the week to end. but even so... for this weekend... i will still have to be back in school for my econs revision. so tell me people... how exciting do you actually find ur life to be?

i'm still pretty much waiting for my car to arrive. time seem to be passing slower den before... in fact... much slower. its not even april. oh boy... is it just me or that this should be the "standard" way of living?

yea... i hate rainy days.

soccer!

2007-03-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

meeting up with the guys this sat after school for soccer... its been a damn long while since i last exercised la... i've been so comfortable with sitting back and getting fat... but i guess its time for me to wow the rest with my impressive soccer techniques. HAHAHA

sometimes i wonder if i will end up as the next soccer legend... i cant stop scoring each time i m with the soccer ball. the only word in the dictionary u might find in me is only to score. i have always been very humble... but seriously... ronaldinho isnt the best with the ball control... i've been shunning compliments... but they just come to me all the time. everyone's completely taken in as soon as they see me in action. HAHAHAHA

ok seriously... i have to really start exercising la...

oh yea... did i mention that paris hilton is damn freaking hot? hell yea... i love her to bits. HAHA

untitled

2007-03-27T23:48:00.000+08:00

it feels good to think back on the past of how i used to be... and to compare with where i stand right now at this point in life. witnessing every step i've taken... knowing how far i came alone... understand my growth in life... from a boy to a man.

though commitments have very much become my burden... having to cope with stress i receive from work and school... at least i know that my life is a fruitful one. rather den spending months dwelling on some rotten relationship... i've came to sense i hope... for the better.

i know my time will come where i am gonna have wad i truely deserve. someday... someone right will share this moment in life with me. having You to watch over me... i could feel peace within. You might have planned the worst for me... prolly for a reason... but rest assured... i'm gonna walk out of it... to find my own paradise.

for even a spoilt clock is right at least twice a day. =)

tired.

2007-03-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

just got back home... finally had a chance to meet up with sandy since a long long time. and i think the last time i met her was at grapevine la... more den a year ago... haha... all the flying made you much prettier sandy. =) u better take good care of yourself too... just the way u tell me to too... or even better... haha

a lil something to keep you people wondering... what is wrong with people these days? on the way back to the station through citylink, i took some time off into the gents... and i saw this fine young girl walking out of a cubicle. alone of course. it struck me hard for a moment that i thought i was in the wrong room. i hurried back out to check out the sign... correct wad... its the gents... i went back in.. saw those urinals side by side... its not me... she's blind.

sweet dreams peeps.

monday blues

2007-03-26T09:53:00.000+08:00

hard a hard time waking up this morning. the weather gave me all the reasons i need to sleep just a lil bit longer. i was making myself so comfortable under my blanket until sugar came in and start tugging my pillow... shuffling her paws on my right arm trying hard to get my attention. i knew my sweet dreams have to end there. she's suppose to be a pet/watch dog... not an alarm clock la!

train ride to work is still terrible. especially when its raining. cabin after cabins of canned sardines on a railway... cant wait to go to work. i was just one of the dead fried tasteless sardines amongst the rest. dont even know when will i be able to drive to work someday. working in town is a hazardous problem. not just on the peak hours... also your pocket.

was invited to a thank you lunch with the directors and VP for the annual staff function... luckily i think i will be skipping the meeting i supposedly should have in the afternoon because of this lunch. ahh... seb's such a cheapo... free lunch is always better den no lunch... haha... it will be at sanur restaurant.

should be meeting up with sandy after work today... but den again have to check with my after lunch work load... its been a rather hectic period for me... since a long time that i've last met up with this sweet lil SIA girl. haha... well... lets just hope its all well for me today.... keeping my fingers crossed.

and ah... my dad has this stupid problem sometimes i also cannot take it. the way he talks to those sales assistants is as if they owe him a living la... always when he thinks he is paying for the service or goods, he will naturally bring out this damn bossy tone... which can sound pretty rude at times. it isnt intentional but it just cos we know him well enough. and i always have to keep reminding him.

anyway, have a nice day people!

sunday.

2007-03-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

ok... sunday is as usual bored... but i suppose not for long la... cos my sweet lil cute car is coming soon! haha

anyway... i prepared dinner again today. cabbage seafood soup... crabstick egg.... pork chop... and chicken wings. here's a pic of it. haha

i'm a great chef huh? haha... who say men cant cook?

oh yea... here're 2 pics from last night... i can show u guys how drunk i look... haha...

den me my gary la... machiam gay buddy... HAHA
now you guys know why i m still single after all these while right? hahahaha

btw... have anyone seen the KFC adverts? they suck so much that i cant stop laughing all the time. hahaha

confirmation

2007-03-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

omg... i think i m drunk. just got home from meeting gary n friends. drank a lil too much. tipsy tipsy. this post might not even make any sense.

went back down to subaru before i met up with the guys. to clear up the remaining payment. here's 2 pics of the car i will be getting... exactly the same color and design... just that i got my rims changed.

pics.

argh... damn giddy now... going to bed... sweet dreams.

The Men's Rules

2007-03-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

Got this through an email... u people gotta spend some time reading this... its cool shit. haha

-----------------

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down (big ups bro)

Finally , the guys' side of the story . ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules" from the female side .

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. S ympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant THE OTHER ONE .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .........

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as rugby , cars, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

-------------------

today's such a god damn busy day. argh... i need to chill a lil later. haha.

meeting up with my cousins n some chics at PS cafe...

gotta go finish up all my outstandings for now... tata

stress

2007-03-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

the agent got back to me this afternoon telling me that subaru will now waive off the 500bucks extra for me... ask me to keep this to myself. i tell you... these sales people really will go all the way out to cheat your money one... even if the top up is true... if i told him that i m willing to top up yesterday... i bet they will gladly pocket your money... bastards

i'm so stressed up lately... work is picking up so fast that i cant even breath... exams are drawing sooo near that i m already rearing butterflies in my tummy. sigh... so much to do... so lil time... so lil money. my mum's health condition also not too optimistic... now that she has to top up her medical expenses means more money... me and my sis decided to top up the extra for her... now i'm really feeling the financial burden all on myself. its not a very good feeling to have exactly.

meeting up with my cousins for dinner at PS cafe again tomorrow night... dinner at such posh places simply means seb is more broker most brokest den usual. ah... suddenly so many things are happening...

anyone has a better paying job with very much lesser workload to introduce me? please let me know. haha

untitled.

2007-03-22T10:04:00.000+08:00

finally a lil short time-off from my hectic schedule for the past 3 days. endless development meetings that are taking up all my time... finally got to settle in today to clear up my outstanding work. my japanese colleague is here in singapore, having another different kind of meeting this afternoon with her. but i guess it wouldnt be as bad as those i had for the past few days la.

yesterday was the day for my first COE bid... my agent called me up in the afternoon telling me that they have been out bidded and i have to top up another 500 bucks if i actually would like to have the car soon. initially i was contemplating if i should la... until when my colleague taught me how to check the bids they threw in for my COE. i realised that they were just a dollar lower den the bid closure. i dunno what are they really up to... but i told him that i wun pay a single cent extra. i mean... i have paid so much for this car and if ur company cannot afford to fork out that 500bucks for me... den too bad la... u dun get to have ur commission from me anyway.

so he called me up later last night telling me that he will talk to his boss about paying the extra COE for me and let me know abt the outcome by today. seriously... never ever trust a car agent no matter who's friend or relative he or she is. these sales people are highly trained and can be extremely unscrupulous.

dun say i never warn u people ah. haha

tired tired tired

2007-03-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

i tell you... i've been soooooo busy lately that i hardly even have time for anything else. i'm so involved in the development of some new system that we will be using for my products... that meetings have been so frequent and it usually last for the entire day... which includes over time. to the extend that i dun even have time to do my job proper... and everything else in my mail box is piling up. argh... and those discussions we have during the meeting is soooo mind taxing that i cant even think straight everyday after work.

met up with sv and mc after work yesterday for a short dinner... den i realised that its been 2 mths since i last met them! gosh... so tied up with school and work... that i didnt even notice how fast time flies... i reach the office when dawn just break each day... coming home when the moon's already up and shining. no proper meals... ah... i need a pay rise. haha

anyway... my agent just gotten back to me this morning telling me that my loan has been approved. he continued with my COE bidding today... which supposingly is to end by tomorrow noon/evening? well... hopefully he doesnt get me to top up anymore... i'm so broke.

i'm still thinking about my rims... hurmm... now its not only the M factor... but also i cant decide what kind of rims i wan... the color and the design. =/

guess i'll be tuning in soon... i can barely keep my eyes open.

some told me that i need a woman in my life... why? bah.

nite pple. =)

sugar day.

2007-03-18T18:59:00.000+08:00

just got home not too long ago from school.... the UOL revision begins now till after the exams for me... its drawing soooo near that i could feel it right down my neck. haha... but seriously... i dunno if i can really be bothered about it... its draining my life juice DRY.

decided to do a lil shopping for my darling sugar earlier on after school...

and this is wad i got her (not very healthy i know la... but she's a fussy eater... and she loves it. its ok for her to have this once in awhile right? haha).

den i left her playing with that bounce ball i've got her...

my dumb dumb blur blur lil darling is just so sweet... watching it roll away from her. haha

aite... thats all folks.

saturday

2007-03-17T17:17:00.000+08:00

my saturday these days are sooooo similar to the many other sats i was having for the past 1 month. at home at home at home... be it i study or not la. sigh... lifeless me.

met up with my cousin cynthia n husband hanpin.... leong.... meefong and eric at PS Cafe last night. its a damn nice place to chill la... but not very convenient to get there without a car... very green house off town kind of place. nicely decorated... nice food nice drinks. =) i'm going there again on friday next week with my other cousin jamie n yekai.

well... i guess i had a lil problem with my car loan back den on thursday... hopefully things can be resolved soon (before wed) else i'm gonna miss the 21st COE bidding. =(((((

hurmm... really love this mtv fei ni mo shu... i wish i could have a love experience like tt.

一份傻傻的爱情，单纯又天真的那个你，让我感觉好幸福。但，幸福，你又在哪里？

guess i'm going back to slack again yea... tata

rims. change or dun change.

2007-03-16T09:06:00.000+08:00

i knew it wun just end like that... after having to decide which car i'm gettinng... now the sales person brought up another question to me about changing my original rims into the wrx rims. i mean... not that he's trying to get more out of me la... but it really looks nice on the car i think. haha... but the prob is i have to top up another 650. argh... thats alot leh... i keep paying n paying even before i can get my ass on the car. but if i dun change now... i wun be able to trade my original in in future after wear n tear... so if i ever decided to change again... i have to pay 3 4k leh! =(

should i? should i not?

anyway... on the train to work today... i caught this sweet lady right infront of me... she was doing some read ups on this book called beginners for Norwegian or something like that. suddenly what ifs thoughts started flashing past my mind... suddenly i can imagine myself speaking fluent Norwegian and she is so amazed by it and we became friends. HAHA... ok... i'm just tired in the morning. hence creating my own interesting morning.

-------------------------------

now to clarify some questions that i cant stand people asking me anymore:

your dad bought the car for you?
would your dad buy one for me too? comon! this is my sweat n blood!

are you sure u can pay off everything on time?
if my heart doesnt stop beating any moment... i'm pretty sure i can... thanks for the concern.

issit tough on you?
to a certain extend... yes. imagine few hundred bucks lesser to spend each month. but still managable becos i'm actually sharing the cost with my sis. we're sharing the car.

did they give you any freebies?
ermmm not that i know of becos i fitted this car with almost all the original subaru impreza's accessories. but they did gave me a few hundred bucks off the original price though.

how much are you paying for?
check for the web price for the impreza and less a few hundred bucks off it. it really depends on what you want for a car... a cent for an inch... literally. do your maths properly... including the yearly depreciation and when is your break even. unless u intend to keep the car forever.

so when are you getting your car?
they were telling me end of april. but honestly.. nothing is firm yet becos they are still waiting to bid for the COE. if in any case they require me to top up any more... i will just cancel my order. so i might end up with no car afterall? haha

good enough? email me if u still have any burning enquires about a young man owning a subaru.

made up my mind

2007-03-15T09:22:00.000+08:00

ohhhh you people should just know that seb cant stand having tooo many choices... haha... so many pretty cars to consider with such lil budget. i'm just a poor man... no money buy expensive cars. so after thinking for sooooo long... finally... i've gotten my subaru impreza yesterday. yea... gotten it. haha...

now just waiting for the COE bid... the loan approval... and if nothing goes wrong... i should be getting my new baby by the end of april. *prays hard*

anyway... last night was too dark for my lousy phone camera to take any decent pictures of the car to show u peeps.... (told u i'm a poor man)... but i've took one at home of the subaru booklet the sales guy have given me.

here it is... exactly the same car and same color... just that mine includes the whole body kit. haha
urban grey (you know... those grey shiny grey? yea)... waiting waiting waiting impatiently. haha. the very first car i bought myself. =)

how how how!?!?

2007-03-14T09:10:00.001+08:00

yesterday when i got home... i tried studying for this stupid IBM paper... and i tell you.. this unit really lives up to its name... every single batch of student are always complaining that this is a damn dry unit... true enough... i doze off all the way till this morning after reading 3 pages of the notes... i'm soooooo dead.

anyway... now i'm having 2nd thoughts on the vios n mazda... my dad was telling me that the subaru impreza and the lancer looks good too...

he said: hiyo... toyota's everywhere on the road... this new one 50+k somemore... u could have just top abit more to get a tougher one.

me: ... abit more pain leh.

the prolly more justifiable from the monetary point of view.

here're 2 more to my headache...

subaru impreza TS

lancer
PEOPLE... HOW HOW HOW

decided?

2007-03-13T09:36:00.000+08:00

ay... my last mock is on thursday... and i still cant seem to get myself to study at all... i've also applied my leave for may during the exam period... sigh... its sad to see my leave all go just like that... how about my australia trip??? =(

anyway... i think i've decided on getting the new vios. not that i dont like the mazda 3... but its slightly more expensive... and that model has been around for more den 3 yrs... rumours said that they r coming out with a new facelift too... so i reckon that i would prefer a cheaper... a new facelift... a more fuel saving car.

here's how the new vios is said to look like.

yea... see how things go... wanted to make a trip down to borneo this sat... but my agent is still on reservist... prolly either this sun or next week i guess.. =)

Sugar and Coco

2007-03-12T00:23:00.000+08:00

my auntie just got herself a shih tzu this afternoon... and we wanted to name her yoga becos the way she lies down resembles my sister's yoga position.. but my auntie den decided to call her coco instead.

coco's extremely lazy la... she lies down after walking every 2 steps. unlike sugar when she was younger.

anyway... just to share the pics with u guys.

coco... the size slightly smaller den a tissue box.

sugar and coco... they seem to get along pretty well. haha

hurmmm... maybe i should get myself another pooch too... HAHA

Seb the Chef

2007-03-11T18:25:00.000+08:00

i got soooooo sick and tired of studying when nothing can stay up in my brain. but if i were to go out... i would have feel guilty too. so i've decided to be the chef for the day... as usual the famous seb's fried rice on the menu!

1. prepare egg, hotdog, crabstick and garlic
2. fry the egg first
3. break it up into smaller pieces
4. fry the garlic bits first before adding the rice
5. mix the hotdog and crabstick. make sure its cooked
6. lastly, mix the egg.

a lil something special today too for my beloved sugar. made her hotdog + luncheon with pork floss topping mixed with her doggy dry food.

1. prepare luncheon meat with hotdog cubes
2. fry both with minimum oil (dun use oil also can)
3. leave the cubes over a piece of tissue for it to absorb the oil (healthier choice)
4. mix everything into the bowl including the dry dog food. top it with the pork floss.
5. and its now ready to be served!

p.s. sugar finished everything except the dog food lor. she's a damn fussy eater.

---------------------------------

just a passing thought

have you ever miss my cooking?

sigh

2007-03-11T01:04:00.000+08:00

i wish i could spend forever watching sunrise with you, till the sun sets.

sigh.

so ever lonely.

爱情交易

2007-03-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

曾经被一份我所珍惜的爱情伤透了心，照成了我今日对爱的恐惧。对于时间是否能米埔我心灵所受到的创伤，实在的，我还不明了。偶尔也许还会在时空里徘徊着，但我那残缺的心早已失去了理智。

说真的，我何尝不想和大家一样能享受恋爱的过程，婚后的幸福。但或许这次也大概不想再受伤害，对于心爱的人也有所保留。随着岁月的痕迹，我想，这一切也慢慢变成了我的习惯。从此接受了自己一个人生活。

也许这爱情的交易可能会换回我一生的孤单，但我不介意。与其宁可爱着一份真正属于我的爱，也不想爱错再受伤害。

Annual Staff Function

2007-03-10T16:58:00.000+08:00

I was sooo tired yesterday. it was my first Annual staff function with Singtel @ 1827 Thai Restaurant. i was rather entertaining la... but i'm not very involved. i felt more like an unpaid photographer rather den a staff who's part of this function. the place was too small too to accommodate all of us. quite a few didnt turn up too.

join quite a few of them at MOS yesterday after dinner... am so tired even till now.

anyway... did i mention that my department are mostly women (still got a few other pretty ones all didnt turn up lor. =/ )?

let the pics do the talking.

and also... toyota already stop selling the vios u people see on the road. the new 2007 model is coming out at the end of the month. they are already taking in orders for the new vios. the price went up quite abit too.

thinking... thinking... sigh

car or no car?

2007-03-09T11:11:00.000+08:00

today we all get to go off at 3.30pm due to our annual staff function. in some silly thai 1827 restaurant behind the parliament building. i've seen the interior of the place... though it looks quite nice... i still think that a company like this should at least have their D&D somewhere better? prolly a hotel at least. and not some thai 1827 restaurant with BUFFET. =/

anyway... since my sis just started working.... we're both contemplating of sharing a car. we're considering cars like vios... mazda 2 and 3.... chevrolet aveo or kia cerato. but the 2 that topped my list would be the vios (which my cousin have recently gotten) or a mazda 2 or 3.

a friend of mine who's working in the backend with toyota had introduced me a friend of hers from the salesfloor. she was also telling me that the new facelift of vios for 2007 will only be launch at the end of the year. so its still quite safe to get it somewhere around this time. the only thing is prolly that the COE had just went back up.

vios

and a mazda 3

issit gonna be a sports factor... or a $$$ factor. hurmmmm

anyway... not this month la... might be the next mth or the month after.

untitled.

2007-03-08T14:17:00.000+08:00

缘分也许会在你最掉以轻心时，擦身而过。甚至就这样从此也没再出现。

但我相信，在这世界的某个角落，会有一个只属于我的人。到她出现的那一天，我会耐心等待。把我最真诚的爱，为她而留。

只有了解我内心深处的她，才会明白其中必有的奥妙。只有她，我才能找到我的归属感。只有她，才能踏入我的心房。

相爱真是可欲，不可求。

期待着能和你相遇的那一天。

-------------------------------------------

我心中从前那另外一个她，因该真的消失了吧？

分手也有好些日子，大概也已经忘了。

back at work.

2007-03-08T09:35:00.000+08:00

today almost didnt feel like a normal working day. after the short monday i had which was fully packed with meetings ONLY... after that i went on a 2 days MC. being back today in the office with a lil bit of hang over... tispy dipsy still... UNTIL I GOT DOWN TO MY MAILBOX. i really had a hard time sorting out all those mails that are really related to me with the rest of the "show mails". people these days just enjoy sending what they have done or will do to the rest of the world... just in case if noone knows that they are actually working.

was on the phone till 3am this morning and i cant even think straight now. not even with coffee.

bah... suddenly feel sick again. and that bloody ulcer on my lip is KILLING ME.

stress

2007-03-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

my days can only get worse i think. now i'm not sure if its the earthquake that causes my head to spin or issit that i'm really exhausted. i'm on MC for 2 days (today and tomorrow). thought that it might be just do me good with ample time to prepare for my 2 papers this week. but only this afternoon did i realise that i actually have my stats paper today.

i tell you... rushing the entire unit in 2 hours is impossible. but still... i eat and bath with my notes... travel with my notes. i reckoned that i can score more den 25marks for this paper la. sigh.

when i got home after the paper... wanting to clear up some work related mails... to my horror... i've 90+++ unread mails staring right at me. sometimes i really wonder why are You doing this to me. to make a better seb out of it? or are You just killing Your boredom at my expense? so in case that You're not aware of it.... HELLO... I'M DYING DOWN HERE.

i really wish i can enjoy myself like many of you out there. having all the time in the world to enjoy what you're doing at work... chilling with friends.... slouching back on your sofa infront of the television. THATS LIFE. i've got none. and its really freaking me out. all i do everything is work work work work.... study study study study. i cant help it... not that i enjoy whining. i've never appreciated anyone who used to whine to me in the past. never... not till now that i've been through shit myself.

seriously i wouldnt mind if i work so hard but i can at least see tangible results. but it all seemed like i'm doing all these for nothing at all. its sooo traumatising. so discouraging. i dun even feel like studying for my papers tomorrow. i really wanna just bury myself under my smelly blanket and die there.

oh yea... thats it.

unwell.

2007-03-05T10:14:00.000+08:00

i dunno if its too much mugging... or too much junk food... i'm not feeling well today at all.

everything started well initially... before i left home. but i started feeling giddy when i'm on the bus to the train station. it got worse when i alighted. the first thing that came to my mind was that i better not roll down the escalator... damn malu... no image. so i got hold of myself... took a deep breathe in... and continue travelling.

so even till now... i'll still feeling giddy... not worse... but not any better. i wish i can go on mc today... but i'm suppose to have this important meeting with my boss and the vendors in the afternoon.

besides, i really do have tonnes of notes to go through. sigh.

hang in there seb.

Sugar's First Birthday

2007-03-04T19:41:00.000+08:00

finally we had a chance to meet up with everyone in the family today. though it was just a short 15minutes... but i guess its good enough for us to sing 2 birthday songs.

dont wanna spend too much time blogging for now... got alot more to study. sigh... i can almost feel the entire weight of it on me.

here're some of the pics we took earlier...

happy 1st birthday darling. i love you!

"i'm proud to be me!"

lets blow the candle together ya.

my lovely family.

like peter berger pointed out: "The fundamental sociological problem is not crime by law, not divorce but marriage, not racial discrimination buy racially defined segregation, not revolution but government."

i would have topped them up with: "it was never hate, but love to begin with. nothing feels sad without experiencing happiness. never a failure without a set of standards that we would have hope to pursue."

back mugging. =(

Changi board walk.... revisit.

2007-03-04T02:30:00.000+08:00

this is the dunno how many times i'm there at the board walk... once again... taking a break from all those evil notes that i've been reading all day long. but sad to say... i've yet to meet my perfect sun set.

just to share the only 2 shots i've made today.

i wish we could have watched this together.

for a wait that will never come true.

dreams shattered.

2007-03-02T22:15:00.000+08:00

yea... my life changed... truely...

poorer.

=(

but nevermind la... shuilin said i still have her...
i'll try again for the next angbao draw den. haha

counting down.

2007-03-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

i was so tired when i got home that i locked myself up in the room for a short nap. den later only that i've realised that i've missed the cake cutting for my dad's bd yet again. guess i really have to make a point to really remember tomorrow. sigh

its about 30mins away from the draw... its gonna be me ! haha

anyway... here's a couple of pics which i've taken using my phone cam. just for the fun of it. =)

i'm waiting for a call that may never come

even keyboards have placed "u" and "i" together.

i've written a letter to you. whoever you are.

pick it up someday... will you?

D day

2007-03-02T10:52:00.000+08:00

today's definitely gonna change the life of a few others. the great grand 10million bucks draw result will be out this evening. i wish... i wish... that i'm gonna be one of the winners la! i'm sure i do stand a chance, cos even that beggar in hongkong also can become a millionaire over night... if he had his chance... i'll have mine too! hahah

pre-lunch thoughts
if there's something that could change my life... this lottery draw would be it. definitely.

when they say that chances come by when you least expected... its prolly telling you to watch out. you wouldnt wanna miss any of those fragile pieces i'm sure.

thursday ends.

2007-03-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

today's such a bad day... not only did it not start off well... it didnt even end well too... how can i even forget to bring my dad's cake along with me after leaving the office? argh...

i'm falling back into my depression. suddenly feeling pain all over myself. physically. which somehow den leads to an emotional down time.

here's a pic to end this lousy day (pardon me for my handwriting).
where feelings would sometimes linger along that particular part of a timeline, taking me back for a walk through memory lane. oh sweet time flies like how meteorites collide. could a man never to perfect life without his soulmate. my fair lady... where are you? i miss you. but silly me... when i dun even know you. come by soon will you? i'll promise never to let you go.

thursday morning.

2007-03-01T10:58:00.000+08:00

traffic this morning was hazardous. i've missed 4 trains more den the usual. buses and trains were packed with people... den i reckoned that it could be the rain. its always the rain. it just affect everything doesnt it? not just on our daily routines... somehow... it tingles that emotional tonsil within your inner most self.

i felt the crowd in motion... boarding and alighting my everyday bus... passing in and out of my everyday train. brushing shoulders and backs. but that doesnt bother me at all. i was only engross in my own thoughts... watching everything goes by myself outside the window... like an old film i suppose. i could only feel how alone i am.

besides blogging this now in the office... i bet noone knows exactly whats with the chores that they're on. they just type what they've always typed... prolly saying what they've said the day before. and if you have ever tried asking anyone about it... they should be telling you the obvious. they might even sound confident with it. with the least consciousness, most have long gone blinded by artificial implants.

where does my world revolves around now? prolly like how singtel or singnet is operating their services... with intermittent signals. sometimes i thought i knew where i'm heading... else i should be sitting back on my arm chair at home wondering why on earth am i still here. its always a neither nor kind of thing...

suddenly reminds me of teletubbies... they topped the kiddy box office for awhile... den later it just died looking spastic.

bah... its just another rainy day... feeling the same old way for a long long time i guess.

sigh

2007-02-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

i tell you... i really gonna fail so bad for this mock paper.

nothing that i've studied seems to appear on that dumb senseless piece of paper. argh... now i'm really beginning to worry for the real one. sigh.

left the office at 4pm with xueling... wanted to do some last minute revision in school. end up chatting with her over dinner instead... she caught me using my hanky... and said:

x: wah seb, i didnt know u uses hanky too.

s: uh... wads the matter?

x: ay... i tot only sentimental guys uses hanky

s: well... that just proves me one...

x: u look more like a playboy.

s: ...

lesson learnt... never study with a chiobu.

now even my sister also finally attached again after so long. =/

untitled.

2007-02-28T10:46:00.000+08:00

just some random thoughts going through my mind this very instance. was reading up on horoscope for today... and they're telling me not to take the easy route out as only the tougher ones will teach me more. you gotta be kidding me... who on earth in the right mind will be that dumb to choose something more difficult when they know they have an easier way to solve a problem? ha.

i'm prolly going through a string of pre-mock examination syndromes (PMS) now. i'm drinking more coffee den usual... knowing that i haven studied anything last night since i'm home late after work. picked up a lil here and there while revising with junwei... somehow i'm feeling confident... even though i'm knowing nothing. i guess this just shows that i'm pretty self motivated... self encouraging... self comforting. hah.

had a sudden conversation with mum last night... and it goes something like:

m: how's you and that girl coming along?

s: huh? what girl?

m: what you mean what girl?!

(i paused for a second...)

s: oh... that... ermmm... well... i'm single still... too busy for one.

(yea right... i cant possibly tell mum that i've been seeing the wrong kind of girl all these while right?)

m: you ah... no more monkey business... you shld find someone nice and start thinking about settling down.

s: (... right... i wish) ermmm ok.

wah kaos... i tell you... i cant even remember when was the last time i really had someone nice coming by. how does it feels like to love someone right? ok... maybe i was guilty of letting a few good ones to slip by... =(

met a few colleague from my other division for a casual meeting earlier on... we have been communicating through emails all these while... its our very first meet up. suddenly... one of them asked who's sebastian.

i was glad that someone remembered me. i smiled. den a few others, together, replied coincidentally... handsome young chap.

i dun care if they really mean it or not la... not that it matters.... but somewhat it just makes my day... at least its making me feeling better apart from all the exam hoo-has. haha

idiots.

2007-02-27T16:46:00.000+08:00

ah... i was so darn busy since morning till now... finally i can breath!

anyway... i cant stand those idiots who blast their MP3s on their handphone. i keep bumping into people like that ALL THE TIME. DUN THEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EARPHONES? wah kaos... i tell you it is soooooo damn irritating when you're already dreading to get urself to work and these idiots think they own the bloody transport.... ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DUN UNDERSTAND THE SONG LA!

you know what??? i hope these idiots lose their handphone some day. in exchange for my peace while traveling.

*middle finger* (screaming infidelities)

bah... i think i'm really falling sick... =(

bored in office.

2007-02-26T14:43:00.000+08:00

despite the many many things that i've to do today in the office... i still feel kind of bored. den again... i think its prolly the pre-examination stress la. meeting up with junwei after work for revision... ok... maybe revision doesnt really apply to me... because i haven know anything to revise in the very first place... =/

and out of boredom... took a snap shot of myself... so people... tell me if i suit a goatie or not? hahaha!

with goatie

without goatie

which which which??? hahaha

i cant wait till the exams are over... i need a break... ahhhh... hopefully i pass all of them of cos....

weekends burnt...

2007-02-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

ay.... i'm really beginning to gan jiong already la...

i really can hardly get anything into my head.... i keep skipping chapters somemore... =/ sigh... trying to get some last min info into my head before i go to bed soon... sweet dreams people...

hurmmm... i wonder why am i still on this record. hahaha... weird....

mugging

2007-02-25T01:54:00.000+08:00

argh.... i've been trying so darn hard to get anything into my head. exams are drawing sooooo near that i can already feel it breathing down my neck. but i'm just so damn lazy. HOW HOW HOW.... ???

now i'm addicted to this song i have here in my blog... someone sent me her version of it. such sweet lovely voice... haha... i'm mesmerised.

sweet dreams people... i shall try mugging for the next few days.... the paper is on wednesday... God... you've gotta bless me for this... haha

friday night.

2007-02-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

met up with gary and friends after work... and i cant believe i'm having sushi again so soon.

just look at how much we had for our starter.... its not even anywhere near to our main course... we're really atrocious la.

den we headed for jason's place after meal for mahjong... i tell you lor... i'm really losing my luck. we played 2 games of mahjong... in the first game... i won for the entire dong feng. and ever since that feng... i've only seal 2 times! argh...

i'm so tired now la... i need to go wash up and den sleep.

and i shall try to get myself started for my exams preparation... its on this coming wednesday... bravo.

auntie rocks.

2007-02-23T09:13:00.000+08:00

on the way to work this morning... on the train... this auntie sitting infront of me... was on her ear phones apparently listening to some music. after awhile... i realised that she's beginning to sway her head from left to right n right to left. so i thought was normal... you know... sometimes we do get abit carried away with our favourite music la... den later... she started shaking her head... and i really mean shaking her head! and her lips' trying to match the lyrics i think... everyone had their eyes on her.

she's cool. haha

health issue

2007-02-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

i think age is really catching up with me la. so tired so easily??? people will come telling me... "ay pls la... seb... you how old only...." eh... sad... but true... now i'm even feeling numbness at a side of my back... i'm trying to watch my diet very closely... sigh

just caught Letters from Iwo Jima with brenda after work. its a must watch movie i must say... not that much about the victories... the focus is more on the feelings of the soldiers back den when they're in a war knowing that they will lose eventually... something good about history that you peeps should catch when you have the time.

met up with gary and jason after the movie for supper. now i'm super tired... gonna sleep soon.

here's one from me today in the toilet. (i'm beginning to like taking pics in toilets la... its like a kingdom to myself. hahah)

later peeps. =)

journey to work

2007-02-22T09:19:00.000+08:00

first thing first when i board the bus at my place... it is a new bus... a brand new one... but i tell you... the air con was hitting you like the water in the car wash! wah kaos... den you can see everyone "dodging the air-con" to avoid messy hair. damn weird la the design of these new buses. stupid engineers.

den when i arrived at the train station... i went into the gents... this indian fella was washing his dick in the sink! you tell me am i suay or wad.... washing his dick in the sink leh!!! tt guy's sick lor. i left without even using the toilet.

den i reckoned that singapore is a very stressful place to live in.

oosh restaurant

2007-02-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

just got home not long ago from the meet up with my cousins. we were at singapore's largest alfresco F&B outlet in Tanglin Village called the Oosh retaurant. The food and drinks there were pretty tasty, but they're pretty pricey too though.

but you pay peanuts if you want monkeys... =)

i never really like eating in food courts anyway... i wun mind paying for a place like Oosh.

http://www.tanglinvillage.com.sg/highlights.htm

check out the splash before they were fully established. its still a pretty new place... started in december last year...

i'll rate a 4star for it.

back to work

2007-02-21T09:28:00.000+08:00

hurmm... it doesnt feel like a working day today... the office is so damn empty. luckily xueling still around la... at least got some chics to keep my day going. haha

this morning was greeted by lee hsien yang with his group of colleagues at the lobby with oranges. they even have lion dance there... not that i'm very impressed la... but they got everyone choked at the enterance to the lift... taking this opportunity to slack around and waste a few minutes off official working hours. but its always a good excuse to slack when your ceo is there with you.

meeting up with my cousins later after work to chill... ah... i feel like sleeping already. haha

norbit

2007-02-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

caught norbit just now with a bunch of jokers... its a damn hilarious show la... must watch. haha

i certainly had a good laugh for awhile... its been awhile.

i wish i can laugh like how i laughed during the show just now all the time. it feels good. so lets just pray... God... in your name of all goodness... please make us all happy people. and we thank You. =)

part 2

2007-02-20T03:08:00.000+08:00

Was at chongchee’s place earlier on. Everything felt exactly the way it was a year ago. Clara and I both agreed how fast time flies. Remember back den when chuan fei told us that she’s pregnant… and now keiyan is already a couple of months old.

Somehow the mood there and den reminds me of you. Prolly just a lil… but was bad enough. But dun get me wrong… that you i once loved was long gone into my book of history. Not that it matters that much… but it was a lesson bad enough for me to learn.

I took on the stumble with a couple of better friends… I literally crawled my way through hell… it was so tormenting that even till now… I could still feel you. Den again, without you… I wouldn’t have grown so much. And if its not for you… I wun have realised how important those people around me are.

Time took us part… and only if time can still bring me further away from agony.

I wanna meet someone right… just one… to share my everyday with. Prolly dreaming though. Who in the right mind would catch a sick man like me?

Now you know… why I’m hoping for a miracle. =)